That’s it. Now, I feel sorry for the guy. I mean how many jobs or contracts can one man possibly loose? Oddly, this seems to happen every time he receives a notice from my attorney (my increasingly despondent attorney). It’s simply the weirdest kismet there ever was.
First my ex gets a notice for a court hearing and then somehow he instantly knows he will be unemployed at some point in the near future; a future which falls just before the pre-hearing date. I shake my head at such unlucky timing for him.
I am not so cold-hearted that I don’t feel a bit of empathy for him. It must be awful to have such an up and down career all the time. Knowing him for 25 years as I do, I can only imagine it is demoralizing to have to admit such earnings defeat to everybody assembled in the courtroom (not a huge crowd, but still…).
I find I must give pep talks to my own attorneys at these low moments of discovery. “Don’t worry,” I tell them, “he always seems to land on his feet the week after the court date. Just wait and see. Eventually, we will have success.” They just look at me with that look. I think the look means they think I am overly optimistic. I see that look a lot. But I can’t help it. It’s the way I am wired.
My mom’s look is different, however. Her look, whenever she finds that this has happened yet again would scare a charging lion. Usually I try to avoid telling her.
But even though I remain full of confidence that my ex will be gainfully and profitably employed in a mere few weeks, even I have to admit that he has been through a LOT of career-breaks since our separation. Even in my eternal optimism I see how dismal the picture could seem to him, viewing a long future paved with pink slips. Therefore, I have resolved to do what I do in most instances when I want to comfort someone. I resort to my fallback gift, the potted plant. It’s the gift that, if watered, keeps on giving. Am I right?
Keeping my ex’s tragic circumstances in mind, I have narrowed the choices to the following five plants, but need help picking only one. Here they are:
1. A Venus Fly Trap: If his t.v. and internet cable get cut, he could watch it eat flies.
2. A Cactus: With the needles he could sew his own clothes and not shop at Nordstrom’s so much.
3. A Tomato plant: So he could live off the fat of the land (or potting soil). Food being so expensive for the unemployed.
4. An Aloe plant: With all the money spent on the exclusive beach house he rents every summer–in high season–I don’t want him to scrimp on skin care for my kids.
5. And last, but not least, a Four Leaf Clover to ward off the bad juju that brings about these uncanny layoffs that occur near the hearings for alimony and financial settlement.
I mean, some people might begin to get suspicious that maybe something a little underhanded was going on with the odd timing and the intermittent cries of poverty paired with his unflinching upscale lifestyle. But, I keep thinking, who would be so stupid to think that the same gag would work over and over and over again? And how could he count on any court of law to be so wooly-headed as to fall for such a gimmick?
This is why I believe my ex’s repetitive layoffs must be some seriously, perversely bad luck. And this is why he needs some TLC and a plant. If only I could decide which one…