If you choose to take your time alone as an opportunity to feel lonely then you can expect to feel that way and to fear all the things that come along with that perception: lots if comparing, trying to keep up with the Joneses, feelings of emptiness, etc.; all factors that play a role in decreased self-esteem and confidence. Your perception of the time you spend with yourself has a strong influence on how you will treat yourself when you do go back into the world of chaos and distractions. And, the way you treat yourself when you are both alone and in the day-to-day routine influences how other people will treat you in most capacities, to begin with. Our respect for others truly does start with the way that we treat ourselves, specifically the way we treat ourselves in the moments alone when we are not putting on a front for the world.
Here are 4 tips to remember as you try to keep a positive attitude about being alone:
1. Taking time to be alone with yourself does not mean you will be alone forever.
Oh yes. That black and white all-or-nothing thinking, again. It can destroy fulfillment and make our perceptions negative. Taking alone time daily or weekly to get to know yourself, explore your desires and relax or meditate does not mean that you will be alone forever. It means that you have found comfort in yourself and are confident in your own presence. This confidence and self-awareness will also attract the person for you and eventually compliment you. The more you are confident with yourself the less you will find yourself dependent on outside sources.
2. Taking time alone with yourself banks you extra energy.
When you take alone time to sit back and quietly reflect on your successes and what you are grateful for, you are gaining mental and physical momentum for the rest of the day or week. As you take a moment and talk nicely to yourself, you suddenly reset your mind from chaos to relaxation. Your mind is not on the defense with itself or the world. You have taken a moment to highlight all the hard work you put into life, family, and work. As you talk nicely to yourself, your mind strengthens its confidence and level of positivity. As you sit back and take some alone time, you also begin to switch the body off from chaos, where it expends high levels of energy, to calmness mode. When you make your mind and body happy, it reserves energy for you to take with you as you go back and combat the daily routine.
3. During alone time, check all Guilt at the door.
Often, people find themselves guilty for taking alone time. Perhaps we are not afraid to be alone, but rather afraid of the feelings of guilt that come upon us when we are not busy. If you want to enjoy alone time, set aside guilt and don’t let it invade your alone space. Leaving guilt out of your happy space is easier said than done, I know. In that case, reflect on what alone time can do not only for you but for those you love. Alone time has the ability to decrease stress and make you more grateful for the things you currently have. Alone time helps you to bank energy and bring about feelings of happiness. These are all factors that will make you a better spouse, parent, friend or co-worker. Take that, Guilt.
4. When you are alone, fight through the habit of being busy, chaotic or overwhelmed.
Uh- there is nothing worse than finally getting alone time and then thinking about, and perhaps doing, everything on your checklist. Alone time is a special moment with yourself. Yes, if the home is empty, and you want to do some laundry or putz around and think, you can. But, just be sure that more times than not, you also set aside the chaos of the big and small tasks so that you can focus only on you. When you take time to clean or complete work as your designated “you” time, alone time is boring and stressful. But, if you fight through the need to be busy and focus only on you and relaxing the body, there will be a new found love for being alone with yourself. Can you imagine the excitement of the mind and body as you focus only on you for a duration of time in a positive way? Your mind just may begin to think, “hmmmm, loneliness never felt so good.”
Your perception of what occurs when you are alone with yourself is your choice and ultimately influences your self-esteem, confidence and the level of respect your give yourself and that is given to you. Change your perceptions, change your life.