When going through a divorce and after it’s final, it is easy to get caught up in all of the negativity. But here are 10 positive things that I got out of my divorce.
1. Holy shit! I survived!!
I filed! I fought! And I won! My divorce didn’t kill me, and even though at times it felt like it might, it didn’t.
The pain was real and at times completely overwhelming, but eventually it went away and has made me stronger than I was before. I actually feel alive!
When you are going through a divorce, it’s normal to feel bad about yourself…feeling like the ultimate failure…but you’re not. It takes two to marry and it takes two to divorce. Am I still bitter? Yep…sure am…but I’m stronger because of it.
2. My girls are strong, healthy, and happy.
My girls are strong, healthy, and happy despite the divorce. In fact, I believe that they are stronger, healthier, and happier because of the divorce. They don’t have to feel the tension anymore, hear the arguments, see mommy cry, or see their dad lose his temper and punch the wall.
Children are very resilient, overcoming situations much faster than adults and I think we need to give them more credit! Here is my #1 rule when talking about your ex in front of your kids: always speak nicely of the other parent, even if you hate them. This is an absolute must. I would like nothing more than to tell them that their dad is a self-absorbed asshole, but I don’t. They will learn the truth in time and even though they are still young, they see and understand things more than we realize. Kids are amazing!
3. I am not alone.
“I’m alone and I will die alone because my marriage is over.” “No one will ever love me again.” These are just a couple of the thoughts I had during my divorce. But the truth is, I’m not alone, never was, and never will be. He left, I filed. It happened. But I have my two beautiful girls, my family, my friends, my co-workers, and even the old guy at the gas station that always stares at my boobs, so how could I even think that I was alone?!
It’s because I was the worst at reaching out and asking for help, but I soon learned that people all around us want to help, they just don’t know how until you tell them what you need. Don’t be afraid to open up to people! And remember, you lost one person in your life…look how many more are still around!
4. Life goes on.
Life goes on and you can do one of two things: you can either dwell in the past while feeling sorry for yourself, which I did for about a month OR, you can learn to live again. Life doesn’t stop just because we are hurting. Go out and experience everything that life has to offer you. Every story has an end but in life every ending is a new beginning.
5. There is sex after divorce.
Yes, I have had sex since my divorce! Yes, it was better than BOB (my battery operated boyfriend)! And yes, I plan on having much, much more! Sex is a great way to relieve stress and anxiety, to pump up your self-esteem, it’s good exercise, and it’s so much fun! Have you ever heard that expression, “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else”? Tacky, but it’s not exactly false! Does it make you instantly get over your divorce? No, it doesn’t. But it does make you feel desirable and sexy, and after a divorce, who wouldn’t want to feel that way?
6. It’s OUR home now.
It’s our home…meaning my daughters and mine. Not his. No part of it is or ever will be his again. It’s very liberating to have the freedom to decorate in any way that you want and to do whatever you want without having to ask permission. You can buy pink throw pillows for the couch, eat off of purple plates, or host an all ladies poker party when your kids are with your ex. You can and should make your home into your own little cozy retreat.
7. I am brave.
When you are married, you feel safe. It’s your little world and nothing can burst your perfect little bubble. You might feel safer when you have a big, strong man there to fend off all the bad guys and shoot Bigfoot if he breaks into your house. Why is that? No offense to men, but why do we assume that a man can keep a home safer than a woman can? Want the truth? It’s a load of crap. I sleep with a gun by the bed, pretty sure that I can dial 911 faster than a man, and I’m handy with a baseball bat. So, I’m not afraid of being without a man to protect us because I can protect us just as well.
8. I know who my real friends are.
During and after a divorce, you quickly learn who your real friends are. There are the so-called “friends” that side with the ex and the real friends that stick by your side. This is a positive because it shows you who is really there for you, who you can count on, and who you never should’ve trusted in the first place. Delete them from your social media accounts and your life. You don’t need them! Stick with the people who make a positive influence on your life and genuinely care for you and your children.
9. I’m in control.
I’m the one in control now. In control of my life, my daughters’ lives, and the entire shebang! I choose what I do in my life, every single minute of every single day. I choose. I don’t have to ask permission to do the things I would like to do…I just do them. No one gets to talk down to me or treat me like crap again. NO ONE. And the feeling of having control over your life is wonderful. “FREEDOM” (imagine me shouting this like Mel Gibson does in ‘Braveheart’!)
10. Happiness makes a brighter future.
Once the tears stopped and the divorce fog started to clear, I could finally see the sunshine and blue skies ahead. I felt…happy! I seriously couldn’t even remember the last time that I felt actual happiness within myself.
My kids made me happy every day, but this was different. This was all me! Being happy opens your eyes to the future and what it could hold for you. The possibilities are endless! Well, I probably couldn’t drive up to NASA and join the astronaut program (I don’t look good in helmets), but my life is wide open to whatever kind of change comes my way.