Question:
I live in the state of Colorado. My husband has been cheating on me and I’m about to file for divorce. I was told that because of no-fault divorce laws that I can’t use his cheating as grounds for divorce. Is this true, can he cheat, spend money on this other woman, and not be held accountable?
Answer:
Being “held accountable” is a phrase tossed around by frustrated spouses a lot. The answer we divorce lawyers have is only going to add to your frustration – so let’s just get this out of the way so at least you aren’t paying your attorney’s hourly rate while on top of being frustrated, here it is: it depends. Now let’s break it down:
Will the judge want to hear about his cheating (or even care)? Not really. Keep in mind that judges see many cases every day and many of those cases involve some claim of wrongdoing by one or both spouses – cheating, lying, porn addiction, domestic violence – and that’s just one day’s worth of the sad parade marching through their courtrooms.
Can he spend money on another woman and not have to pay it back? We’re back to “it depends” (sorry, I know everyone hates that answer!). Some states have laws that allow a spouse to ask for reimbursement for money spent behind your back. But let me ask a more important question, how much did he spend? Are we talking about a $20,000 luxury trip to Paris or a few nights at a Motel 6 in Boulder? If it will cost you more in attorney fees than he spent, let it go. As the saying goes, there is no sense throwing good money after bad.
Speaking not as a lawyer, but as one divorced mom to another, this is a road you do not want to go down, sweetie. Spending hours pouring over the financial details of your husband’s cheating to prepare evidence for court is incredibly painful. In my many years as a divorce attorney, I have only seen a handful of people actually be able to recover money spent on affairs. It’s hard to prove and judges don’t like dealing with it.
I would focus your efforts on getting a fair property and support settlement instead. Then set aside a little money to treat yourself to a spa day, maybe some cute shoes, and a whole lotta therapy so that you can heal and move on to the great life you deserve.
FAQs About Money Your Husband Spent On The Other Woman:
How to recover money my husband spent on the other woman?
Better think about securing your future than trying to get back money your husband spent on the other woman. Only in a few cases, spouses have been able to recover the money their husbands spent on the other woman. You will end up spending more money in attorney fees even if you were able to recover the amount spent on the other woman.
How do I prove my husband spent money on the other woman?
Judges don’t like to deal with cases involving recovery of money a husband spent on the other woman. Besides, it takes a lot of effort, money, and evidence, which is not easy to get.
Do judges care about cheating in divorce cases?
Judge will care more about what the both spouses want in a divorce case instead of finding out details of your husband’s affair. Every other case before family court judges relate to some sort of wrongdoing on a spouse’s part. Domestic abuse, lying, porn addiction and alcohol abuse are some of the allegations the judges hear on daily bases.
Although I grew up in Denver, I now live in Columbus, OH and filed here- OH allows both filing on fault or no fault grounds. I filed on adultery and mental cruelty.
At the time I filed, I had discovered during the holidays that my husband was in his second long affair and had been hiding his work bonuses from me, took many romantic trips that I had no idea about and he had even had rented a luxurious secret residence with his married mistress that turned out to be just a few miles from our marital home.
I did subpoena all his financials and went through them to ask for half of the hidden/squandered marital funds back. It was very essential to me to do this even though it was very painful and extremely time consuming.
I needed to UNRAVEL and EXAMINE what he had been doing financially behind my back in order to start moving forward.