With all the problems I had in my marriage, I do understand that it takes two. I really liked MY LIFE. A married stay-at-home mom with three great kids. But I had stopped acting as a wife to my husband, “Tim”. I loved staying at home and enjoyed down time. Tim was social and wanted to go out every weekend and wanted someone who liked the same things. He became restless with the current life we shared. But how our marriage unraveled and the events that occurred were nothing short of disrespectful and bullshit.
It was a cold winter weekend. I just wanted to stay home, watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch. Tim was ready to hit the town with our friends. Our conversation shifted to arguing, escalating to yelling with Tim going out alone. Wheww!!! Well, it was nice and quiet and yes I watched a movie, ate ice cream and contently fell asleep on the couch.
The next morning I woke up to Tim crying in our family room. Tim could cry huge crocodile tears at the drop of a hat so I wasn’t surprised. I came to find out Tim never came home that night, but that wasn’t unusual. He said he had something to tell me and he hoped I would forgive him, then he proceeded to tell me he had sex with my best friend. The only reason he was telling me was our boys were sleeping over at her house and they think the boys heard. Tim wanted to tell me before I walked out the door to pick them up.
Go figure!!!! I listened and didn’t say one word. Tim had many indiscretions in our marriage, and I had made rules for myself when Tim would tell me or I would find out he was running around. My golden rule was to let situations go, but if it came in my home I would be done. I already didn’t trust my husband, enjoy having sex with him, enjoy him – period. And now his infidelity, around the kids, was directly in my home. I didn’t have to ask the big WHY question? My best friend was attractive, had a great job, social and I knew they were friends and liked one another. That evening I moved to the couch. I didn’t know what to think and I wasn’t ready to leave or get divorced.
I didn’t speak to Tim or my best friend. There really wasn’t anything to say. Was I mad? The sad answer is not really. The first time he cheated, hell yes!!!! But over the years I had emotionally removed myself from my husband. I was more worried about my life I had built around my kids, at the time what I considered a perfect life.
A couple weeks passed when my best friend said she needed to talk to me. Our boys were friends, went to school together and it was a little hard to ignore her at this point. She told me the same story but thank goodness left out the sexual details. (Tim had told me to see if I would flinch or just show a little emotion.) The weekend she was with my husband, hers was out of town working. She proceeded to tell me she loved her husband, kids and the life they built. They had problems in their marriage but talked and were going to therapy to work on their marriage. She asked if I would keep this incident to myself. Why let this destroy two families instead of one. I told her I would keep it to myself and if she wanted to share it with her husband it would be her decision. She still wanted to be my friend and I did tell her that friends don’t screw other wives’ husbands. Don’t think after Tim told me I didn’t want to scream it from my front porch step, call the school PTA board and slap her silly. but I stopped with these visions and pictured my three kids.
Did her husband, even for a moment, catch on that something was up in the neighborhood? Ohhhh yes and he called me, concerned because our spouses talked everyday and felt it was only a matter of time before something would happen. He asked me if I thought they have had sex. I told him that would be a great question for his wife during a therapy session and let me know how she answers it. He never called me back.
Not yelling this crap from the rooftop or speed dialing everyone I knew was one of the best decisions I have made so far. Our kids to this day see each other in school. Our families still live in the same community. I can’t even imagine what heartache I spared my children.
Don’t get me wrong, I am human with a ton of feelings. I wish my former best friend warts, loss of hair, teeth and this break down of a family eats at her everyday. In reality when she sleeps at night next to her husband my family is an after thought.
GUESS WHAT………….my boys NEVER heard!!!!!!!!!!
Related Articles:
- Facing Your Spouse’s Infidelity… Not the Dear Abby Way!
- Infidelity: Knowing Why Doesn’t Keep Him From Cheating Again
- He Cheated, Will A Judge Hold Him Accountable?
- So He Cheated… Does That Make Him A Bad Guy?
The lesson here is that we should sweep affairs under the rug to protect the cheating spouses image and to fool the children into thinking life is easy?
We also shouldn’t help a person (the husband) that reaches out to us even if we have information to set them free from an abusive relationship?
Your husband didn’t cheat on you because you weren’t social enough, or becuase you were a stay at home mom. It was because of his own selfish choices probably based on poor character and lack of boundaries. He could have been honest with you and asked for a divorce or therapy. You are right about ‘it takes two’ Her and him… NOT you. Stop already with the ‘it takes two’ please, unless he asked if it was okay to be a creep and you said ‘sure’.
Leave this dirt bag, and before he gives you AIDS or baboon syphilis! There are many women that act like “Tim,” as well, these days, and they should be kicked to the curb immediately also. Don’t be a fool. These folks don’t love you, or anyone. Also watch “48 hours,” or any of those real life murder show, playing weekly. First these type folks cheat on you, then they insure you, then they kill you for the life insurance! If they’ll cheat on you rampantly they’d kill you for money, and if you don’t think so you’re naive. They already don’t care that the affair is killing you.