My Custody Arrangement: Is It Really In The Best Interests Of My Children?
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By My Perspective, Guest Author - May 27, 2015


I am just going to say it! The court system sucks. When my twins were infants, I was the one at home handling everything all alone every night while my ex was out partying and drinking. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to me, yet he got 50 percent custody of our kids.

How is it that the one who wasn't there for them, who didn't take responsibility, gets rewarded by getting 50 percent custody while the person who was there for them all the time taking full responsibility, not to mention giving them all the love and care they deserve, gets punished by losing time with their kids? I am sorry, but I don't get how that makes sense.

How is it that someone who was emotionally abusive is allowed to spend alone time with the kids? If he had physically abused me, I would have had some recourse, but because my scars are not visible, it's as if it doesn't exist in the eyes of the court. Yet, the truth is, my kids have to spend half their time with an abuser.

I continue to struggle and work hard to make ends meet. Don't get me wrong, I have two wonderful children, a good job and a nice place to live, food to eat, and a small social life. My kids also go to a great school, so I know I am very blessed. But divorce takes a huge financial toll even on the one that didn't want it. It's a shared burden even though I had no choice in the matter. So I still have a lot of catch up to do.

My ex was able to land a great job at a big well known company. He has the kids on his time, but when he has other plans, he conveniently asks me to take them. The kids have expressed that they want to spend some extra time with me, and he uses his power and won't let them saying it's "my day." He nickels and dimes me on doctor/dentist bills while all along being late on child support. I hold strong that my day will come, but I don't want to have to fight him. I want peace in my life, and want to heal.

I have an amazing father, so I know the importance of having a dad in my kids' lives, and I don't want to take that away from them. I just wish the courts would realize that taking young children away from a loving, caring mother who has been there for them from the beginning, isn't in the best interest of the children. I can guarantee you that if child support was inversely related to time, my ex would happily give more custody so he can have more of that bachelor lifestyle that he left me for. My ex doesn't want to pay me a penny more, so he will make sure that I don't have the opportunity to ask for it. 

I am not saying he doesn't love our children. He does in the only way he knows how. I am not saying it's wrong that we share custody, or that the kids don't want to spend time with him because they do, and they should spend time with him. But it's just so obvious to me that the way the system is set up, it's more about the money and not about what is best in the circumstance. 

I am sure I am not the only one that thinks the system is corrupt. I know I can take him to court over child support, but that will cost me time and money as well. I wish there were a way for the court system to see how easy it is for people to take advantage of the system. In the end, it's the kids who suffer. How is that in their best interest?

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