Girlfriend, if your man’s been doing any of these things, it’s about time you let go!
Most of us who have been divorced have also witnessed relationships of friends or family dissolve into break-ups or divorces, as well. If not, any of us could surely recall watching a relationship fall apart on the big screen, and remember thinking to ourselves “it’s about time she leaves him!” or something along those lines. It’s funny how we, as observers, are often so much more aware of the faults within a partner or a relationship when it’s not our own!
When it’s not our spouse or significant other, it seems so much simpler to recognize that the union is in trouble or he’s just not right for her! How many times have we tried to say something to a loved one about fears we have for their wellbeing or bitten our tongues because we knew our words would fall on deaf ears?
It’s a difficult tightrope to walk when we care about someone and hate so see them being mistreated, unhappy, or headed for disaster; yet, we know they either don’t want to hear what we have to say, or wouldn’t be able to benefit from our message at the time. Sometimes we just don’t want to seem nosey, rude, or risk the friendship.
It kind of makes me wonder what my own friends or family wanted to say to me about my relationships, but felt they couldn’t? I recall how uncomfortable and quiet my parents seemed on my wedding day. I wanted them to be happy for me and to like my soon-to-be husband; but, they acted like they couldn’t wait to escape, instead!
I remember another awkward conversation with a childhood friend of mine. She had known me since the third grade, and I felt extremely uncomfortable under her relentless questioning of my happiness with my first husband. She obviously saw that I was a dull, if not dying, shell of my former self. The light of life had been dimmed, but I continually insisted to her that my life was perfect and I was happy. She saw something I couldn’t, but never came right out and said it.
What did other people see that I was blind to? Why did they hold back when it might have saved me years of agony? Would I have listened? Would I have insisted that I knew what I was doing and was aware of all these positive traits in my partners that they just couldn’t see? Would I have heeded their warnings and been rescued from a bad situation? I’m not sure, but I wish someone, anyone, would have been brave enough to tell me I was making a mistake or they saw things in my partners that I didn’t.
On some conscious level, I think I knew. It was more comfortable to keep my head in the sand; but, I think I knew that I wasn’t happy or with the person, I should be. I just wanted to force it to be right or talk myself into believing it was. The part of me that was conscious was ashamed of things going on within my relationship, but I wouldn’t have dared to tell anyone. Maybe someone else’s confirmation that they saw it too would have given me the courage to do something about it sooner?
I may never know the answer to these questions, but I hope I could be the sort of friend to share my concerns with a friend instead of watching the life be sucked out of her. I hope that if I feared someone I loved was mistreated or unloved that I could be the voice to remind her that she deserves better and that she’s worthy of the best! Would offering her a lifeline to escape from bad circumstances be worth ending our friendship if she took it the wrong way or wasn’t ready to hear it?
These are all deep thoughts I will continue to mull over. In the meantime, I can say, with confidence, “girlfriend, it’s about time!” to any of the following:
He thought you existed to serve him. I have no issue with practicing a little domestic goddess magic. I enjoy cooking, decorating, and taking care of the ones I love; so, don’t think I’m advocating for my sisters to never have to lift a finger around the house. Let’s face it, we all live somewhere and we all contribute to the mess of that place; therefore, we should all pitch in and help out! If he thought your sole purpose on Planet Earth was to be his cook and maid, good riddance to that!
He was a disgusting pig. There are two kinds of pigs, and neither of them is worth staying married to! There’s the kind of pig who thinks hygiene, manners, and taking any responsibility for himself is optional, then there’s the kind of pig who can’t keep it in his pants. I’ve been married to both, and no one deserves either!
He treated you like a second-class citizen. He talked down to you, thought he was better than you, was rude, and made you feel less about yourself. Seriously, you’re so much better than he made you feel, and he was lucky to have you!
He was as slippery as a snake. He lied, manipulated, snuck around, and generally kept you in the dark. No husband should be keeping secrets unless he’s planning you a surprise party! Bye-bye to all the lies!
You were misery in his company. Maybe it was something he did, maybe you two just weren’t compatible. The result of your partnership was that you were incapable of being the best version of yourself. You were barely able to force a smile, your spark of motivation was snuffed out, and you were merely passing time instead of living life. That’s no way to live!
He was habitually irresponsible. Anyone can make a mistake, but if your ex’s m.o. was to put the security of his home and family at risk by being irresponsible with money and other important decisions, that’s a wild ride to get off of now! If he gambled, was routinely absent-minded, and just far too lax about things that jeopardized the ones he loves, something definitely needed to change!
He was a man-child. Some people just refuse to grow up, operate as adults, or recognize that the world doesn’t revolve around them! Maybe he needs to spend more time with mommy to finish the maturation process. One thing’s for sure: you married him to be his wife, not his mother; so, it’s time to look for a man instead of a boy!
There are many ways a partner can be Mr. Wrong. If your guy is guilty of these behaviors (or others just as bad), then it’s about time you finally decided to let go!