My last post about working with a 15-year-old cutter leveled me. Maybe it was confronting the depths of this girl’s pain. Maybe it was confronting the limits of what I can handle as a therapist. I woke up today, every cell in my body feeling draggy and wiped out.
So I have decided to take opposite action. I’m not in a 12-step program, but I hear from 12-steppers that this is a good thing to do when you feel like pulling the covers over your head for a week or two. I’ve decided to put my soul-tiredness on a shelf and reflect on people, places and moments that have made my life, and me, better.
Feeling the grasp of an infant’s fingers.
Feet. It’s good to have two of them. And I like mine. Even when I need a pedicure.
Mantelpieces. One of the best inventions ever.
A cool dress on a warm spring day, with a dash of ebullience.
Swings. The essence of childhood. I remember from my own childhood, the exhilirating lurch in my stomach, the wind whooshing over my body.
The nape of a neck.
Medical insurance. Sending a silent prayer that everyone will have this.
That I get to write. And people read what I write. And sometimes they write me and tell me what I wrote means something to them. This process is pure alchemy, meaningful beyond words.
Dinner with friends. One of life’s greatest simple pleasures. Doesn’t need to be fancy.
One of my very favorite memories of Franny’s childhood. She and her friend Hermoine emanated joy running down this sidewalk in San Francisco. I was so relieved they didn’t break their necks.
Best cat ever.
The morning Franny knocked on our door and said, “Clementine had her babies in my closet!”
Kids and bouncers.
We all need someone to lean on.
Sunday Morning Ritual: The Big Pancake.
Nyack, on the Hudson. I would move there in a New York Minute.
That I met my birthmother, and my kids get to call her “Grammy Diane.” And that open adoption exists today so adopted kids don’t have to grow up wondering where they came from.
May you all find something amazing in this day. And if you’re inclined, tell me what it is.
i thank You God for most this amazing day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue dream of sky;and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today, and this is the sun’s birthday;this is the birth day of life and love and wings;and of the gay great happening ilimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing breathing any – lifted from the no of all nothing – human merely being doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and now the eyes of my eyes are opened)