Relationships with ex-inlaws after divorce are tricky.
Well, I’m finding it tricky in my situation anyway.
I wonder if they are mad at me.
I worried that they would talk bad about me in front of the kids.
I know for sure that they think he is the wronged party;
She tried her best to break us up before the wedding, so I think she was delighted by the divorce.
You know, my being American and all.
The first time my exlaw mum came to visit,
she said my house was ‘over the top.’
Whatever the heck that meant.
I think it meant my refrigerator was too big,
being normal Americansized and all.
They have tiny refrigerators.
Merlot has commented to me about this on the phone.
She thinks its weird.
Of course, my family thinks that I am the wronged party.
Because he is lazy and mostly cares about beer.
Stanley and his family are not close.They think they are close.I’ve heard them say they are close. He goes home every 4 – 5 yearsand they talk every 4 – 5 weeks.
To my American ‘over the top’ way of thinkingand need for excess, that is not close. If I sound unfair toward them, I’m just hurt.She hurt my feelings time after time.I wanted to be close to her then realized that he leftthe continent for a reason and started letting it go.It got back to me yesterday that she fussed at himfor letting me ‘upset Merlot at bedtime.’
I knew last week when Merlot was crying when wewere FaceTiming that this would end up all my fault.I told Al, “I know them well enough. Merlot’s not being very happy there is making Stanley mad. They will blame it all on me. I will have coddled her or made her emotionally dependent. They will have me ready to meet the executioner.”
What wankers!I learned that word from him and find it very useful. So yes. Apparently Ye Olde Bitch thinks that I upset Merlot.It doesn’t occur to her that Merlot is upset because I am her emotional rock and she isn’t seeing me for 15 days.
One of my best friends, also divorced, told me that it is in their paperwork that both parents talk to the kids everyday. So every night, her ex calls the children and speaks to them. Like clockwork, they stop and talk to their dad. Al, doesn’t see his kids as often physically (because of their ages, etc) but he is in constant contact, via phone and text. Right now I could ask him how his kids are and he could tell me where each of them are at this very moment. In contrast, Stanley sees the kids every few days, but he has virtually no contact otherwise. When they are with me for a week, he doesn’t call or text. They don’t ask to call or text him. I will ask them midweek if they want to call. They rarely bring him up. Because he is kind of an emotional ghost. Nice enough to have around, but doesn’t leave much of an emotional presence.
My kids text me or call me every night that Stanley is on.
Usually 45 minutes after I leave the nest, I am getting texts,
I miss you Mommy.
I am their emotional security.
Ye Olde Bitch
has totally missed the mark again.
Al, keeps telling me not to let it bother me.
She hasn’t seen Merlot since she was 2.
She hasn’t seen her son since 2009.
Al is right because
she is not the epitome of motherhood.
As a matter of fact, if I was her, I would feel like a total mothering failure. If, when I’m old, my kids never call or write and I don’t know my grandkids, I will feel like a turd bucket. So, I’m trying not to let her misguided assessment of the situation upset me. Still, I want to drop her in a vat of Crisco after beating her a few times with my pursebrick.
Yesterday at 4:30 I was leaving work and started getting texts from the kids that they wanted to FaceTime. It was 10:30 there. Merlot was saying, “Please Mommy, I miss you.” I drove 80 miles an hour home to get to the wifi so I could be there for her. She was crying when she came on the screen. We have 4 days left. I reassured her that when she gets home we will be stuck like hair on soap. The other two seemed tired and ready to come home too.
I was so depressed I had ice cream for dinner.
I don’t recommend it. I felt sick later.
The kids are fine. They are having a great trip and I see plenty of pictures that show them happy. They are tired. I hope that one of the things that comes out of it though is that they are closer to Stanely after all this time with him. I haven’t been there and he has had to comfort them, especially Merlot. I’ve seen pictures of her in his lap. I think this will have some positive impact in the long run in their relationships with him.
But Ye Olde Bitch can eat my shorts.