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Déjà Vow
Doing it over & over & over again until I get it right...
This ride is so much fun I've decided to do it again!
May 16, 2013
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Yeah.  Right.

Ok, I'll admit that I've been divorced once.  And now I'm working on divorce number two.

I guess I'm starting this blog to get out of my head for a while.  There's too much going on in there right now and I need a vacation.  Well, since Divorce #2 resulted in my losing my job, I guess I am technically already on vacation.  Are you still here?  Wow, you must be "on vacation" too.

Settle in and let me tell you The Story of Me.  I'll give you the abridged version for now. I'm sure there will be plenty of sleepless nights in the future for us to share more tales of woe.  But for now, I'll keep it short and sweet and maybe even a little humorous.  What's that you say?  Not ready for laughing yet?  That's OK.  I'm not all laughs either...  There will be lots crying and it will be my tears shorting out my keyboard.

The Story of Me

Once upon a time I married my college sweetheart and we settled into the typical married life cycle of me being myself and him feeling overshadowed.  So after 10 years of not fighting and sex withholding, he left.  And he left in a big way.  The kind of leaving where he took a new job in a new state and asked me to come with him.  Which I did because I was a good wife who supported her husband's career.  Then, three weeks after moving into the new house, he moved out.  And had a girlfriend.  And decided he wanted out. And left me in a new house with no job, no friends, and no clue.

Yeah, that was fun.

Fast forward three years and the divorce is final.  I'm much better than the puddle of goo Husband #1 left behind.  I'm happy with myself.  I have difficult times still but I'm much happier.  Enter Future Husband #2.

We met at a divorce recovery party.  How fitting was that?  His wife had left him.  My husband had left me.  We were both self-improved, recovered, dedicated, and understood that relationships were hard work.  I had found the perfect partner.  We hit it off and fell in love.  Mad, crazy love where each of us thought we had found the right person.  We'd both been scarred.  We'd both been burned.  And we both believed that in our failures, we could do it again, only better this time.

And then the fighting started.

I thought standing up for yourself was a good thing.  I guess too much standing up is not. Husband #1 and I never fought so resentment built up.  Now Husband #2 and I were airing out our frustrations so no resentment would build, right?  He'd been on the debate team in school, so he could argue both sides.  I think he liked to argue.  I think he especially liked to argue with me.  We would fight about little things, big things, medium things, anything.  But it was still OK because the makeup sex was great.  And no silent resentment...

And then, after 10 years, he wanted out.  He was tired of fighting.  He'd given up fighting sometime over the past year but I just hadn't noticed.  What I did see was that I was being ignored.  So the cycle started...

deja-vow-Our-circle-of-hell.jpg

The more he ignored me, the more I fought to be noticed, the more he withdrew.  And we repeated this over and over and over again until he decided to go.

The official date of his leaving is March 16th, 2013.  It's been exactly 2 months since he left.  I still don't know what's going on with us.  Our communication is limited to a couple of emails and a phone call.  There's much more to this story but like a good teaser, this will get you a ticket into my head right now....

As I travel the road to Divorce #2, the same doubts fill my mind.  What did I do wrong?  Why wasn't he strong enough to work this out?  What can I do to make sure I don't repeat this cycle again? What is wrong with me?  Will anyone ever love me again?  I'm sure you're thinking some of these same things.  And that's normal.  Having been in this situation before helps (just a little) but it doesn't mean I've got a heart of stone.

I'll end with these words:  I am worthy.

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