What Is The Secret To Moving On After Divorce?
The secret to moving on after a divorce is to let go. It may sound simple, but can be difficult to accomplish. Trying to hold on to something to prevent the enviable (like a divorce) is a futile effort. After trying to fix a marriage, prevent divorce, and do all that we can, just let go.
If a spouse is going to leave, they will. So letting go of the marriage can mean a better period is on the horizon. You do not have to agree with a situation (departing spouse), but accepting that what is happening is partly out of your control, allows you to start getting unstuck and moving on with life. Recognize what is out of your control during the divorce process.
Let go of the minutia and concentrate on the most important aspects of divorce, such as the division of assets. This will help you to let go of the small stuff and concentrate on what matters the most to you.
Some people choose to allow divorce to rule their thoughts and emotions. They do not let go of the marriage, their spouse, or how ugly the divorce process came to be. Their divorce plays like an endless loop in their heads. Notice how this type of bitter person, who cannot let go, drives others away. Whether it is a marriage, a job, or whatever that ends, let go so you can move on to something else.
Filling Up The Hole That Divorce Leaves:
Filling that void is important. The gap of a departing spouse and end of a marriage needs to be filled. One way of plugging up this hole is to pour oneself into work. Take the course you have been meaning to which will advance your career. Take on extra projects which will also help your finances. Distraction helps to ward off the feeling of emptiness.
If you are used to doing activities as a duo, then start reaching out to others. Spend more time with family and renew friendships. I joined MeetUp.com which is available globally, to meet other women. Going to luncheons or gossiping over lattes with new girlfriends keeps any feelings of loneliness at bay. Pursue former hobbies or new interests. You have let go of your old life and get busy starting your new one.
Acceptance Is Key:
An acquaintance of mine was a wreck the last time that I saw her during her divorce. Gemma could not accept that her husband left her and desperately tried to hold onto her marriage, even though he would never come back. She could not let go of him and the idea of being married. I had danced at her wedding and felt sad for Gemma.
Fast forward five years and I did not recognize Gemma yesterday. I saw a radiantly happy woman talking to a guy who was in Toastmasters with me. When I went over to say hello I asked the woman if she was Gemma. I was shocked when she said yes.
After Gemma finally accepted her situation, she felt in charge of her life and was able to let go and move on. Gemma took an early retirement and started doing the activities that she had put on hold when married. Gemma said how fantastic her life is now. She is a great example that letting go and acceptance are the first steps to moving on. Gemma filled the emptiness with so many new pursuits and now is in a great relationship.
Take a hard look at your past history and you may be surprised how far you have come along after your divorce. Moving on is a process and not a destination.
More From Divorced Mom
- 6 Tips to Help You Bounce Back from Divorce
- 5 Ways To Find Peace And Closure After Divorce
- 6 Stages Of Acceptance I Went Through After My Divorce
- The Do-Over: Making the Most of Divorce
For more about divorce laws in your state, visit Divorce Magazine.