My husband handed me a drink Friday night and that was it. The next morning I woke up naked on our bathroom floor sick. My head was pounding, the room was spinning and I could barely move.
I separated from my husband in 2011 and got divorced in 2012. There have been and still are so many problems that it feels like I’m still in 2011 and I have to remind myself it’s over and time to move on. But I can’t stop looking back and analyzing my ex-husband and the life we shared over and over again. It’s like watching home videos and seeing the natural progression to the end.
My husband proposed by asking me, “Would you like to go on an adventure?” My married life was nothing short of an adventure, so he kept his word. Everyone thought my life was perfect – and I was taught by my husband perception is everything. My husband throughout our marriage thought he was a knight in shining armor to women – and I ended up repeatedly apologizing for his infidelity. I know it sounds crazy, but I apologized for making him do it every single time because it was my fault.
Here’s the moment I knew I had to not just leave but RUN: It was Memorial Day weekend and we were working on being the happy, perfect family. A couple months prior we had a typical elephant in the room problem. It was the same problem, just another day/year. The difference this time was that I had been sleeping on the couch since February. I refused to sweep it under the carpet, forget about it or better yet acknowledge the problem was MY fault and I brought it on myself.
My husband handed me a drink Friday night and that was it. The next morning I woke up naked on our bathroom floor sick. My head was pounding, the room was spinning and I could barely move. I closed my eyes and thinking even hurt. My husband was up and getting ready for a busy Saturday. He came into the bathroom to brush his teeth and noticed I was awake. He told me I was amazing last night and thanked me for exonerating him. Yes, that is right EXONERATING. Exonerating is a big, long word that hurt to even say. I had to remember that word because I never heard it before and I had to look it up. My head was pounding and I kept saying it over and over again. Fast forward to today, four years later, and I wish I could forget the word.
My husband told our three kids I had the flu not to bother me. My son covered me with a bath towel and they ran off to start their day. When the phone rang everyone was told I had the flu, and that they should call back in a couple of days. I stayed in the bathroom all day Saturday and slept on the floor. Finally, I was able to get up on Sunday without getting sick.
I looked up the word exoneration and began to cry. The definition is to clear, as of an accusation; free from guilt or blame (he was exonerated from cheating). On Sunday I asked my husband what happened. The last thing I remember was him handing me a drink Friday night and I could not remember ANYTHING until I woke up Saturday morning (it’s the same to this day – I don’t remember). He was cool, calm and casually replied he put something in my drink to see what would happen. Then he proceeded to tell me that was the best sex we have ever had and I was amazing. I was dumbfounded and told him he could have killed me with whatever he gave me. He just looked at me, opened his top dresser drawer, removed a bottle and left the bedroom.
After I put the kids on the school bus Tuesday morning I called an attorney for a consultation. That morning for the first time in 18 years of marriage I was physically scared for my life. There was no way I could sweep this under the rug, take the blame and apologize for what he did to me or continue with my perceived perfect life. I had no idea what I was going to do. I was a stay at home mom and just knew it was time.
I met the attorney and immediately filed for divorce. I DID share my story with her and she asked me for a copy of my police records and hospital results. I will be honest, it never crossed my mind to call the police (right or wrong I can’t answer that, I just didn’t) and I couldn’t have taken myself to the hospital. The attorney told me that my husband was correct with his statement – he was exonerated.
I filed for a no-fault divorce.
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/.Mary,
Thank you for sharing such a personal and painful story. What I find even more terrifying than being drugged, which could have cost you your life, is the fact that an attorney would react with such indifference. What he did was not just abuse, it was a crime. I would love to know how the court/judicial system treated you along the way during your divorce. I think everyone, until they actually experience it, believes the court system will protect, provide a fair and just process. Isn’t that the premise of our American judicial system ~fair and just. Please share your story and journey, as it sounds as though you were dealing with a very dangerous, vindictive spouse. I can only suppose your divorce journey had many difficult moments as well. Thanks for sharing.
I’m not a mom posting on “divorcedmoms”, but a dad involved in a very similar case. Reading this helped me process the situation, so thank you! I too have taken a while to understand what kind of person would use that level of trust with such an evil intent.
I woke up the next morning and went to the ER to get a toxicology report done, which found Benzodiazepine. I also went to the police and filed a report. Police were of pretty much no use though. It was difficult enough to just get them to file a report because it was a “domestic issue”. They wouldn’t move forward with an investigation/arrest. Probably doesn’t help that I am a man reporting this behavior, hate to say.
I wonder what the statute of limitations is for having something like this investigated. Any attorneys reading this that could tell me? It’s been about a year and a half since the incident. Maybe having a particular type of attorney driving this could push and pursue an investigation?
I am in the final stages of divorce (just waiting for assets to be divided).
Oh my gosh reading this was like reliving my own. My ex husband drugged me also. He told my two beautiful girls that mommy had the flu, so they stayed in their rooms and watched tv all day and night. I actually did have a friend take me to the hospital the next day to get drug tested so I could have on record the event and the drugs. It didn’t really help me much in court. The judge told my ex husband not to bring it up or he would turn it into a criminal case. Judge wasnt pleased. I’m so sorry you had to go through that also. It caused me major anxiety for 2 years after and sometimes still (almost 3 years later). I couldn’t eat or drink in a public place and lost over 25 pounds. Wierd. Anyway thank you for sharing.. I’d love to know the rest of the story. I’m glad we got out. They will go to any measure to get what they want. Disgusting. You take care ❤
That was a shitty attorney. They should’ve sent you for a toxicology screen. Most states now have marital rape laws. That counts as rape, and drugging you was an assault. The fact that your husband did it was itrelevant.
There was a case several years ago of a husband drugging his wife with Ambien and photographing her while he had sex with her. He got a jail sentence.
Thank you for sharing your story. I think my husband has been drugging me. I wish I could leave but I depend on my husband financially.