It’s been a while since I’ve celebrated a holiday alone and I can’t say I’m looking forward to this year’s season. For over a decade I’ve had Husband #2 as a buffer between me and a completely void, childless Thanksgiving or Christmas. Not to say Husband #2 is a big child…he’s the exact opposite.
Husband #2’s lack of enthusiasm around the holidays is the yin to my yang. We are opposites. Around the holidays I’m transported back to the giddy little girl mentality of my youth. I’m no Clark Griswold, but I’ve been known to double a monthly electric bill or two with the extent of my home light display.
Anyways, I think you get the gist of my level of excitement around this time of year.
But this year is different.
This year I’ll have not one, but two major holidays in a row spent by my lonesome. I think there should be a law or something against Christmas enthusiast being without kith and kin during the time of celebrating. But teenagers get jobs and non-custodial fathers have visitation and that’s the way of life for me this year.
Over the last 11 years, Husband #2 has been the surrogate to keep me company when the children are away. He’s stuffed himself with Thanksgiving spreads meant to feed a small army, even when there are only two of us at the table. He’s listened to me sing countless Christmas carols while riding in the car as my captive audience. He’s helped me to deck the house with string after string of lights knowing that no family of revelers would ever see them unless they somehow found their way up or lonely little country dead end road. He would patiently listen to all my stories as I pulled cherished ornament after ornament out of storage to decorate the tree.
But not this year.
I’m finding it hard to get motivated for Thanksgiving and Christmas since it will be just me, myself, and I in the house on those days.
The timing between the holidays seems especially short and extremely busy this year, for some reason. There are still 25 days in December before the big morning, but somehow it seems shorter, less shiny, less personal with everyone’s schedule pulling them in different directions.
And Husband #2 isn’t here.
And I miss him.
Ironically, I found a way to fulfill a lifelong holiday dream this year.
Many decades ago, I purchased my first holiday music CD…a lovely piano compilation of Christmas carols put out by the fine folks at Dayton-Hudson, the people that own Target. The music is beautifully played and for years I’ve dreamt of cuddling on the couch, drinking wine with a roaring fire in the fireplace while listening to this romantic holiday CD. This dream has never been attainable since our home lacks a fireplace. We don’t even have a mantle where we can fake it with a bunch of candles.
Until last year it seemed my dream was meant for a different house.
And then the people of Target presented me with an early Christmas gift. Someone in the Research and Development Department came up with an idea: Let’s make a DVD of a roaring fire that can make a big screen TV mimic a fireplace. And let’s set it to romantic piano Christmas music.
Joy of joys! My Christmas dream realized! I spotted this lovely item on the after-Christmas sales rack last year and have waited almost a full year to try it out.
Only now I’m missing Husband #2’s presence.
Maybe some dreams just aren’t meant to come true. At least not this year.