When I think about my friends, several come to mind. But as I was going through my divorce, a few friends stuck out more than others. This article will show you the few special friends that are really needed when you are going through or have gone through a time of change in your life, the lives of your family and everyone around you. You may have many friends but these are the ones that really helped me and I think could help anyone in this situation.
4 Friends Every Mom Needs Post-Divorce
1. The Good Listener: This is the friend you can call on any time of the day or night when you feel like letting off steam, getting something off your chest or you want to talk about stuff just to take your mind off of what you are going through. Now there’s a difference between a good listener and what I call the “One Better Friend”. This friend listens to what you have to say but she always has a situation going on that’s one better than yours.
For example, if you had a flat tire yesterday, then she had two flat tires this morning. Or, you tell her about an issue you had with a coworker last week, then she tells you about a situation between her and her boss that happened two days ago. Never mind that she was always having trouble when your car is acting up or the fact that she just started working from home and very rarely goes into the office. A good listener not only lets you talk but really hears what you have to say and knows when to give advice or just be a sounding board.
2. The “Let’s Get Out and Do Something” Friend: This is your very active, always involved in some project or activity friend. You don’t know where she gets the energy. You get winded just picking out clothes for you and your kids to wear for the day. This friend is good to have because she can get you motivated and involved in doing things so that you don’t have time or energy to think about while going through a divorce but you need, at that time, more than any other, a friend who can get you motivated and out of your own head.
I’m not saying you won’t think about what you are or have gone through, but when you need a distraction you can call on this friend. I’m sure she knows about the latest family-oriented exercise, painting, trampoline, face-painting, after work get together, energy filled event going on over the weekend.
3. The “I’ve Been There” Friend: This friend has already been through the trenches, wallowed in the mud, dodged the bullets and come out on the other side. She knows what you have been through and are still going through. She can be a wealth of knowledge to help you and your kids through this part of your lives. But, make sure this friend can give you a positive outlook on your situation.
Don’t be sucked into the black hole of the “bitter divorcee” who has nothing but negative advice and hasn’t let go of the issues from her own divorce. Just be careful of whose advice you seek. Look for the friend that has both the positive words to help you through these times and is also living her life as a positive example of what she has been through.
Stay clear of the friend who has become angry, negative and bitter towards her ex and anyone she thinks caused her to end up in the life she now lives. This woman needs to work on her issues before trying to help you through your situation.
4. The “Next Chapter in Your Life” Friend: This friend could be a mix of the other three types. But this friend wants to play an active role in helping you move on to the next chapter in your life. Ok, you’ve been through the good, the bad and the ugly of divorce. You and your kids have the battle scars (some seen, some unseen), now this friend wants to help you get up, brush off the dirt and start looking towards the future. She watched you and was there with you through your lying around in ugly but comfortable sweatpants days while eating stuff you would never think about eating but could because no one was there to say “should you be eating that?” This friend is here to say, “OK enough of this. Now you need to work on what’s next.” She will help you get off that sofa, out of those sweatpants and start focusing on you.
This is not being selfish because if you are not 100% OK how can you be the mom, daughter, sister, friend or future wife that people are counting on you to be. This friend is the best but she has the most work to do. First, she must help you rebuild and work on your inner self. What makes you happy and fulfilled, what are the things you always wanted to do but never started. Next is helping with your outer self. Get that haircut and color you always wanted to try.
Start a new exercise routine, try on some outfits you always wanted to wear(as long as it compliments you). Remember dress for you, not like your sixteen-year-old daughter. Next get out and meet new people. Go out and do the things you want to do. No one is holding you back but you.This friend will help you through each and every step and support you all the way.
Remember, when you need a friend, these are the ones you will need.
Tanya McDaniel says
After reading this article, all I can say is: a friend in need, is a friend in deed!