Everything that the parents say or do has a direct effect on a child’s psyche.
Apart from that, every word and deed from either of the parents can have lasting bearings on their case for child custody. They should know the court will evaluate their behavior holistically throughout the proceedings, and hence, they need to watch everything they do and utter.
If, by reading the title of this post, you thought that I’m going to give you a magical mantra to win your custody battle, then you couldn’t be more wrong. The truth is, fighting for custody takes knowledge of the legalities involved and a lot of common sense.
Custody and Visitation
Novices tend to get confused between the terms ‘custody’ and ‘placement.’ It is important to get the basic difference between the two correct to know exactly what you’re in for.
Custody entails the right to make decisions on the child’s behalf on matters related to health, education, and finance.
Placement, or visitation, is more about deciding where the children will live and when they are and are not scheduled to be there. This, however, will be based on the judge’s verdict, depending on who he deems to be a better parent to the child.
Ultimately, it is the judge who decides about who will be principally responsible for the child’s health, education and finances, and with who the child will primarily reside. This decision is arrived upon after the judge hears from professionals and other sources that may be familiar with the parents and the child.
As far as the professionals are concerned, the first among them (as per the state law) is the guardian ad litem (who may be a lawyer), or the custody evaluator (who may be a psychologist). The court appoints one of these professionals to look into the specific points put forward by both the parties. They’re then required to make a recommendation to the judge by keeping the best interest of the child in mind.
For children born out of a wedlock, both the parent have equal rights to full custody, until the family court issues an order setting custody. Typically, it is the mother of the child who has custody until the family court rules otherwise. An actively involved father stands as much a chance to get custody as the mother after the court ruling.
But what happens when, despite your active involvement in your child’s life, you find yourself facing an antagonistic custody battle?
Here are a few aspects every mother expecting to go into a custody battle should consider before she makes her way into the courtroom.
1. Put up a tough fight from the very beginning
Spending quality time with your kids is important and you definitely want to do that in order to stay connected to them. The court needs to know that you’re leaving no stone unturned in your effort to be a big part of your child’s life. Hence, you will have to put up a tough fight from the word go.
Be clear about your goals and pursue them relentlessly. Whether you’re looking for primary residential custody and want your child to live with you, or simply want a visitation schedule that allows you to spend ample/equal time with him, go after it from the start of your case.
Figure out ways to show the court that you understand your child’s routine, needs and habits. Tell them why the schedule you’re proposing is ideal, realistic and in the best interest of the child.
Avoid settling for a miniscule schedule even temporarily with the hope to fight for more later, as that will be akin to making an uphill climb.
2. Engage the right attorney
It is advised that you engage an attorney who understands your reasons for winning the custody of your kids and helps you put forward your case strongly. Consider hiring an attorney from around your area i.e. if you’re a resident of Chicago, pick a child custody lawyer in Chicago as such a lawyer will have specialized in fighting such cases and would be well-versed with the laws governing your state.
Consult with him, ask him about other such cases he may have handled in the past and how he plans to help you reach your end goal. In other words, find a lawyer who will fight to secure your goals from the start.
3. Avoid demonizing the father
Do not forget the fact that the case is about determining what is best for your children instead of trying to prove what a failure of a person their father may be. Demonizing the other party may backfire and you might end up losing credibility entirely. This may result in them winning the custody.
Additionally, do not attempt to demean or vilify your ex-husband in front of your kids. Doing so may affect their perception of marriage adversely, and further sour your relationship with your ex.
You will do well to keep your thoughts to yourself. Your children will eventually establish a relationship with their father, for better or for worse through their own understanding. Moreover, mudslinging will only present you as the unhealthy, negative parent.
4. Do not oppose visitation
Do not stop your ex from visiting the kids; they’re his children too, after all. Of course, in an unfortunate case, if you happen to witness physical injuries or signs of sexual abuse on them, withhold the visitation immediately by consulting an attorney citing an emergency.
Do not bring this up in the court on your own as even with such factors coming into play, mothers can be accused of making false allegations. Heed legal advice.
5. Keep the peace
Never lose sight of the bigger picture. Don’t forget that once the custody proceedings are done with, you and your ex will be co-parenting your child. You don’t want him to have even an iota of negativity around him as that can go on to set a toxic example for his long-term relationships in the future.
Try to be adjusting and reasonable and make the effort to get along with your ex as much as you can. Think about the long-term positive effects of doing so on your child.
Conclusion
It goes without saying that divorce and everything it entails is an extremely difficult and a trying experience to go through. More often than not, everyone involved gets hurt on one pretext or another. Such difficult times can cause a person to act on emotion, which may not always be a rational thing to do. It can get extremely frustrating for an involved mother to be embroiled in a court battle just to be able to spend time with her children. However, the above tips should go a long way in helping you stay calm and composed, and tackle the situation head-on.
