I love chocolate. And I dearly love flowers. If someone deigns to give me a bauble, especially a shiny one, I am never one to say no. Cards are nice, especially if they’re humorous, and being wined and dined by a handsome man? Now that’s my definition of heaven. But when I have to cram all of these things under one big, red, heart-shaped umbrella known to most as Valentine’s Day and I have no-one to celebrate with, I’m prone to breaking down in tears or out in hives and I feel like a victim of love.
That’s why, this year I’m starting a new Valentine’s Day tradition: AVOIDANCE. You heard me! I’m planning on avoiding Valentine’s Day all together! And if this sounds like a great idea to you and you’d like to join me in this noble pursuit, here are 5 things you can do to make this Valentine’s Day the best holiday you never celebrated.
1. TAKE A HIKE. That’s right. Take a hike from the Valentine’s Day massacre that’s headed straight for your heart by walking up and down big hills. Get up and out early so you don’t have the opportunity to wallow in your bed, alone and lonely and wishing you were not. Climb right on up to the top of one of those big hills and have a look around. There’s nothing like a new view to give you a fresh perspective on life and, for that matter, love, especially when you’ve sweated your ass off to get there (an added perk for sure!).
2. TREAT YOURSELF TO A SPA DAY. Steam, soak and bake those lovelorn toxins right out of your body until you feel so limp and gloriously relaxed that you’ll have forgotten all about the stupidest holiday ever invented in the history of the world. Now I’m sorry to tell you that this is probably as close as you’ll get to being naked this Valentine’s Day; close but no cigar. And when you say you really got nailed, you’ll actually be referring to the fabulous mani-pedi you just got and not some fabulous roll in the hay. But hey, you’ll look and feel like a million bucks and once your nails and toes are painted and pretty, even though you’re naked, you’ll still be all dressed up!
3. BINGE WATCH. Arm yourself with some good wine and even better junk food (which should include lots of chocolate that definitely does not come in a heart-shaped box) and watch TV and movies until you feel like your eyes are gonna fall out. But remember: no romantic comedies allowed! Instead, focus on shows like Breaking Bad or The Wire, or perhaps all three installments of The Godfather franchise and before you know it, Valentine’s Day will be the farthest thing from your mind.
4. HOST A GIRL’S GAME NIGHT. After you have spent your day avoiding watching TV (who needs to see another commercial reminding you that “He went to Jareds!”, but he didn’t go for you?), have the girls over for a good old fashioned game night. Pick something fun like Balderdash or Trivial Pursuit, laugh, drink, eat chocolate (once again, not the kind found in heart-shaped boxes) and laugh some more. You’ll forget all about the holiday invented by candy makers, florists and jewelers and before you know it, Valentine’s Day will be over and you won’t have to think about this big, bad holiday again for another entire year.
5. GET INTO BED WITH A GOOD BOOK. I know that the phrase “get into bed” connotes kissing and cuddling, but there is something equally wonderful to be said about the thought of going there with a good book. Really! It’s true! And whether it’s a murder mystery, a biography or a great novel, losing yourself in a good book can really make the day fly by. And it’s one of those guilty pleasures that won’t add a pound to your frame or give you a hangover. Now what could be better than that?