Its funny how time is – one day your life is going well and your a family , the next your separating / divorcing from a family . My husband was going thru a mid life crisis and becoming a person that I couldn’t even stand to be around let alone married too. I had to make a decision accept it , change it or leave it . Due to the age of our daughter I could not accept it , he wasnt’t changing it so it gave me no other choice but to leave it .
During the next 2 months while we worked on setting up separate households and negotiating our way thru distribution of assets /debts pre divorce , that man that I stood at the alter with 9 years ago showed me a person whom I KNEW I was not going to regret leaving .
Here are my tips to you for going thru this dark tunnel and making it out the other side unscathed and better off :
1. FOCUS SHIFT TO YOU AND KIDS : I remember the night he stood me up for Mother’s Day dinner after telling me he would be there and go ahead and make it for us . After that night I never made another meal for him , I didn’t do his laundry and I didn’t buy anything for him including soap or deodorant. I turned my focus on me and my kids and never looked back . Its hard to take but when someone you thought loved you and treats you badly you have no choice but to get mad and get over it as quickly as possible .
2. IGNORE HIM : I believe men behave badly to get attention. For those 2 months we had to continue living together while being separated , my husband acted out and said things to me that I could not even believe were him . My famous words I would always say back to him were ” tomato, tomoto that why we are separating ” to avoid the conflict and ignore his behavior completely. I knew his emotions were manic and I did not want to play into them nor did I even care to defend any hurtful or nasty thing he said to me because I knew I WAS BETTER than that .
3. DO NOT OFFER SYMPATHY : If you see your soon to be ex crying one day over the guilt and confusion of divorce so not offer him sympathy . He is a BOY who chose to walk out on a wife and family . BOYS CRY , MEN do not . When he becomes a MAN he’ll cry less . Where was his sympathy when you were crying over the heartbreak of the relationship. Hand him a tissue and walk away .
4. DO NOT TALK BADLY ABOUT HIM : As much as you want to say F*CK YOU , don’t. Scream it into a pillow , write it in a journal but dont mutter a sound or word to him that is negative or your kids . Take the high road and your be a better person for it . I am a very spiritual person and I used to just stare at him when he would fire negativity towards me cause I was determined to not fire it back . I would just smile back at him and know that I was going to handle this situation with love and respect and walk away if I needed to .
5. THE NEW YOU : Nothing says revenge like a NEW YOU. I slept better , I ate better , I exercised more and I freaking glowed because of all of it . For the first time in 9 years I saw someone in the mirror that I haven’t seen in YEARS and I missed her. I knew that I only had me and my kids to worry about and it felt great . I could go where I wanted , dress how I wanted , act how I wanted and it felt great. The best revenge – dropping my daughter off for her weekend with dad and having his friends mouths drop to the floor as I walked by . Pretty sure he got a ” your stupid ” comment here and there after I left.