A Word To The Brokenhearted

 

This article by Adiba Nelson first appeared on Ravishly, your first  stop for feminist hugs.”

 

You did things in bed. And on the floor. AND ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER. Things that you had never done, and promised yourself you’d never do with another human being.

Hey girl. Yeah, you — the girl who feels like her life just came to a screeching halt. Maybe your partner left you. Maybe you lost your job. Whatever it is, that shit hurt, didn’t it? Yeah, it did. Worse than a bee sting on your lady parts on a hot summer day — this stings like no other.

You put time and energy into your “dream job.”

You did things in bed. And on the floor. AND ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER. Things that you had never done, and promised yourself you’d never do with another human being.

You were as vulnerable as an unborn child, relying on another for love, safety, care, nourishment, strength, and breath. And now, it’s over. They’ve chosen another person, another heart, another option, another life. And it’s not you. And they’ve made no room for you in it.

Like I said, it stings. I get it. I’ve lost my “dream job” because it was more important to me that I be a good mom. I’ve been dumped for being too fat, too thin, too Black, and not Black enough. There was always another woman waiting in the wings to take my place, and often times she had already taken my place before I realized I’d even lost my place. But there’s something I learned in all this being replaced: While they were busy replacing me, the universe was busy making space for me.

Did you catch that? I’ll say it again.

While they were busy replacing me, the universe was busy making space for me.

What do I mean by that? Come close sweet Ravisher, I’ve got a little wisdom to share with you. You, in all your delicious glory, are on a path in this life. You have a purpose, a reason for being, a reason for living. It may not be on some Wonder Woman, superhero level, but you have a purpose. Every star in the sky knows it. Every molecule you move through in your day knows it — even if you don’t.

The universe always knows, and so what it does in all its lovely knowing is it clears a path for you. When the universe sees that things have reached the point where they stand to steer you off your path, it will clear a way for you to continue moving onward and upward. Now, sadly, we don’t always choose to stay on path, because the familiar is just that — familiar. And we have no idea what the hell is waiting for us down the rest of that path.

What if it’s horrible? What if it’s filled with despair? What if you never recover and end up a destitute old woman with 50 cats, and you die alone except for your cats, and they eat your face off and the only way the police are able to identify you is because you wrote “Property of Anne Smith, Touch, and Die” on the inside cover of your signed copy of 50 Shades of Grey?

Or, what if none of that happens?

What if you accept this clearing as the new normal and move forward full of hope, growing stronger every day, realizing that you’ve always been able to breathe on your own? What if you wake up every day with a heart that’s a little bit lighter because you’re excited about what sort of sparkly shenanigans might be waiting for you?

What if you moved on down this path that the universe has cleared for you and found out that, holy hot damn — you survived! And you’re doing better than ever before, and the yoke that you once carried in the form of obligatory love had transformed into a sparkling coat of self-love and mutual admiration between your body, mind, and soul? That the tears of heartbreak you once cried had been replaced by tears from the limitless, unbridled joy you now experience?

What if that happened?

Take the step. Start down the path. Watch the magic unfold.

Then come back and tell me what happens, though I’m betting it’s fabulous because I can see your sparkle from here. Happy trails, darling Ravishers. Happy trails.

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