You are now separated from the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with. You think about him or her more than you care to and at times the thoughts of their smell, touch and warm body excite you. You have the thought – the wish – for a brief moment of what if? What if they call and ask you to come over? You know the reason. You know it’s probably going to end with sex. Then your phone goes off and you see the text, “Want to come over?” Do you go or don’t you?
This happened to me.
My ex and I split in October 2013. We had a lot of issues in our marriage, and admittedly some of the mistakes were mine. The final straw, though, was because of my ex’s infidelity. I was angry, hurt, and saddened by the way he ended us and our 13 year marriage.
After we split, we talked only when we had to. I missed him with every ounce of my heart. Christmas came and went, no call, no text, not even so much as travel safe North to visit the family. He didn’t care anymore and it showed.
My birthday was in January, and again no word, not even a text to say happy birthday. Then a portion of our divorce papers came and I saw that the papers were notarized by his mistress. I blew up like a grenade, and called him and gave him an earful. I figured that was the end of that.
In February we lost power due to an ice storm, which in the South this is a rare occurrence. On my way home from work, to my surprise I received a text from him. He wanted to know if I was ok. My brain was racing but so was my heart. I didn’t want to admit it but I missed him. Everything about him, even the bad things.
I didn’t mention it to my daughter when I flew out of the house at 10 PM that night that he had been texting me all afternoon and that I now was headed to his apartment. I couldn’t get to his door fast enough. We were drinking and talking and laughing. I loved that he told me he screwed up. He missed me and needed me. Needless to say even without heat I managed to stay warm, and I ended up spending the night.
The morning was awkward at best. It felt like we were strangers. He was very stand-offish to me and I felt like I had made the biggest mistake of my life. What was I expecting? I think what I was expecting was for him to say he was sorry, he made a mistake and wanted us to get back together. Instead it was the total opposite. In the weeks following our communication faded and he responded very little to my texts or emails.
So, having been there, I know the rationale for why you want to sleep with your ex:
- You miss him and believe it’s a harmless booty call.
- You both are unattached and maybe you can still work things out.
- You feel like a born again virgin and forget what sex is even like – and he is safe.
- It makes you feel wanted to be with him.
- You miss his smell, touch and the way his arms wrapped around you.
But beware, there are negative consequences!
- Who knows who he has slept with since your split or what diseases they carry.
- If you are not over him completely you will walk away with a broken heart.
- It can do havoc to your self-esteem to have a one-night stand with your ex.
- Do you really want to be a night-time booty call?
- You are an easy out for his loneliness and it has nothing to do with his feelings for you or the need to get back with you.
I would strongly recommend against having sex with your ex. When he wanted me, it made me feel as though all the bad had been washed away and now I was on his good side. In fact I was nothing more than a booty call for the evening because he was lonely or thinking of me for the brief two seconds it took for him to send me the text.
You are so much more than this and you deserve better. The best thing you can do when you are in this situation is ignore the text. If your ex still continues to text you I would respond back, “I’m on a date.” Nothing speaks payback with an ex than your happiness. Even if you are home alone snuggled in bed with your dog, they don’t need to know that. Remember the old saying an ex is an ex for a reason.
Are you over your ex?
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