This is a subject that has been on my mind lately…why do some women not feel the need to work after divorce? The vast majority of us understand the need to become self-sufficient and able to provide financially for ourselves and our children.
Some, however, feel their ex-husband should continue to bear all the responsibility post-divorce or, they have the skewed belief that alimony and child support frees them up from having to worry about their future financial security.
I see this belief played out in my Facebook timeline constantly. Women divorce, spend years living off child support and alimony, and then BAM, those funds run out, and they pay the consequences of not planning ahead.
And they justify this behavior by saying, “I was a stay-at-home mom, and I’m going to continue to be a stay-at-home mom. That is all fine and dandy until your children are no longer at home, the child support comes to an end, and alimony runs out.
Why aren’t these women wondering about who will send them monthly checks when the ex no longer has to or starts refusing to?
I understand the fear associated with lifestyle changes that can come along with divorce. I was a stay-at-home mom for 16 years before my ex left, and if all really were “fair in love and war,” he should have been made to take care of the woman he abandoned. It isn’t fair, though, and it does none of us any favors to hold onto the way things should be instead of facing the reality of how things now are.
Thanks to no-fault divorce laws, women who are left behind can no longer depend on the man who left them to continue to take care of them. And there is no excuse for not taking care of ourselves.
And, women who leave a marriage certainly should not expect a man they no longer want to be married to, to support them after divorce. Seriously, no!
Women, whether they have children or not, need to return to work after divorce. If they want to survive financially, there is no other way to conduct their lives post-divorce.
15 Very Important Reasons You Will Want To Work After Divorce
1. You Earn
Financial independence and freedom can be one of the most important variables that influence the quality and quantity of a woman and her children’s lives. It means better food on the table, a better roof over their heads, and a bit of money in the bank after the bills are paid.
It can also be one of the most liberating aspects of a decent quality of life and respect.
2. You Learn
Learning is one of the foundational pillars of personal and professional growth and life, and the sky (rather your view of the sky) is the limit to what you can learn when you work. The most important thing you’ll learn is that you can be self-sufficient.
3. You Become Independent
You have an identity of your own – independent of your personal relationships and associations. There’s no telling how important it is in your own self-confidence and self-worth.
4. You Improve
Your general knowledge improves – just by being part of a world outside of the 4-walls, you observe, listen and comprehend a lot, lot more. You become more than a mother!
5. You Appreciate Equality
You appreciate the differences and nuances of the world within the 4-walls and outside the 4-walls. Trust me, this bursts your bubbles in terms of what it takes to be a working woman!
6. Your View Changes
You get to see how fair/unfair life is beyond the 4-walls. And that changes the way you view your own life and the way you live your life
7. Your Self-Esteem Increases
Your own self-esteem increases significantly – you just feel so much more surer of yourself.
8. You Get Recognition
Your family and society view you in a new light – many times, this translates into more respect and value they associate with you.
9. You Get Empowered
You are better enabled, equipped, and empowered to make decisions – simply because you know that you have a choice.
10. You Can Shop
You can “buy” things for yourself – yes! You’re a good prospect for (m)any business. You pump money into the economy and boost money circulation. You don’t have to do without things you need if you’re part of the workforce.
11. You Become a Role Model
You can be a role model to someone, especially your daughters! I know many of my role models are everyday working women who balance life and work every single day.
12. You Learn Life Skills
You learn a lot of key “life skills.” Top among them are time management, communication, negotiation, and saying NO.
13. Learn To Let Go
You tend to let go of a lot of excess baggage. Many times it is simply because you don’t have time to delve into the past or worry about the future.
14. You Inspire
You can inspire someone somewhere. Just by being a live example of “It is possible, you can do it.”
15. Your Family Prospers
Your work will directly / indirectly play a significant part in your children’s standard of living. There is no better reason to work after a divorce than that!