What is that old saying ” Out with the Old and in with the New ” . This saying comes to mind when I think about the day I decided to separate from my husband of 9 years. The first 2 years of our marriage my husband struggled with alcohol and drug addiction. It took him getting in trouble with the law and an ultimatum from me to change his ways . But you can’t change spots on a leopard and soon those same addictions came back into our lives.
Anyone that has been in a relationship with an addict knows how emotionally draining and heart hardening the journey becomes with that person. I knew early on all that hurt and resentment I experienced during the newlywed years with my addict hubby wouldn’t fully heal no matter how much I tried to bury it . Someday I would have to face that hurt again and make a hard decision.
It was a Tuesday night and my hubby is running a local sports event in town as he does every week. His normal time home is around 9:30-10PM. Tonight though he didn’t come in at that time , he decided to come home at 2:30AM. Drunk and stoned and stumbling into our home. He was so intoxicated that he didn’t even make it to the restroom instead decided to go on our living room furniture , leaving me to clean up the mess at 3:30AM with a job to go into at 7AM and our 18 month old daughter asleep in the next room. I cannot tell you the RAGE I felt and I found myself sobbing on the floor as a mopped up the mess re living my life just 8 years before with this same behavior and those same addictions.
Call it an epiphany or standing my ground but the next day I came home and I told my hubby I wanted a separation. I told him I nor his daughter were going down that addict road with him. The hurt was already too deep with me from his previous stunts and no way was I going to let our baby girl live with him and this behavior. He would have to choose US or HIM . He choose HIM and left a week later.
It was the hardest decision I ever had to make to break up my family , but I knew I needed to protect my daughter and protect my heart from any further damage this behavior from him could cause us . It’s sad to think that someone would choose himself over his family but it happened to me and I count my blessings every day that it did and I was able to get a second chance to SAY NO this time around. This time I wasn’t scared to lose my marriage because the marriage I was losing wasn’t the marriage I really wanted . When I walked down the aisle in my white gown and pearls I dreamed of something wonderful and full of happiness and his addictions brought only sadness and tears.
My daughter and I are at PEACE , we have no worries on what he is doing in life. There is no negative distractions in our life. He comes to see our daughter when he can but never takes her for stays – most visitations are in my home a couple hours here and there. Part Time dad is his thing these days.
Getting rid of my OLD habit and not allowing my life to re- live those painful moments with his addictions allowed NEW to come into my life . New is the peace and joy and relief that bring that wonderful happiness.