I was guilty of every single one of these things. Instead of owning my feelings, showing him a shred of respect, and communicating with him, I made my ex-husband feel more like a child than a man, I emasculated him. We were still incompatible as a couple, but maybe if I’d communicated with him, our parting would have been more amicable.
If you’re anything like me, you may have been raised with the idea of being an independent woman, never needing a man for anything. We are women. Hear us roar. Right?
There’s nothing wrong with being able to stand on your own two feet, provide for yourself, take care of your family, and be an independent woman. The women who came before us fought long and hard to give us that option in life. And plenty of women are still fighting for it to this day.
But, when you’re in a relationship, it’s a partnership. Equal share, equal responsibility, and on a good day, equal benefits. Sometimes you’ll give more than you receive, and if you’ve got a good partner, he’ll have days when he does the same for you.
The ‘I don’t need a man’ attitude can easily backfire. A good, solid relationship is built on mutual respect and open, honest communication. When we fail to remember that, we emasculate the men in our lives. It’s okay to get angry. It’s not okay to make your partner feel small, unworthy, or emasculated.
Below are 5 Ways in Which Some Women Emasculate Men
1. Pointing out his flaws: I get it. We’re trying to help them become better people and improve themselves. Sometimes, their flaws drive us bat-crap crazy, and we feel compelled to tell them so. I’ve been there, done that, got the divorce papers to prove it. Here’s the deal. As women, we’re painfully aware of many of our perceived flaws – the billions of dollars made by the beauty and health industry is living proof of that. Now imagine that instead of a commercial making you feel fat, ugly, or stupid, it was the person who was supposed to love you forever? That’s not good for anyone’s ego.
2. Badmouthing him to friends: I was a long-standing member of the husband bashing club. He didn’t do this right; he didn’t do that right. He didn’t earn enough money. He was lazy. Part of it was a way to gain support and a sense of camaraderie with other wives. I also needed to let off steam about my own frustrations. If I’d ever heard him bad mouth me to his friends, I would have been livid. The bottom line, though, is that if I demand respect from my partner, I should be willing to show that same respect as well. By taking my complaints to friends – or random people on social media, I was disrespecting him and our marriage.
3. Checking out in the bedroom: I am 100 percent guilty of this one. I can’t imagine how it must feel to find yourself in the throes of passion, look down, and see your wife staring off into space. I may or may not have yawned a time or two. Hard to feel like a stallion in the bedroom if your partner would much rather read a book. How could I have fixed this one? By owning the fact that I didn’t want to have sex with him and then actually talk to him about the problems. Instead, I made him feel unwanted, undesirable and like less of a man.
4. Undermining him: Show of hands. How many times did you ask your partner to do something – clean, make the bed, cook dinner, or get the kids dressed, and then sigh in disgust when you saw him doing it “wrong?” Which was only code for “not your way?” If you told him, “Never mind, I’ll just do it myself” and yanked the task away, you were undermining him. It’s hard for anyone to feel like a full-share partner when they’re not “allowed” to do help in the tasks of your own marriage. Treating him like a child you’ve lost your patience with means you aren’t treating him like a man.
5. Shaming him in public: Let me hang my head in shame over this one. Twelve years together, and I can’t remember how many times we fought in front of others – at Christmas with my family, in the mall in front of strangers. It makes me cringe just thinking about it. Yes, you might come across as a “shrew” in these battles, but a man has even fewer options. He can’t get too loud or aggressive, or he’s labeled an abuser. He can’t walk away or he’s backing down from a fight. If he sits there and takes it, he’s “whipped.” No matter what he does, he’s lost and in the eyes of others and himself, less of a man.
Very few of us would intentionally emasculate our partners. I was guilty of every single one of these things. Instead of owning my feelings, showing him a shred of respect, and communicating with him, I made my ex-husband feel more like a child than a man. We were still incompatible as a couple, but maybe if I’d communicated with him, our parting would have been more amicable.
