Pipe down, Mistresses! Time to get a little education. Despite your french maid outfits and your offers to make everything better for your man, your choices will eventually undo you.
- The web of lies you spun in order to conduct your affair will never fully decompose. It is now the foundation of your relationships. It is how others see you – a person willing to lie and capable of justifying any behavior to gratify the self. Behind the nods and smiles they are saying, Is she being honest?
- You are not trustworthy. In moments of conflict in your relationships this fact will wreak havoc. Those who are aware of your choices will never fully trust you, despite how they may act. When one of your friends is devastated by their spouse’s affair, you will find out how they really feel about you and your choices. Worse, you know you’re not trustworthy. To survive, your Ego spends time trying to convince yourself and others that you are trustworthy, to no avail. It’s exhausting. Better get a lot of rest. This will not change.
- Cheaters don’t lie in only one direction. C’mon, now. You do not know anything about the marriage of your affair partner. I know, you think you do. But, remember – your affair partner is a first class, highly experienced liar who is also delusional, to some degree, which is a necessary state of mind in order to be able to justify deceit and betrayal. You assume they are emotionally healthy and aware enough to give you an accurate representation of their marriage. That is foolish. Emotionally healthy people don’t cheat.
- Affairs are only the tip of the Integrity Iceberg and you are the Titanic. Did you lie in other ways while cheating? Not just to your spouse but to your family? Your children? Your friends? How about your employer? Did you misuse corporate funds to finance your affair? Write off a trip as work related when it was really a hook-up? And now that the affair is out in the open are you still lying? You need to address your lack of morals and ease with lying before you shatter completely under the weight of shame and guilt.
- You despise Carrie Underwood, which is a shame because she is ridiculously talented. And anyone else who mentions the words ‘cheat’, ‘cheater’, ‘adultery’, ‘affair’, ‘mistress’, and ‘infidelity’. Because every time you hear those words there’s a gasp inside of you. It’s your drowning conscience. And if there isn’t a gasp, your conscience is already dead. Good luck with that. But rest assured, you will never be able to rip off the scarlet letter.
- Although infidelity is an epidemic, a pedestrian one at that, no one has any respect for someone who cheats. (Not even Gwyneth Paltrow, although she once said she did…because maybe she needed to feel better about herself for some reason?) That includes the children of the cheaters. No matter how much your children love you and love your affair partner and love the children of your affair partner, they will one day know exactly what happened. And they’re going to be pissed.
- The stats are grim, which should come as no surprise. The cheater will cheat again. Like, say, on a trip maybe. One to a familiar place with familiar faces and a longer history. One beer leads to another. He spills his guts to the new ear that gets nice and close to his. They connect, or reconnect. It must be so hard, she says. It’s just a one time thing, he thinks. Besides, I’m not married anymore. No one will ever find out…and then bam, his head is between her thighs. Happens all the time.
The betrayed spouse is relieved this is not her future anymore.
And, while this morsel of wisdom is too late for you, Mistresses, it begs to be spoken: There is nothing sexier than honesty. So before you cheat, tell him to go home and SPEAK UP. You will be filled with happiness and good karma for remaining true to yourself and your values. You will be respectable. And if he comes back unattached, you are free to engage in a baggage-less relationship that has a shot at being fulfilling for you both.
Have conversations, not affairs.