Next time someone tells you you’re an intimidating woman, thank them!
My son and I went to the Mall. He is about to enter college in the fall and, I think, is a bit concerned about leaving me alone…a single woman. Anyway, we were walking down the Mall and he looked at me and says, “Do you see all those men looking at you, you know why they don’t approach you because you’re intimidating.”
Although I didn’t want to shame him, I felt the need to school him. I said, in response, “A real man is not intimidated by a woman with brains, a woman who carries herself well and shows she knows her value. A real man values things in a woman like ambition, responsibility, and savviness. A real man isn’t just looking for a pretty face, he wants a woman who holds her head and standards high. So, if I’m intimidating to some men, I don’t care because I won’t be intimidating to the right man.”
Here’s why being an intimidating woman is a good thing:
You’re more likely to be taken seriously by others.
During my marriage, my ex discredited my opinions, as others also did because I was all sweet and accommodating. I didn’t show my strengths but instead chose to defer to others. Divorce taught me how strong I am and that intellectually I can hold my own.
Being intimidating means others who would normally discredit you will hear you out and take you seriously. An intimidating woman’s opinions matter, she isn’t dismissed as an airhead who is only there to look pretty. In relationships and careers, that’s a good thing.
You’ll find yourself making connections with other intimidating women.
Women respect women who can hold their own in life and career. I struggled to get my feet under me as far as my career after my divorce. I didn’t find the company I fit in until I began working for a company run by intimidating women who knew how to kick some ass. The women I’d been friends with before and during my divorce shied away from conflict and having an opinion.
They led tidy, little lives with husbands and children and didn’t want anyone rocking their boats. Needless to say, after my divorce I needed women who had faced adversity and come out the other end stronger to cultivate relationships with. I need friends who didn’t shy away from being “intimidating.”
And I can tell you, nothing is better than being a bad ass woman surrounded by other bad ass women.
You aren’t a magnet for the wrong type of men.
Guys who find you intimidating aren’t going to approach you in real life or online. A narcissist or player isn’t interested in a relationship with a woman who can’t be taken advantage of and won’t fall for their gaslighting and emotional abuse.
If a guy is intimidated by you he either isn’t going to act on his desire to get to know you or, he is going to end up doing something stupid that lets you know, he isn’t the guy for you. Like I’ve already said, the right man will find your strengths attractive, not intimidating.
Bottom line, when people can’t put you in a box, it scares them, so they label you as intimidating. Intimidating is a word used to describe women as being complex, outspoken and strong-willed. Intimidating can be many things, but for me, it means a woman has put herself out there and isn’t afraid to speak her mind. To be frank, the people that say women are ‘intimidating’ seem to be living a few decades in the past and need to catch up!