A comic stands up in a nightclub and asks, “Do you know why more women file for divorce more than men? Because MURDER is illegal and Women know this!” Ha, Ha, Ha! Silly, but it’s true!
Although the giving and caring nature of women can seem infinite, we do have our limits. When we finally make up our minds that we are done, we mean, “WE ARE DONE!” Women are strong and often tolerate more than we should, but once pushed beyond our limits, we eventually find our courage. Hopefully, this comes without murder.
The truth is that the trend of women filing for divorce more often than men is related to socio-economic trends, changes in divorce law and some basic gender differences.
1. Education and Careers:
Women are better educated and more career-oriented than ever before. These trends have increased steadily since WW II when women first entered the workforce in a large way. The US Census Bureau reported that “More Working Women Than Men Have College Degrees.”
Because of the educational and career trends noted above, women are more empowered to leave marriages that make them miserable. The shifts in educational and career status have liberated them. Women have become more independent and financially secure in their own right. Regardless of their individual reasons that make them ultimately want to leave their marriage, empowerment is the reason they are able to leave.
3. Social Stigma:
As divorce rates have increased, the social stigma attached to “Divorce” has decreased. Or is it that, “because the Stigma has decreased, divorce rates have increased?” Either way, it’s a fact that both have changed substantially over the last 50 years.
The creation of “No-Fault” divorce not only changed the way that we legally handle divorce but how we view it socially as well. With no-fault divorce, women didn’t have to be a victim of abuse, abandonment, or infidelity to seek a divorce. Until the changes in divorce law, there was a stigma attached to being divorced, as if you were to blame. Since the advent of the “No-Fault Divorce”, our attitudes have changed as a society.
The stigma we face now is more in our own heads. We feel the stigma of failure. Let’s face it, unless you were leaving a dangerous situation, it’s hard to walk away and not feel that we failed.
4. Women Leadership:
This isn’t exactly what it sounds like… but, divorce has impacted even powerful, successful women in our society. We all know women in our workplace or community that have divorced. We have seen that in spite of all the emotional trauma and financial headaches that go along with divorce, these successful women have lived through it. Through their example, we know that we can survive it too. We have hope. Divorce does not have to be a life sentence of loneliness or depression. Perhaps after a little while, we might not only survive, we just might thrive.
5. Gender roles:
Gender roles also play a big part in men not leaving the marriage. Since women tend to do more shopping, cooking, and cleaning than men do, men have a greater lifestyle change if they leave the marriage. Men are not as motivated to leave the marriage even if they have strayed outside their marriage. This is partly about being able to “have their cake and eat it too” and partly because they are more complacent. They just won’t leave unless they are forced to.
Remember the movie, “When Harry Met Sally”? For part of the movie, Carrie Fisher’s character, Marie, is involved with a married man. In several scenes, she is talking to her girlfriends and feeling that she is wasting her time. At one point, she tells her friend Sally (Meg Ryan),”He just spent $120 on a new nightgown for his wife. He’s never going to leave her.” Sally tells her, “No one thinks he is ever going to leave her.” Marie says,”You’re right, I know you’re right.” When Harry Met Sally Quotes
6. Men and their kids:
Men are also more reluctant to leave the marriage in cases where children are present. Traditionally, women have maintained custody of the children and the fathers then become subject to visitation agreements. I think that many men are reluctant to leave due to fear of losing their connection with their children. Of the many couples that I have known that have divorced, I can say that I have only known a few families where the men felt as if they were still as connected to their kids post-divorce. However, this may change over time as shared custody agreements are becoming more common.
There are other reasons that men don’t file- more likely related to financial matters. Or better the she-devil you know, than the one you don’t.
Women, on the other hand, motivated by their emotions are more resolved to file for divorce once they have reached their limits. We know we can take care of ourselves and the kids. We are more empowered than ever before to get through this tough time.
I will say, that in spite of the trending reasons that allow women to file…women survive the process in a big part due to the support and love of their girlfriends. Thank you, ladies!
