I am not a dating diva or expert by any means. I did not date very much before I got married. After my divorce I came to the realization that I had very limited dating skills and even more limited time and money to exercise those lackluster skills.
However, even with my beginner dating skills and overall lack of sophistication, I did have enough sense in my head to meet a person and try and make a favorable impression. Regretably I met quite a few men who had no idea how to make a positive first impression or, seemed the least bit interested in doing so.
So, men if you are back in the dating game here are a few tips from a woman who suffered through men who had no clue whatsoever what they were doing when it came to impressing me or, any woman.
Tip 1: If you are using a dating website, do not post a picture of yourself and your ex with her face all scratched out or covered by a menancing “smiley” face. Creepy. Stupid. Get someone to take a new photo of you.
Tip 2: Use good personal hygiene. Shave. Have clothes that are not 20+ years old on your body. Do not wear sneakers with Velcro instead of shoe laces.
Tip 3: Do not ask a woman to meet you at your home. I know this seems pretty basic but I had a guy want me to drive 2 hours to his house so he did not have to get out of his “comfy” clothes and meet me somewhere. This guy was NOT a keeper!
Tip 4: Don’t start the conversation with “I don’t want any drama in a relationship!” At this point in our lives, most of us have kids, have aging parents, have an ex spouse, have a job, family, etc. There is “drama” or what I refer to as ” living a normal life”.
Tip 5: Do not start talking about your sex life, or lack of sex life immediately. I have guys start this conversation like this..”everyone has needs..you know?” Well..I do now but I do not want to know what yours are on the first date or even the second or third date.
Tip 6: Do not speak to me and also text other people. This is a general rule of thumb here. I had a guy check his bank account, text a friend, text his kid all during lunch. What I should have done was walk out and not looked back.
Tip 7: Believe in yourself. Just because your relationship ended in divorce it does not mean you stink at relationships with the opposite sex. It also does not mean that you can not have a good and successful relationship with someone else.
Tip 8: Off to pay! I can almost guarantee you if you offer to pay a woman will jump in and offer to split it. Most women want things to be fair and equal and realize we are all trying to start over, raise our kids, etc.
Tip 9: Do not be cheap! I mean this seriously, very seriously. Men who have taken me out and made it a point to tell me not to expect them to “foot the bill” or that women “only want free drinks and dinners” did not last very long with me. Women want to feel special. We still want the guys in our lives to make us feel special. And trust me, what goes around comes right back around to you.
I don’t expect a man to carry me financially but when he tells me right out of the gate that he has no intention of offering even a cup of coffee, I’m not interested.
Tip 10: Do not act like this date is the prelude to marriage. Some guys are hell bent to find the new “one” and want to fast track things. Just like when you were young, rushing into a serious commitment usually resulted in things ending even quicker. Take it slow, have fun.
So as you enter this new phase in your life, don’t take juvenile dating habits with you. First impressions are important! Take care of yourself. Look at the pictures you are posting on that dating website! Is that picture taken 15 years ago? Take it off now!! Is it a previous wedding photo with the bride’s head all blacked out? No woman wants to see that.
I know this little piece was all aimed at what men need to do on the dating scene. However, you can substitute “man” and put in “woman” and all the same advice will apply!