As opposed to the Twilight Saga
Sorry I was unavailable yesterday, I had to go on a field trip with a little one and then see patients. I missed talking to you though.
And to be honest, . I was too churned up to blog.
I felt like this on the inside.
I was a hot mess.
It was about 95% due to ‘long distance communication funk’. Sometimes communicating via text is hard. Especially when we are both raw and hurting from the missing (being dropped off a cliff is how he describes it) and I avoid an actual conversation on the telephone because it makes it harder to hear his voice when I am trying not to cry. The fact that I won’t talk to him on the phone when we have a text glitch doesn’t help. But, I don’t want to cry ANYMORE. Not about any man. I cried enough tears the last few years about my divorce. Relationships that cause me to cry mark a huge RED FLAG.
I had a few when I was single that were very passionate but also very volatile (not violent, just emotionally volatile) and I cried a lot and was very happy intermixed with very miserable and no, I have no interest in that ever again. I blame my marriage on that experience honestly, because I married a man that had none of that. It was ‘just okay’ 99% of the time. We rarely ever had words because we didn’t care enough to fight. Not passionate, not volatile, just there.
Anyway. We were all tangled up in miscommunication and I wouldn’t talk on the phone.
Because I’m sensible that way.
We worked it out of course. But what took 18 hours out of our lives would have never
even happened if we had not been in this stupid long distance relationship.
Long distance relationships suck out loud y’all.
In addition, we have to make this work for ages longer. He is a good dad and I want him to be a good dad which means he needs to be right where he is for another 3 plus years. I can’t move because I can’t/won’t move the kids away from Stanley.
Why did we start this again?
(Oh yes, it is because we had the hots real bad and were best friends when we were 17 years old which made us think we had some unfinished business, which apparently will never be finished because possibly we are soul mates if that nonsense even exists and so therefore we are involved in this stupid long distance relationship that is expensive and at go home time makes us both miserable.)
I blame the fogged up windows at the beach in 1982.
By the way, just to be clear, my relationship with my lovah is not volatile. It is passionate without the volatility which is just about freaking perfect. We really don’t fight. We just sometimes get our feelings hurt because we take something the wrong way on text. Pitiful. Sometimes I want to cry because I miss him but because I am a fuck wad that practically ‘counts’ tears due to my ‘red flag syndrome’ I can make a distance glitch worse.
Don’t y’all wish I was in charge of your mental health?
Anyway, we worked it out. I was off last night and came to the crash pad and he and I had a Skype date to watch American Horror Story. We are all good again. Not only did I subject myself to his voice but to his beautiful face. He keeps saying that the distance is nothing because the hard part was the 30 years I was gone and he is never letting that happen again.
But I’m immature.
To me, the distance is a bitch and sometimes I have to throw a hissy fit about it.
Yes, I know, I don’t deserve him.
Anyway. That’s it. Maybe one day we won’t have to fall off the cliff every 3 weeks but until we do I will keep entertaining you with tales of a middle aged love affair, parenting and an ex named Stanley.