More From DivorcedMoms:
Getting a Divorce: 10 Key Things You Should Know
10 Financial and Legal Things To Consider Before Filing For Divorce
Jenny D says
I think that the financial certainty with the divorce laws and the access to the information is a big help for women. We typically get custody of the kids, the child support is automatic calculation (I know that some have difficultuy actually collecting), and if there is a true need and the ablity to pay, alimony is there too. It’s a far cry from the old days where it was all negotiated and only the people in the legal professsion know what the deal is.
I think #6 is a big one for dad’s today. My first husband was unwilling to let me go mostly becuase of the kids. He knew that I didn’t love him or want to be married anymore. He just didn’t want to go from being an involved parent to a “visitor” as he put it. When I agreed to share custody and parenting time equally, he acquiesced.
I know there are some where the dad ran at the first opportunity, but when I look back at the guys I dated after my divorce, with the exception of the couple who had shared custody, I think almost all of them resented their custody situation. Even when they thought the kids were better off spending most of their time with mom, they resented that it resulted in them being marginialized. I know that it’s a sore spot for my second husband, and he has his son about 1/3 of the time, which is better than most dads get. It was the best he could do, but he certainly could handle his son 100% of the time and frankly (I’m a bit biased), he’s a much better parent than his ex wife is.
Nancy Lay-King says
An interesting fact along with women more likely to file for divorce is even when women choose to end the marriage, it takes them longer to feel “better” or move-on emotionally than men. I personally found this to be true. My understanding is that while women will experience all of the grief fully, men will jump into new relationships faster and use other means to not experience the pain of divorce.
I have to disagree. Women can compartmentalize emotions much easier than men. Statistics for Male suicide after divorce jumps dramatically. Men have a much more difficult time of moving on. It takes men longer to start dating than women. As was stated earlier it is the wife by a huge margin, pulling the trigger to end the marriage. Marriage is difficult because it is made up of two imperfect parts. Perfection is not possible. It requires communication, respect, and a lot of forgiveness. Typically speaking women have challenges with all three of these things. Now throw in menopause, which causes havoc with a women’s emotions.
I understand there a lot of hard headed men out there. Some can be controlling, and difficult to talk to. The question is, Is marriage worth working for or should the marriage be terminated in order to find individual joy. As soon as self enters the equation rationalization takes over. God Bless
Women overcome relationships and divorces much quicker than men. My ex-wife was screwing someone else two weeks after we separated. I waited six months to start dating again. And that was after ten years of marriage.
Actually, the article is about women like your wife, Alejandroe. It is gender bias…toward women who file for divorce more often.
Nancy lay-King – I know this is super late BUT: My ex was the one who filed first, and took no hesitation into filing for divorce. Feel better? She was the one to quickly move on, and find another partner after leaving me 2 weeks into the ended relationship. She was the one to jump into the relationship faster to not experience the broken relationship. So, I think this pertains to both men AND woman – there is no gender bias.
My now ex-wife was having an affair with her married co-worker. You’d think that I would have filed immediately, but after talking with my divorced friends, my expectations for what my parenting position and finances would be put the breaks on me filing for divorce pretty quickly. The worst that it would likely be for my wife (50/50 custody and no alimony – she’d still get child suport because I make 4x what she does) was the best it would likely be for me. If she got what she was asking for (full custody, lifetime alimony, the house, 1/2 my business, retirmenet, etc…), I’d be marginalized as a parent and it would be strapped fianancially to a women that I was no longer married to for the rest of my life. To me, there was almost an incentive to bailing for my wife and and nothing but risk and loss on my side. I knew that things would have to be resolved, but there was no real incentive to rushing for me.
I refused to move out. Fortunately her drive to spend time with her boyfriend (she couldn’t do it at our house now that I was on to them) won out and she moved into a small apartment, which took the pressure off for me having to act quickly. I eventually got things together enough that I thought I wouldn’t get totally screwed and was preparing to file, but she beat me to the punch and filed first. In the end, things actually worked out for me. I got primary custody of the kids, no alimony, protected my premarital assets (house and business) and split every thing else in a reasonable fashion (more like 55/45). The upside is that my relationship with my kids is secure and our future is financially sound as well. With a bit of space I could see how awful living with her was for us and was surprised that I retained most of our friends. The down side is that we spent a small fortune fighting and the damage done has all but ensured that we won’t coparent our kids anytime soon, if ever.
