Doesn’t divorce kind of feel like the Wizard of Oz sometimes? Our world gets turned upside down and we find ourselves in the midst of the battle between good and bad while trying to protect our little Totos.
Divorce is confusing, draining and filled with self-doubt and anxiety. There are incredible sources of energy and power all around you and in you. Below are just a few that have given me so much strength through my divorce.
Your Kids and Family Is Your Greatest Source of Strength:
While divorcing parents absolutely freak out about the idea of sharing their children and not getting to be with them during all of their spare time, a deep reflection into what your “parenting time” actually was during the marriage may be surprising.
Whether working, avoiding the other parent or spending the majority of your family time cooking, cleaning, washing or preparing for the week, with the right parenting plan and time management all of your kid time can be focused only on you and your babies.
Whether coloring beautiful princesses with Anni or building Lego cars with Jack, the quality time I’ve had this year has confirmed that I made the right decision.
I am empowered knowing how much I love them and spending quality time showing them how much every chance I get.
For those without children, I offer this. Marriage often compromises the time we get to spend with our loved ones or turns family time into a total chaotic run around to please everyone kind of circus.
When you finally get to focus on what you want, it’s amazing what family time can offer. I brought back Thursday afternoon lunches with just my mom that are amazing quality time. I found a way to have my dad office share with me so I get to see him almost everyday.
No matter how your family has been restructured, find your support and love by connecting with those already in place to love and support you.
Staying in Touch With Your Spiritual Self:
Whether religiously fanatical or never believed in anything, at some point realizing that everything happens for a reason and what an illusion control is, there is so much energy, power and peace to experience.
Personally, I was raised Catholic, spent all but four years of my formal education in Catholic school and now working hard to raise my children Catholic in spite of the church’s position on divorce. To be able to go to mass every week – whether to say thanks or to ask for God’s grace has been an incredible source of power for me.
Staying Physically Healthy Promotes Emotional Health:
Whether you’ve always gone to the gym or don’t think you could possibly make time for physical fitness, find away to give yourself a good sweat, a nice steam and to force yourself into an environment of people committed to staying healthy and feeling good about themselves.
From the 30 minutes on the treadmill lost in the music of Enrique Iglesias or in the hour body pump class or the 20 minutes alone in the steam room I put myself in an environment to escape and feel good.
Many clubs today offer their own social scene from pool parties and happy hours to fitness challenges and club sports. You may find your gym is a great place to meet a new social circle you didn’t even realize you have.
The Future Holds Promise:
What’s done is done. Let it go and move on. Focus your time and energy on building the most incredible future for you and your family that you possibly can.
I see so many divorced people wrapped up in the wreck of the past – so blinded in anguish, fear and regret that they can’t think about the future at all.
Build a vision board! What will you look like next year? What are your income and career goals? Where will you live? Where might you travel with the kids or by yourself? Who and what is the new you?
This vision can bring focus and happiness in the challenge and prizes that are ahead. A vision board is an amazing way to let the past stay in the past while you build a powerful future with incredible energy and excitement.
Mothers and wives and women in general spend so much time trying to make everyone else happy or make sure our social calendar is full and that we are also being the good friend we so prize ourselves to be.
In your new single life, find time to be alone. Whether you need more sleep, your own dance party, a great book or dinner “party of one” in a fabulous restaurant, to learn to be good alone is not lonely at all.
I find so much energy and power in my time alone doing what I want, how I want and when I want. Now granted, there certainly is not a lot of this time, so making it quality can have amazing and powerful results.
If anything this list is meant to almost be the Wizard of Oz ending. The power and energy is always with you.