It has been crazy here in the nest the past few days.
We had Jumping Beans birthday on Thursday night. Also that same night we had Merlot’s school performance, a plan to take JB to dinner (all 5 of us) after the performance and The Boy had a huge Algebra assignment that he had been working on all week but he was no where near done. Stanley was actually on nest duty, but because of the birthday, we were going to all go to the performance and then to the birthday dinner. My plan was to check out after dinner.
The school performance was agonal. This is our 3rd kid to go through elementary and at this point the recorder just isn’t cute anymore, it’s just annoying noise. We didn’t get out of there until 7:45.
So we were 8 pm getting to the restaurant and The Boy was no where near done with that math.
JB was happy and glowing in birthday happiness.
Stanley was on the other side of the table but we were doing okay just chatting about the little things, kid stuff but rarely making eye contact.
and Merlot was getting whiney.
The whine was setting in.
So I ordered a glass of wine.
She was hanging on me as we were waiting for food and I knew this was heading downhill.
Then she whispered in my ear,
“Since it’s so late can you stay tonight? Daddy has to help him with his algebra. Please?”
Stanley seeing her whine across the table looked in no mood for fuckage.
I told her that it was daddy’s night and I would have to go after dinner.
So, it was nearly 9 and we walked to the parking lot. She was hanging on my leg, crying, and that dumbbell glares at me like it’s my fault and gets in his car and shuts the door.
The other kids look at me then get in and shut their doors too. It was cold.
I hugged her and told her to go enjoy Daddy, as if, and she finally got in the car and he peeled out of the parking lot. Leaving me standing alone, in the cold, surrounded by failure.
Al talked me through it on the way to the crash pad, as usual.
I was angry at Stanely.
Because he could make it better for her. If he would just bend down and hug her and tell her he wants her to be with him then she would hug him back and go willingly.
Because of course, he treats them the same way he treated me, he is totally unable to provide comfort or be available emotionally to them. Of course I was able to divorce his unemotional ass.
And they have no recourse but to learn to deal with it.
Al has to deal with the same shit because his wife isn’t the most mentally stable person around and his kids are living it. He says his strategy is to be very available to them and always stable and make up for her shortcomings the best he can even if it is via text or skype.
I do the same with mine, trying to make up for his reserve with an over abundance of availability. Still it makes me feel like shit when I witness his failure so badly and my kid is there crying.
I know we all have to deal with this.
It’s just a sucky part of divorce.