Perhaps it was because I begged the moon to guide me within hours of discovering my former spouse’s infidelity that I feel like the Universe has taken me on as a pet project, heaping staggering amounts of support and love and magical signs upon me as I move through the process of healing from betrayal and divorce.
I continue to lean on the cosmos, choosing to tap into the energies of the planets to serve as pointers, unseen helpers. And the more I do, the more I feel the energy of the Universe flood my being, as if I have endless space inside to absorb its continuous flow of love. Staying present with the Universe causes me to beam, to radiate. Joy. Love. Passion.
All that sounds pretty saccharin, right? But it’s absolute truth. No more so than early this morning when I rose to meditate as the moon crossed in front of the sun like skaters arcing around on an icy pond.
I am continuously reminded that this is not a linear journey – healing from betrayal and the experience of life itself. It seems that the only things in life that are linear are manmade. The Universe, however, is one big curve.
Planets orbit, stars have no sharp angles, Saturn has rings, our Universe expands outward in all directions – walls or endings do not pen it in. Every living entity has a cycle.
But more on those vampires later.
In the days leading up to the trifecta of a new moon solar eclipse happening on the Spring Equinox I found myself seeking out the messages, the astrological significance beyond a typical (said without judgment) horoscope. The Dudes and I had the entire week together, which was phenomenal, but also included a phenomenal amount of driving. Yet I made time to plow through writings on eclipses and new moons and finally figured out what degrees mean in the context of astrology.
I found time to meditate in stillness and connect with the planets, silencing my Ego, which said, there are actual THINGS to do, lady! Not long ago I wouldn’t have made time for these frivolous pursuits for people with steady incomes and time to burn, instead meditating on the move and picking up tidbits about astrology on the fly.
But this time my curiosity was amplified, and it was only in the moment of the eclipse that I discovered why…
The Elephant Journal speaks to a new nineteen-year cycle being born at this new moon, which occurs in the last degree of the last sign of the zodiac, Pisces, my birth sign. The end of the celestial calendar. At that time the sun will transit into Aires, the pioneer of the zodiac, the first sign. We go from the end to the beginning under a super new moon at the time of the Spring Equinox.
I woke before my alarm, at 2:26AM. Sitting on the bed I drew in the energy of the planet. Within moments I felt like I was sitting on one of those coin-operated (bed-bug ridden) beds popular in a certain decade. Not that I ever slept in one. My bed shimmied, my body buzzed. I expressed gratitude for my place in this world. And for the incredible gifts bestowed upon me these last four years. Then all of you came into view and I expressed my intention to witness you finding magic along your individual journeys. And that I be guided to the very best way to support you on your journeys.
Then I turned my attention toward shedding anything that needed to leave that had served its purpose. The practice of releasing is ongoing. A continuous loop. Breathe, release. Breathe, release. The message to practice being truly present and aware and conscious came through. To slow down and trust that speed is not what I need but presence and patience. And that I must continue to sit in daily meditation. All the guidance I need will be found there. Then the message that I am ready for what is to come.
And then I saw the word nineteen.
And then, I saw that nineteen years ago I was in the early days of my ten-week courtship with my former spouse, embarking on a new journey. Soon to be engaged, to buy a house, and marry.
In that moment, while I sat on my vibrating bed, an entire chapter of my life ended. In a liquid bubble, every event given its space inside, those years floated away. I didn’t move on. It ended. And left the building. That cycle energetically wrapped. Done.
And a new cycle has begun.
Without knowing that Aries is the ‘pioneer of the zodiac’ while I sat in near darkness in my room, quietly connecting with the planets, I saw myself looking over my shoulder while walking on a dusty road curving through spring grasses with rocky mountains in the distance. A massive Easter egg blue sky decorated with whipped cream clouds cradled the earth. I held back my hair, the winds were warm, exposing a tooth-filled smile, grateful to be waving goodbye and excited to be at the frontier of my next nineteen-year cycle.
And me, firmly present in the moment.
And in the midst of a flea infestation. I’ve been protecting my animals from fleas regularly for years. But a one month lapse in coverage, and a mild winter, resulted in High Maintenance Kitty getting a new nickname: Flea Bag. Said with affection as long as I’m not scratching.
They seem to prefer my bedroom, and my ankles.
Only today have I made progress in reclaiming my territory as they are drawn to the light under my bed, a mirage that is really just a big sticky pad to trap them. I hate to do it, but I have NO option. It’s not like I can catch them under a glass jar and release them outside. I’m spiritual evolving, but I’m no David Copperfield.
As I began this post, glowing on the first day of spring, I looked up the totem meaning for flea, expecting to not find one. I mean, really, even those bloodsuckers have a message to send?
And it’s this:
Flea reminds us of our resilience. The harsh criticism of others may scratch away at our self-esteem, but nothing can crush our spirits if we define ourselves from within. By seeing how big we are inside, instead of focusing on small-minded insults or transgressions from without, we harness our inner strength and can fly even without wings. (From http://paradisefoundsantabarbara.com/articles/power-animal-flea-by-backyard-shaman-amy-katz-m-a/)
In this new cycle all that is comes from within. I radiate out love, I write out words, my enthusiasm for life comes from the inside out, my intuition…well, you know where that lives.
I trust that this new cycle for the planet will bring magic to our lives. But we must say some goodbyes. Tonight, at the water’s edge and under a star-drenched sky, I will begin to speak mine, making room for all the hellos that are to follow.
Please join me this Sunday for The Weekly Call where we will get consciously competent at remaining fully present in the moment. You don’t want to miss a second of this life! Click here for details. And please follow me on Twitter and find me at Facebook. There’s magic in a circle gathered.