FAQs About Things To Consider While Fighting For Custody:
Do courts consider parents’ behaviors in a custody case?
Courts do consider how you behave and what you say in a custody case throughout the proceedings. Courts will also look at how your behavior has been in the past—as a parent and a person—before they pass an order either in your or your soon-to-be ex’s favor.
What is the difference between custody and placement?
Custody means that you will have the right to make important decisions for your child in matters relating to health, education, and finances. Placement or visitation relates more to where a child may live and when they are and are not scheduled to be there.
How does a judge decide about the place of residence of my child?
A judge will decide about the place of residence of your child after determining his ties with that place and listening to professionals and others familiar with the child and his parents.
What does a guardian ad litem do?
A guardian ad litem or the custody evaluator has the power to make recommendations to a judge about what he or she considers the best interest of a child. A guardian ad litem, who may be a lawyer or a psychologist, is appointed by the court after parents raise contentious issues about the custody of a child.
Which parent has the right to full custody in a custody case?
Both the parents have equal right to have full custody of a child unless a judge rules otherwise. A parent may not be entitled to full custody or any custody if he has a criminal record, a driving under the influence of alcohol charge, proven personality disorder, etc.
Do courts give fathers full custody in custody cases?
According to the law, an actively involved father is entitled to full custody as the mother of a child. However, a court weighs all the factors before deciding whether or not a father is entitled to full custody.
How do I make sure that I get custody of my child?
If you want custody of your child, you would need to do everything right in contesting the custody case—starting from hiring an experienced lawyer to demonstrating to the court that you have an exemplary relationship with your child.
How important is a good attorney in your custody battle?
A good attorney is very important for your custody case, especially if the other parent wants to deny you custody. Consider hiring an experienced family law attorney from your area because he will be better aware of the court procedure and behavior than a lawyer based outside your state or county.
How do I deal with my ex in a custody fight?
Be more concerned about what is best for your children instead of painting your ex in a negative light—unworthy of parenting. Launching a smear campaign against your ex may backfire and have negative consequences for your custody case.
Should I stop my ex from visiting children?
You should not try to stop your ex from visiting your children without any substantial reason. Remember, the other parent is as important for your children’s welfare as you. You should immediately consult your attorney and stop your ex from seeing your children if you witness any signs of abuse.
(Image courtesy of https://www.pinterest.com/pin/233624299396717352/)
Related Articles:
- My Custody Arrangement – Is It Really In The Best Interests Of My Children?
- Nesting: When The Kids Stay And You Come And Go
- 5 Options When Your Ex Repeatedly Violates Your Custody Agreement
- How To Safely Advocate For Your Child During A Custody Battle
“Never lose sight of the bigger picture. Don’t forget that once the custody proceedings are done with, you and your ex will be co-parenting your child. You don’t want him to have even an iota of negativity around him as that can go on to set a toxic example for his long-term relationships in the future.”
There is a huge problem with this assertion: custody cases are *never* closed when there is a child for the Court to maintain jurisdiction over. The custody proceedings are never done with until there is no longer a child at the center of them; when the proceedings are done, there is no co-parenting of a child because there is no child any more.
To paraphrase an old movie, litigating custody is a strange game: the only way to win is not to play.
Sure child custody cases are closed. A child custody case is closed once a judge rules on custody or, the parents come to an agreement on custody. Are you saying that fighting over child custody continues until the child ages out of the family court system? I’m creeped out by your, “there is no child anymore” statement. Unless someone disposes of their child by giving up their parental rights or, murdering that child, the child will always be their child. I am my parents child until the day they die, just as my children are mine until the day I die. In the case of divorce, child custody HAS to be litigated. It doesn’t have to be fought over but, there does have to be legal stipulation as to the child’s custody.
Sorry about the long delay, I just noticed your response/comment.
“Are you saying that fighting over child custody continues until the child ages out of the family court system?”
Yes, that is exactly right. Custody litigation continues until either the child ages out of the system, or at least one parent is completely bankrupt (but can often continue even then).
Custody is “infinitely reviewable.” It doesn’t matter a bit how many times you have been to court and how many rulings the Judge has made previously; both parties are free to return to court for a new ruling over anything at all that they do not come to agreement on. The cases never close when there is still someone at the center who is not a legal adult.
No, custody does NOT have to be litigated. There is absolutely no requirement to go to court, and in fact even the “legal stipulation” you assert as necessary is not required. Lawsuits are never required, civil or criminal. There is always a decision to turn matters over to the court system.
And the natural consequence of litigation is almost always to transform parents, who *should* be cooperating and otherwise *might* have been willing and able to cooperate, into lifelong bitter opposing parties.
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I find it interesting when you said that mothers should be clear whether they want to spend ample or equal time with their children from the start of the divorce filing. Learning about this convinced me to recommend a local law service for my uncle and aunt tomorrow. With their help, they can equally split part of each other’s wealth to keep their children safe until they have their own jobs.