Rob’s story makes me sad. Unfortunately, I believe Rob’s wife probably didn’t truly love him when they married. He sounds like a nice guy. There are certain women who like nice men, but men who take abuse from a woman lose her respect quickly. No man or woman should be willing to take whatever comes in a marriage. You must have a good sense about right and wrong. You must have limits!
I’m nice. Men and women friends always told me, “I just always feel like I can be myself around you.” While that’s a great compliment, I often found certain sneaky types (women and men) who quickly seemed to want to be friends or in a relationship too soon. Every time I have been pursued like that, it turned out wrong, with me ending the friendship or relationship.
I have always had my limits. I’m easy to be around, but I am honest with myself and I try now to communicate how I feel about things done earlier than later. I always held in feelings with these aggressive people and then later I’ve had enough and I’m completely done. Then I feel relief and they feel lots of pain.
In relationships you have to find the right person and not settle for just anything that comes along.
With much more women nowadays that are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, and Cheating much more than ever would certainly do it.
FFS what a one sided article.
Essentially all of the reasons given in this article are proven false by one simple fact. Women who have a college degree and work are the least likely group to get divorced at 20% and falling.
Cathy Meyer says
No, Mike, college educated women are more likely to have successful marriages. The same goes for college educated men. That doesn’t mean that if the marriage is bad college educated women are less likely to file for divorce. The divorce rate amongst college educated women has gone down, that is true. Given their educational status and the likelihood that they work outside the home the are more likely to file for divorce than a stay-at-home mom with no work experience or education.
Most women are to blame for most divorces today since many of them like to cheat, especially the ones that are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, and very greedy today.
Divorce ruins not only the family nest but the well-being of the children. Removing the social stigma with “no fault” has allowed women to do whatever they want….and it seems what they increasingly want is divorce….and they no longer care about the children.
My work is entirely focussed on the mental health of chidren. Divorce affects them profoundly. Far too many never see their fathers post-divorce, despite these fathers trying desperately to do so.
The non-feminist women out there can change this sorry state of affairs, but it will take a very long time. In the mean-time, men will continue to pay child support and alimony, not see their own children, and have no one adocating for their cause…..nor for the children.
Well since most women cheat nowadays that doesn’t surprise me one bit, especially the ones that have their careers with their high paying job.
B. Kenyon says
If a victim or victim’s family member can forgive and even start a friendship with a rapist or murderer, there is always hope, there is always a chance of reconciliation. I know it is not easy, but it is POSSIBLE. But you can not change someone else, you cannot force someone to forgive or to actually try and do something. At a wedding, before parents, siblings, family and friends (and before GOD) you give a solumn vow. The oppisite of love is not hate, it is appathy and indifference. I find both men and women are to ready to get a divorce, the easy way out, instead of putting in the hard work to improve yourself, build a strong marriage and rekindle to LOVE that was once there. It is interesting that I know of three different couples where the MAN stayed home with the kids to raise them, giving up his job. There is still alimony payments awarded in my state. NOT ONE OF THEM was given allimony, even though the men got primary custody. DIVORCE hurts everyone and even though most children grow up fine, there is a significant number that are emotionally scared for life. I believe that once there are children, ALL married couples (white, black, gay, lesbian, transgender, young, old) should have to see a maritial councelor every year, each individually and then a group session. This would greatly reduce problems and help couple to keep the lines of communication open.
Women divorce more because they will most certainly have free stuff thrown at them.
