How to have casual sex with ‘Mr. Right-NOW’ without getting hurt...
It has been a while since your divorce and you haven't had sex for 6 months. You fantasize about this guy you used to have casual sex with before your marriage. You feel like having a warm manly body in your bed… The kids are with grandma and you are off from work…
You text him; "Are you in for some fun like we used to?" Within seconds he replies; "Will be there in half an hour." Your face is flushing with excitement; you rush in the shower and put on your make-up and a sexy dress. You both know why he is coming over. For hot steamy sex, nothing more, nothing less. No commitments. It is fulfilling a need for both of you, without attachments…
One and a half hours later, he closes the door behind him. You get into the shower again. This time with a glow on your face. However, you feel a mix of feelings…contentment but also emptiness… even some sadness…
You just had casual sex with ‘Mr. Right-NOW’. You are ‘friends with benefits’. In the twenty first century it is ok to admit you are having casual sex and enjoy it for what it is; fun and uncomplicated.
But is it?
Casual sex can be exciting, adventurous and fun but it can get complicated if you don’t ‘play by the rules’. Here are 7 'rules' to having casual sex, and enjoying yourself without anyone getting hurt. It shows you, without judgment, how to protect yourself and others emotionally and physically if casual sex is on your list of things to do.
1. Pick your sex partner wisely
Don’t hit the sack with a vulnerable guy with abandonment issues or who is secretly hoping for more. Don’t look for a guy on a chat room on the internet who you don’t know anything about. Too risky! He may be a serial killer or his internet photo may represent him twenty years ago…
2. An ex-boyfriend is usually a potential candidate
Providing the break up wasn’t too bad and mutual and off course you still have physical attraction for each other your ex could be a potential candidate. Obviously, sex was not the reason you broke up. Remember, if one of you still has hope to get back together, it will not work and create heart ache in the end.
3. Keep it brief and don’t spend too much time together
The more time you spend with your ex, the more you will be reminded why you broke up in the first place. When you do, and especially if a lack of respect for this man was an issue, the sexual attraction will decrease with this realization. How can you keep having sex with someone you don’t respect or admire for who he is? If your ‘Mr. Right-NOW’ is not an ex, spending a lot of time together will create more emotional attachment and the risk of heart ache when you both decide to go your separate ways.
4. Protect yourself physically
In the heat of the moment, don’t lose site of being a responsible person who takes care of yourself. If he has casual sex with you, chances are he is having it with other women (or men?) as well. Use protection to shield yourself from potentially getting any STD’s or HIV from your sex-buddy.
5. Be clear about your expectations of each other
If you are not clear about the casuality and your 'no-strings attached-policy' your ‘friend with benefits’ may not be on the same page. He may think he is investing in a long-term relationship, may get disappointed or jealous when you meet ‘Mr right’ or when you decide to stop your liaisons with him. So be straightforward with your expectations and what you want to offer him. It may sound like a business-like agreement but at least you are being clear and honest.
6. Don’t introduce your ‘Mr. Right-NOW’ to your children
Don’t introduce a man to your children unless you have the intention to be serious with him. Remember that you are a role model for them. You want to introduce your children and get attached to your “Mr. Right”, NOT to a guy that may be there temporarily to be your ‘transitional person’. As an adult, you can choose whatever feels good to you, providing nobody gets hurt. Unless you want your teenage kids to do the same (which I don’t recommend), keep this type of ‘relationship’ hidden from their sight.
7. Casual sex is not for everyone
If you can handle having casual sex without getting hurt emotionally, depends on your personality, sensitivity, maturity and ego strength. If you have abandonment issues, or depression, suicidal thoughts or get easily ‘out-of-balance,’ better to stay away from casual sex. For you, investing in a lasting relationship with mutual respect and admiration is a better idea.
Don’t be surprised if your friends or sisters, who enjoy casual sex in this period of their lives, at some point, get tired of it, and follow your example.