These days, I’m in a loving relationship with a man who wouldn’t tolerate this behavior from me. Best of all, I won’t tolerate it in myself. We can all change our behaviors; we can all do things differently. If you see yourself in any of these scenarios, it may be time to take a long, hard look at yourself and how you treat the man in your life.
FAQs about Relationships:
How does a partnership work in a relationship?
Relationship between a couple means partnership. And in partnership both partners carry equal responsibility in dealing with challenges. It also means drawing equal benefits when they are available. At times you would have to shoulder more than your share of responsibility and vice-versa.
Will pointing out his flaws emasculate him?
Keep on pointing out his flaws, and you will find him going crazy. It’s a sure recipe to emasculate him. Remember, the purpose here is to make him act or behave better for the sake of a better relationship. Communication without too much emphasis on his flaws will do the trick.
Is badmouthing my husband tantamount to emasculation?
Rule of the thumb, you would have to give respect to get respect. Badmouthing your husband in front of friends and family will surely emasculate him. If you are in the habit of complaining that your husband did not do this or do that, did not earn enough money or behave in a particular way, you’re surely emasculating him by showing disrespect.
Will my lack of interest in sex emasculate my husband?
One of the sure ways to emasculate your husband is to show lack of interest in sex. How would one feel if one finds himself rejected after making a move? Your husband would definitely feel clueless, undesirable and unwanted.
Will shaming my husband in public emasculate him?
You will not only emasculate him but also lose respect in the eyes of others if you fight or have arguments with him in public. You will put him in an awkward situation, where he can’t walk away for he would be seen as a coward or be aggressive for he would be considered an abuser.
What can I do to stop emasculating my husband?
If you want to stop emasculating your husband, you should try changing your behavior and the way you communicate. You have an amazing power to change your behavior, do things differently and say things politely. Listen, understand and communicate.
Thank you for this. I’m still married by a thread and I do a lot of these things probably all. I hope I can change like you have. It was nearly too late earlier on today. Horrible living through this. I just want him to be happy I don’t want to emasculate him. 🙁
you have no right emasculation a man.
Very important to change direction after realizing this propensity to emasculate. Humiliate might be a better word. But, by the same token, men get into bad patterns of accepting it and playing the martyr. The best part about owning the behavior is now you can move on. In other articles, I see comments like “You may not even realize you are emasculating him”, Of course you realize it. And you like it. You get a deep carnal satisfaction out of it. But then, you ruin your marriage and continually end up alone and miserable, until it is fixed. I like this article because the author fixes it. And she is finally at peace. The world teaches women to hate their men. Men run the other way and you are alone. Do the Math…..
Thank you for the article, I was guilty of those behaviors and prolonged scenes of me scolding him when he does something wrong, and criticizing him in bed and making him feel that there is something wrong with him..he at the end tried to talk to another girl to get some validation and confirmation..luckily i found out and he told me how much i have emasculated him and that he is still sorry, and loves me but i need to stop that behavior. He gave me another chance because we have a love story of 4 years, i ak still young 27 years old, he is 31..and i hate being that bad wife. I am slowly trying to restrain from those behaviors and help our relationship. But yes, i read that when a man feels emasculated he either shuts down and drifts away fearing you. Or he does anything to rebel against it and make himself feel manly again (thus what happened) . Take care if he is a good man dont push him away
I am and not in a wheel chair but for the most part a disabled man. I do have a old old violent felony as well, and after losing my job not long after we were married I never did get a good job. I tried too, and did take a type of job I thought I was long past when I got hired at before mentioned lost job. I worked at it for two years but my back and other issues made me finally not go back. Since then have been trying to get disability, but have been very unsuccessful even though my conditions get worse. My wife was what I’d call someone who may should of never got married for she is so independent and lived that way long before i came along. although she did live with her mom for over 40 years except for some time in school and one other time, but for the most part lived with her mom. She i would say should of been a spinster? Even as we got together she must have been per-menopausal for she’d never had her own kids only took care of her nieces when her brother pretty much gave her mother custody of. But when we first got together she was hot for me but not long after marriage and finding out we would never have kids on our own she mainly shut off our sex life. Once a month and I was lucky at first then maybe once a year or even less. Last year was the firs time in 9 years of actually trying to have sex. Since then nothing again. I get it I haven’t been able to be a wage earner for a long time, but shouldn’t she get it and not judge me on this? Meaning as stated I am disabled in more than one way with a felon and physically good jobs wont hire me. Too I’ve lost lots of my hearing and deaf almost and now have stage 4 kidney cancer. Am I wrong in thinking that she should get this and not Judge me now?
