The Divorce is final! I have the official paperwork in my hand as I stare at it like it was a dirty, disgusting rag I found in the trash. But this piece of paper has just changed my life in what seemed like a split second. But, in reality, my life started changing before this moment.
I walked to my car as my mind went over the months that led up to this day. I thought about all the fights that took place between my ex-husband and I, both verbal and physical. I thought about the emotional pain and sadness my mind, body and heart went through starting from the day he announced he wanted a divorce and then packed his suitcases and moved out. I went through all of the stages similar to the stages of someone who was grieving the loss of a loved one.
But I was grieving the loss of my marriage. I guess at this moment while sitting in my car, I was at the stage of depression, but dipping my toe into the water of acceptance with the help of this divorce decree.
Now to the present day 2015. I have been divorced for well over a year and I feel like I’m moving on with my life. I won’t lie and say everything is perfect and give you a fairytale ending. No, it’s not like that. But I will say time does heal some wounds and the deeper the cut, the longer the healing. Also, with time I’ve used other ways to help me get back my life and move past this bad breakup and I want to share 10 of what I think are the most helpful ways to get you back on track. I believe these tips have helped me and maybe helpful to you.
1. Get a new hobby or revisit an old one. Doing something you like in your spare time. Whether it is crafts, writing, sports activities or cooking, it will keep you busy so you won’t have time to think about the negative thoughts concerning that bad breakup.
2. Do some serious housecleaning. Now that the relationship is over there’s no need to keep those old shirts and jackets he left behind. As a matter of fact, why keep anything that reminds you of him in the house if he no longer lives there. This includes pictures, cards, letters (your engagement ring!) or anything that would tie him to the house and have you keep remembering him. Reminder: It’s over!
3. Get involved in an organization. This is a good time to become more involved in your church or any other group activity. Having positive people around you will help you not focus so much on the bad breakup you are trying to get over.
4. Start developing better, healthier relationships with family and friends. Now that you are single, you may have more time to focus on spending quality time with those relatives or friends you didn’t seem to have time for when you were married and you were spending time as a couple.
5. Talk to a therapist or life coach. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to an impartial third party who is trained to help you work through any issues you may have concerning your breakup.
6. Redecorate a room or section of your house for a change of scenery. Not only will this keep you busy, but redecorating or changing a room can give you a chance to start having a fresh, new change in your life.
7. Keep a journal. I know for me writing down my thoughts, feelings or just making notes of what happened that day is a way I like to release the pent up tension inside of me. I think it’s a better way to vent when I’m feeling mad or sad. It’s better than drinking or some other destructive behavior.
8. When you’re ready, start dating. Now I’m not saying to rush into dating so soon after the breakup. You should give yourself time to heal emotionally as well as physically. Once you feel comfortable you should get back into the dating pool. When you do start dating, make sure you are clear about what you expect and you don’t feel forced because you don’t want to be alone or you see couples and you want to be in that “club.” Do it because you want to have fun and enjoy the company of someone else.
9. Work on having a healthier lifestyle. Starting a new exercise routine and changing your eating habits can help you focus on becoming a new, healthier you. This can also keep you from thinking about the breakup.
10. Enjoying life by doing things YOU want to do. This is pretty much self-explanatory. Take that vacation you always wanted, buy those cute shoes you’ve been dreaming about, or meet your friends at your favorite restaurant. When you treat yourself well, you show others how to treat you.
I have used these tips and several others and they have helped me as I was and still am going through my divorce. While going through any bad breakup always remember you will get through it and your life will be better.