Divorce law today is a racket that treats men like dirt.
in my own case your percentages and trends are way off. I was the nurturing one in the marriage, the cook, the cleaner and I worked 12 hours days. After sixteen years she decided she was unhappy and it was my fault. I was out of work for three months, ended up getting another great job but she still said that was the last straw. At first she said she needed time and space then she completely turned on me and made everything an argument. I went to counseling and went on a mood stabilizer because she said I need to change if we were going to have a chance. I tried everything to no avail. Her answer now is that she hadn’t been happy or in love for six years and she was the victim. It took her only three months before she moved on with several different men. The person I married, loved, and was best friends with died and the person who is left says the only thing that matters is her happiness and she doesn’t care about my happiness or what happens to me. It really has been tragic. Me three kids are heart broken and she writes it off as a phase they’re going through. i take the high road and support her as a co-parent but she goes out her way to be as cold as she can even in front of the kids. I hope time will show her that she is hurting them when she goes out of her way to hurt me. Thank you for listening.
The Serious Truth says
Well since Most women are the Biggest Cheaters today certainly has a lot to do with it since this happened to me when i was a very Good Husband to my wife which it still wasn’t Good Enough for her when there is No Reason at all to Blame myself at all. Most women unfortunately Can’t be faithful to just Only One Man anymore like years ago when Most of them were very faithful like Most of the men too in those days. Now since many women are making a lot more money than many of us men do which does cause more Divorce since it is all about the women of today wanting to have it all since they Definitely have become very Greedy And Selfish over the years. There are many of us Good men that have been Very Hurt by this since many of us have already Lost in court over this which is real sad how the women have really Changed for the Worst over the years. Once i found out that my wife Cheated on me which i filed for divorce immediately and within three weeks i was believe it or not i was Divorced since she agreed to it right away which it really made it very Easy for me.
Many low life loser women would certainly cause it.
Well since they are the Biggest Cheaters today, that would certainly do it.
Matt Marriage Mentor says
Your article is probably acurate. (I have trained over 7000 marriage mentors) The problem is your last statment as if it is a crown on their/your head.
Divorce comes at a great cost to the innocent (children). Women do reach their limits and when they say IM DONE, they do mean it. Men are often stagnent until it’s too late. My problem with your article is that it makes it seem ok for women to ‘CHECK OUT’ because of the reasons you mentioned.
JUST BECAUSE A WOMAN AND HER CHILDREN SURVIVE A DIVORCE doesnt make it healthy or right.
Banking your decisions on the toughness of your children is stupid.
I would have finished the accurate article with this:
TO ALL WOMEN: GET HELP BEFORE YOU GET OUT!
Get counseling, or mentoring where you can salvage your family and give your ignorant or defiant husband a chance to change and grow. OH YEAH….maybe YOU need to change too…maybe you are guilty of wrong doing and the counseling can change your actions and heart.
Do it for the good of your children. DONT listen to YOUR GIRLFRIENDS who are also divorced and living it up…….that is plain stuipd.
president of www.daretobedifferent.com
Men survive in large part due to support from their girlfriends too! Thank you ladies.
I think evolutionary psychologists are quite correct when they say that the only thing that has historically tethered women to men are resources. Now that women can get those resources from the daddy government, the same women that supported the institution of marriage since the dawn of civilization have thrown it under the bus. It makes you wonder if women, who are slaves to their opportunistic hypergamy, actually believe in anything.
Amanda, It is very sad that these women also think that they’re God’s gift to men which their really NOT at all since Most of them i would say also have such a very Bad Attitude Problem as well which the women in the Past were Never like that at all that really made a much BETTER wife back then too compared to the ones that are out there these days which is very sad how women over these years that have really CHANGED for the Worst which does make it very sad for many of us GOOD men that really wanted to find a GOOD woman to ACCEPT us for who we really are since many of us men DON’T make the kind of money that many of the high salary women are making today. And if i really met a GOOD woman that makes much less money than me who really cares, and if we happen to be very compatible together and love one another that would be fantastic. Quite a CHANGE in the women of today from years ago which it is a shame that i WASN’T BORN at a much Earlier time since i DEFINITELY could’ve met a GOOD woman to settle down with to have a family that i still DON’T have today which it is certainly NOT my fault at all since MOST of the women of today are NOTHING at all like the real GOOD old fashioned women were which is the Real Reason why many of us men are still Single now. That is why our family members were very EXTREMELY FORTUNATE back then since they found LOVE with one another which is the Real Reason why many of us are still here today thanks to them since many of our family members are still together today as i speak which is very Amazing how long their marriage lasted.