I’ve had to fight social Security now for at least 7 years and again have a lawyer but don’t expect to be successful this time either. Four times they have screwed me. It’s hopeless for me it seems. We even went to a bigger city out of state for me to apply to call center work which is what i had before when I lost that job. But they didn’t hire me either. If I could work at least doing something I can with all my disabilities I might but again no one hires me. so Social security disability is my only option. SSI isn’t an option either for she makes too much money already tried and only got one time payment of $58 bucks. She doesn’t seem to get it and keeps judging me and or making me feel as if she’s doing it all alone. Of course money wise yes, but not spiritually. As mentioned I have stage 4 kidney cancer and have undergone two major surgeries and it seem only then does she respond to with any true affection.
NO I am not a wuss as modern people call it or secular people would say. I am was gung-ho when we first got married, and to my best am still. I am still pretty much the mountain man that I was when we got married just since losing that job and not being able to gain a good job again have lost some of my confidence. Not being able to be the bread winner or at least able to help out in bills takes its toll on me mentally. I do try and do some of the chores while at home while she works but as I said my petty much constant pain doesn’t allow me to as often as I know she would like. But I do try.
I’m not just a lazy person who sits around all day doing nothing so yeah not a wuss or all that pussy whipped, I fear losing her because of my job and or disability situation so I haven’t done like other men would do which is cheat on her. which I’ve seriously thought on.
People say be the change you want to see in your spouse but how can I with my limited situation. My dad also never showed me anything other than being Drunk and or to hit me or my mom so….?
We do tell each other we love each other she says it first most of the time so believe she does, but… with all the other not sure sometimes. No! I am pretty sure she hasn’t cheated on me either. Were both now in our 50’s, and I know she hurts as well. Her feet legs etc… She does have diabetes and were both Obese. Although I did lost weight because of my cancer, but gaining it back now. I could divorce her but now I am dependent on her ins for my cancer meds.
But at the same time not sure what the hell to do. Cheat? which she has said if I did she would leave no questions asked. Tell her but I have or tried to several times but it just gets her defensive.
As stated she doesn’t seem to get it, for if she did she wouldn’t do the things she does.
Not sure what to think was I just a sperm Donner because she wanted to have kids, was she molested as a kid she’s mysterious as to her childhood. Too fricking independent, and never really learned to love a man. Which she did confess to me once she didn’t know how to be a wife so… So makes me wonder what kind of wife her mom was? She did blame me for her moms death. She pretty much told me that she regretted marrying me for her mom would still be alive. Most answers never seem to fit our situation they only give secular ones or if biblical they say I’m to treat her as the weaker vessel but she’s not one and doesn’t really allow me to neither. she will say I can do it etc… So again kind of screwed when i do try and man up as they say…
Mainly just airing out some but would like to know wtf i did wrong or did I? and its just her or what?
I hope that things have improved for you.
“Man, Oh Manischewitz!” Has this article go MY number! Closing out on marriage #3 and going to call it quits and start learning to just “do me.” This tattooed sign of “Into Emasculation” won’t come off! The last experience was the most surprising because she is such a sweet, soft-spoken person. But somehow very sweetly and gently let me know that NOTHING I was doing was measuring up to her standards. Being a “communicator” doesn’t help when the other would rather communicate with their gender or others in general for sympathy and not solutions. Good points.
Wives being fat is also emasculating