The weekend is over.
And I have a headache.
Holy God. Poor Al.
Even the dog had to have a Xanax.
The plan was for Al to arrive on Friday early evening and the kids and I were going to pick him up at the airport and drive the 2 hours to my parent’s lake house and spend a quiet long weekend on the lake. Then, last Wednesday, Mom told me that my brother and SIL had decided to come too, with their 3 kids. Okay, there was room at the house, barely, but I knew that the boating would be more fun and the kids would have a blast. With my kids, that meant 6 kids aged 6 to 14. And instead of Al having to spend 3 days with my kids and parents, he was now spending 3 days with my kids, parents, brother, SIL and their 3 kids. I thought, okay, well it will be chaotic but still fun, even if the relaxation factor was going down.
Also, the chance of any alone time was drastically plummeting
with that many eyeballs scanning the hallways.
But whatever, I was chill, one glass of wine
and I was sure it would be fine.
Then, on Thursday evening, Stanley told me that he couldn’t take the dog for the weekend. Shit, fuck and damn. That meant that I needed to take the dog, along with 5 people, 3 bickering kids across the back, on a 2 hour trip (4 round trip) in a Honda Accord. I started to sweat and the wine had no effect. I was worried about the dog being a pain in the ass with all of those people there and the chaos with the kids. The dog is a shorkie. She is part Shih Tzu and part Yorkie. Cute, yes, but a tendency to get a little anxious. Plus, I never take her anywhere, just the groomer and the vet so the car is usually a anxious place for her, she knows the end of the road means a bath or her anal glands expressed.
Seriously. This was getting hairy.
Then, while I was still mid freak about having to take the dog, Mom told me that my other brother and church lady SIL were flying up for the day on Saturday and of course would bring their dog, who is a princess and flies in his plane wearing earphones. Oh God no………… This is the SIL that makes me crazy. Actually she makes us all crazy. My mom hides the wine and beer when she comes because she doesn’t approve. She actually doesn’t approve of anything. That meant us + my 3 kids + dog + parents + brother and SIL + their 3 kids (6 – 11) + brother + church lady + princess dog.
With no booze.
Aw Hell NO.
I started to just back out. But then got pissed because I booked the lake house for this weekend back in June. They all knew we were coming and I didn’t want to change our plans. Al wanted to go to the lake house and I booked it and we were going just for the principle of the matter. Assholes be damned.
I had 2 glasses of wine at that news and was still nervous but screw it we were going.
His flight was on time. thank God. The kids and I loaded the car, loaded the dog, and went to the airport. He gave my hand a squeeze and gave me a half hug as he got in. The kids in the back were watching us like hawks.
Then the dog went berserk but climbed on Al’s lap and finally went to sleep. Then the kids started fighting in the back seat. Fun Times. After an hour, I pulled over and Al got in the backseat between the girls and The Boy got up front with me. Yes, my big precious man rode in the middle on the hump for an hour.
Whatever, we finally got there. We had a glass of wine and toured Al around the place. The plan was for me to sneak into his room for a nocturnal visit when the kids were all asleep. Well the kids all went to sleep. But the dog didn’t sleep a wink. I put her in the bathroom and closed the door; she barked and clawed the door. I put her on my bed (which I was sharing with both girls); she walked on the bed all night. Finally, she went to sleep. I crept down the hallway and tried Al’s door. LOCKED. Aw hell no. I didn’t want to knock because there were people sleeping all around. I went back to my room and texted him. He was asleep. The dog woke me again a bit later. There was a text from Al, that he had woken up, bummed he missed me and unlocked his door. I crept in there for the quietest quickest sex ever. I snuck back in my room and woke the dog. Noooooo…. She cried and walked and jumped on my head. Finally, I took her outside, scared to death I would meet a critter up there in the dark woods. She never settled down all night. I don’t think I slept more than a few hours. And I had to cope with all of those people with no sleep.
I was ready to kill the dog.
Everyone arrived and the dog went wild. Her heart was racing a billion miles a minute. I tried to put her in the back room and close the door and it made it worse. I could hear her in there and was afraid she was going to have a heart attack. I brought her out and the Princess Dog kept growling at her. Al was trying to calm her (he is a block of calm) and he got worried she was going to have a heart attack too. I finally googled ‘Xanax dosage for dogs’ and knocked the bitch out. Actually she still didn’t go to sleep, she just relaxed enough for her heart rate to return to normal. Finally, at 6 pm. brother and SIL and princess dog flew home, and mom and dad took them to the nearby airstrip. Other Brother and SIL decided to take the kids out on the boat to tube. Yes, Al and I had a precious hour alone.
One hour all weekend but we made that hour our bitch.
As soon as they all departed we ran down to his room, locked the door and got nekkid. I was exhausted and hardly remember it but it was put to good use. They all came back and we were all dressed and glowing and I had even brushed my hair. We were much more smiley.
Thankfully the dog slept better on Saturday night. I awoke more able to think on Sunday morning. When I went upstairs, Al and Mom were all huddled up drinking coffee. All 6 kids were watching TV but it was pouring rain. POURING. So, Brother, SIL and I loaded everyone up and headed to the little redneck town nearby and saw, are you ready?
Al said he felt like he was sitting in a meth lab.
We sat behind the kids and made out.
Just like 1982.
Then we all went to Walmart.
Al saw his first camo waders.
We initiated my Yankee Lovah into Southern culture
He said he thought he saw Honey Boo Boo there. Then we went back to the house and were able to enjoy the lake again since the weather was better. The 6 kids did performances and stupid plays and generally wore us all out, the dog relaxed at some point, and finally the stress sort of melted away. All too soon it was time to pack and leave. I drove us home yesterday and at one point was the only one in the car who was awake. Both girls were asleep on Al’s shoulder, he was on hump again, bless his heart, and The Boy and even the dog were snoring.
It was a good feeling as I drove along.
We got back into town just in time to drop kids, dumb dog, and unload the car before heading to the airport. We sat in the cell phone lot for 10 minutes and made out. We were squeezing every last second of private time out.
I miss him like hell.
I don’t have sore parts or anything.
I went back home and helped them do homework, etc, before Stanley came in to switch. I came out to the crash pad and watched TV before crashing. I was exhausted. I think just worrying about how everyone was coping made it harder on me not to mention the stupid dog. I see my family adjusting to him though and I see my kids getting used to the idea of me with a man who isn’t Stanley. It all went fine and it turned out to be a really good weekend
even if I did have to dope up the dog.