Well now that many women have their Careers today that really speaks for itself since they’re so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, and so very money hungry.
Paul, women are high maintenance because they know their value, they are independent because it is no longer 1960 and they no longer are left at the mercy of a man to give them what they need and want. Women are selfish because they finally understand the virtues in putting their needs before some man’s needs. They are spoiled because they earn their own money and know paying for what they want is perfectly within their rights as a HUMAN BEING. They are greedy as hell because they spent to many decades being beholden to men who were greedy as hell. They are picky because they can be due to the realization that they don’t need a man to survive. Women are finally in a position of being able to pick a man who compliments our lives instead of complicating our lives. You damn straight we are picky. We are money hungry because it takes money to survive and we don’t want a man who is going to leech off the bacon we bring home. If you can’t keep up with women, you might want to think about making some changes and becoming the kind of man we want because, women no longer have to settle for a man who is unworthy of us. It’s 2016, catch up, Paul.
Paul, it comes down to this: Men AND Women act this way in life. Seems lots of nice, sweet women are found by overbearing, abusive men; lots of nice, sweet, easygoing men end up with aggressive, controlling women. This is a human problem, not a problem with the sexes. Not all men are innocent and neither are women. If you know this and you’re a good man, you should be very careful about the women you date. You must fully get to know here and what she is about.
There is nothing wrong with a working woman. She just has to be a good woman who loves and respects her husband. He must do the same and they can work together and not be afraid.
“It takes money to survive.”
That’s cute, cupcake. You do realize the plastic, air conditioned, pumpkin spice fantasy world that lets you pretend to be independent from men exists ever so precariously at the brink of collapse. Neither digits stored on a bank server’s hard drive nor green pieces of paper will help you survive in the REAL WORLD.
Well, “cupcke,” I’ve managed to survive in the real world for 14 years without a man. And not on plastic bit on an annual salary of $110,000 a year. I’m betting if the economy collapses again I’ll be better off than your whiny butt. I don’t pretend to survive, I do survive and I wll outlast you and your fear of being relegated as worthless and unneeded by most women..
Ray, when you speak of the past are you talking about the days when a family could live off $15,000 a year, own a home, a car and put a kid through college? Also, what makes you think I’ve never struggled? It’s the struggles that motivated me to pursue a better life for myself. And, I don’t have cats, I have dogs and if I grow old with them, I will consider myself in good company. You just aren’t getting it. Us Women don’t need a man to be happy. We don’t care if we grow old alone. We don’t care that you think it’s a terrible thing that us women don’t settle for less than we are worth. The days are over where men drive what a woman chooses for her life. Just because you men don’t like that, doesn’t mean us women are Spoiled and Selfish.
You sound very unpleasant and arrogant Amanda.
Carrie, you’re very Lucky that you didn’t live in the Past like the women back then that had to Struggle to make ends meat like the men did at that time too since back then Both men and women had it very Tough. Most women now are very Spoiled and very Selfish which is why many of us men are Single which Most of you women will just Grow old all Alone with your Cats anyway.
Ray, Please know that Carrie is still single. I saw her getting the soul train of love by two black bucks behind the club. She was like the white part of an Oreo cookie stuck in the middle. And she loved it. Every minute of it!!!
Excellent comment Leroy.
Carrie, well if this is the way you feel which does really make you very sad and pathetic to begin with since you should just get a Cat for a pet and Grow old all alone with it.
Ray, you are a hoot! I’ve been dating the same man for 3 years. We are getting married in December. We’ve purchased property and break ground on our new home next week. He is a good man. A man who doesn’t mind striving to be better for the woman he loves and has a woman who doesn’t mind striving to be better for the man she loves. He, our 3 children (2 for me, 1 for him), 2 dogs and 1 cat will grow old together surrounded by love and respect. How is your love life and future looking? I’m thinking not so good. If it were you wouldn’t be hanging out on a women’s website spewing anger.
