If you have hate and disdain for your spouse and find everything about him or her repulsive, this would be a clear-cut sign that you are not just falling apart, you are broken to the point of no return.
Chances are when your marriage is coming to an end, and things begin falling apart, you are aware of it long before anyone else can see the frayed edges. Have you ever seen the darkly twisted movie, American Beauty? From the outside, their lives appear to have it all, but darkness lurks beneath. You never know what is going on in other people’s homes and minds.
What seems perfectly stable on the outside may not be so on the inside. Sometimes, you may think you’re in a perfectly happy relationship when in truth; you may be headed toward a turbulent future where things begin to fall apart.
When you’re floating on the high of a happy relationship, it’s easy to overlook all the little nagging issues that crop up now and then, but before long, it’s the little things that’ll create bigger problems as they snowball over time.
Does every situation evolve into a fight?
Have you and your spouse lost the ability to compromise?
Have you lost trust and respect?
Not having sex much or at all?
Constant arguments, affairs or unhappiness may be the big signs of a bad relationship. But these big signs don’t just crop up out of thin air. Plus, it’s the secret signs, those subtle hints that can seem harmless at first, that make way for the bigger problems to seep in. Let’s begin with the seemingly innocuous to the malignant.
1. Taking each other for granted.
According to marriage experts, couples start taking each other for granted three and a half years into their marriage. Once the honeymoon period is over, many couples often let bad habits take over, and forget to go the extra mile to make each other happy.
Spending time with friends takes on a renewed interest, less kissing, cuddling, and hand holding, less spontaneous gifts giving, slacking on chores, dressing down more often than not, and less sweet phones calls just to say hello. These are some of the most common signs of a relationship failing. I’m sure all of us have, at one time or another, taken our partners for granted.
We all know that it’s the little things that make a big difference, so adding a bit of quality time, like re-introducing date nights or enjoying a meal in together, could be a good way to show you care. Also, when together try keeping your cell phones elsewhere to help keep you both present and attentive toward each other. We all want to keep the romance alive, and it is in our own power to do so. If keeping your relationship alive is important to you, try to remember the little things you once did for each other.
2. Avoiding conflict and avoiding resolutions.
Sometimes, it’s easier to overlook a few differences rather than pick a fight over it. But if something bothers you, don’t avoid talking about it with your partner. If you find yourself grumbling or eye rolling to yourself about something, be it the dirty sink or the clothes lying around, but you still avoid talking about it to your partner, it’ll do more damage than good. The rage and resentment that accumulates inside you would start to distance you from your partner, and unfairly, your partner would have no idea as to what’s bothering you.
3. You’re always arguing.
In a relationship, a certain amount of arguing is normal. Arguing all the time is NOT normal. If you’re always in a state of conflict, that’s NOT a healthy way of relating to another person, especially someone you live with. If the arguments start increasing in frequency and you cannot reach a middle ground, then you are clearly on a path of falling apart.
4. Checking up on each other.
When trust and respect start to wane in one area, it can become open game in all others. This is usually when a spouse will begin to spy on their spouse. It may start with checking his or her email that was left open on the computer. Then progress to their cell phone calls and text messages, social media, suit jackets, pant pockets, pocketbooks, and on and on. All this does is deepen the fragility of the relationship. If you want to know something, just ask. You may not get an honest answer, but at least you are not stooping to snooping. Blanket trust is essential in relationships and if you do not trust your spouse, that doesn’t give you a right to snoop, it is usually a signal that help is needed in the relationship.
5. Sex, or lack thereof.
One recurrent theme you will likely read about from many divorced couples is how they became nothing more than roommates over time. Sex was either an occasional thing or nonexistent for years. Both of those scenarios do not bode well for the longevity of a marriage since sexless marriages tend to disintegrate any chance for love to continue.
Relationships can be difficult, and oftentimes we just want to give up because we are too exhausted to continue. If you have children, it’s worth the fight to save your failing marriage, but if you have hate and disdain for your spouse, and find everything about him or her repulsive, this would be a clear-cut sign that you are not just falling apart, you are broken to the point of no return.