Being Divorced and Single is one of the things I am the most grateful for in my life. I love life, every single moment. I have no regrets, I have the maddening (according to my children) ability to find the good that comes from any situation no matter how dire it seems at the moment. With that caveat I confess the following ways being a single mom is hard:
It holds back my career. My boss doesn’t come right out and say it but the message is there, he thinks I should be dedicated to my children not my career. He thinks the answer is to take my ex back to court for more child support. I love my boss, we get along really well but he (twice divorced) is a loving responsible dad. He pays child support, spousal support, and supports his children in so many ways it is unreal. He doesn’t understand you cannot get blood from a turnip… my ex is not going to ever support our children financially, emotionally or in any other way. Mental illness changes the ball game.
My paycheck is our sole means of support. I don’t have a backup plan, and I need one. If something goes wrong I have to figure it out. I don’t have family I can call that will run to our aid. We did have savings when I was married, however the ex chose to do other things with that money, as well as our children’s college funds. Honestly the thought of putting four children through college scares the shit out of me.
I am not mechanically minded. If something breaks… oh I have to force myself to remain calm. It doesn’t matter if it is a clogged toilet or a car that won’t start, I panic. I honestly have no idea how to handle these things. I try, and fail. I try again and my children laugh at my ineptitude. I can put a nail in the wall and hope against hope that I hit a stud when I am hanging a heavy wall hanging. I know how to put gas in my jeep, oh and I can add windshield washer fluid all by myself. Sadly, I am proud of those two accomplishments. I do not have the strength to change a tire. I know how to do it, I did it once when I was 17. However, just being honest here, I wouldn’t drive any vehicle where I was the one that tightened the lug nuts… seriously that tire might go flying off.
I was married to a mechanic, someone the entire world seems to count on for all repairs, and he is good at it, very good. He can fix literally anything (except our marriage but he had no desire to fix that). I depended on him to get around to repairing the things in our home. I have a friend (not local) that can tackle anything; she is amazing when it comes to home repairs, but that isn’t me. I am not miss sexy home repair model. Nope, Not me at all. I am a stiletto wearing, pretty nail polish, looks cute 95% of the time kind of girl. I like the woman I am.
Married women seem to think I want their husbands. Petty jealousy messes up the most innocent of friendships. Guys don’t want their wives to hang out with me because they fear divorce is contagious. Married girlfriends don’t have time, they are always busy with their significant others. The other married girlfriends act like I am on the prowl, searching for the first good man so I can seduce him. Lordy dear; that is the last thing I would ever want. I love healthy strong relationships, seeing them restores my faith in humanity. I would never be a party to the destruction of a relationship.
Every rose has its thorn. Being divorced is my rose and now you have heard some of my thorns… What is the most difficult part of being a single woman for you?