To Amanda, Oh wow you make 110,000 a year. Do you want a Gold Medal too.
To Carrie, Most men would Never want a woman like you anyway.
Amanda, The reason you went 14 years without a man is because of your terrible attitude and most likely terrible looks. I assume you are probably obese like most American women. Let me know if you need me to hook you up with some of the brothas. Youknowhatimsayin?
intellectual indian says
so, women are ugly and selfish?
Carrie, many women are very spoiled and selfish today unfortunately which Most of them in the past Weren’t like that at all since it is really only about Money for them. Lets face it, these women will Never at all go with a man that makes much Less Money than they do which would be a Miracle if they did. So there is the problem for many of us men Looking for love since it is very Difficult to have a woman to Accept us for who we really are as you can see. I had a woman that i really wanted to meet and go out with her which she told me she that she Only goes with men that make a lot of Money. And i said to her that you must be joking right? And she said that i really feel more Secure when i date a guy that has Money. What a Loser she turned out to be anyway.
Ray, I would not ever date a man who didn’t make as much money as I do. He either better be equal to me as far as his career and earnings go or, better than me. Why would I want to date someone who wasn’t as driven as I am? What could I possibly have in common with them? I don’t need a man to have money because it makes me feel financially secure. I need a man who is driven and passionate about his work because it makes me feel equal…not better than, not less than but, equal. I have my own money, don’t need a man for that but I do need a man who has the same values that I do. If he is making $20,000 a year and happy with that, we don’t have anything in common.
Carrie, Funny how you never once mentioned love as being important to you. A man that is driven and passionate about his work because it makes you feel equal? That sounds very insecure. Feminism wins again! Its much better for a man to stay far away from a damaged women like you. And your expectations are so high that you will become more bitter over time and soon will be over 50 and alone playing with your cat by your bookshelf.
Let The Real Truth Be Known says
To Carrie, you’re the kind of woman that no man would want anyway since we will never waste our time with somebody like you to begin with. Then again a woman like you wouldn’t be wife material at all as well. You Failed.
Many women now unfortunately do want the Best of all and will Never settle for Less which is real very sad today how the women have really Changed over the years which is Not for the good at all which does keep many of us men Single because of this.
Ray, if you know that women won’t settle for less than they deserve why don’t you strive to be the best? I don’t understand your thought process. It’s bad that women want the best because men don’t feel they should have to be the best in order to find a woman? Us women are supposed to just shut up and settle for what men are willing to give us even if it isn’t their best? That makes NO sense whatsoever.
Amanda, Men do not want to marry high maintenance due to the current demands in society. Its just not worth it anymore. These women are getting pumped and dumped left and right. We men are also not going to settle for anyone less than we deserve. Hope you enjoy being single or you find a foolish simp or beta male cuck provider. Alphas like me don’t want you. Its almost 2017, better turn on the pump and dump sign and hopefully a black guy will talk to you. There are far better options to find women in Europe and Latin America than feminist trash like you. Women there also look better.
Concerned Black says
‘Its almost 2017, better turn on the pump and dump sign and hopefully a black guy will talk to you’ Mehn, you are a retard…You want a good woman to stay with you but a racial bigot. Little wonder you are on divorcedmoms.com lol #DoubleStandards
It is very simple. The modern woman is just greedy, proud, arrogant, hateful, unforgiving, bitter, jealous, and wanting to kill her husband just because he burns toast. Past hatred, if it is really exactly what it is made out to be is not an excuse to do evil. Of course, though, the modern woman is an evil witch and thinks herself entitled to divorce, but yet, of course, screams like a banshee at the thought of her husband even wanting to leave her.
this is a testimonaial to the immaturity of the so-called modern women. Men don’t get tired of going to jobs every day and putting up with rude bosses? they do this even if they do not like it because they love their wifes and their children and are mature enough to take care of their responsibility. Would that the women were as responsible. This woman even says that women are motivated by their emotions to file for divorce – and that is a very childish reason to do any thing.
The wife is not happy with some tihngs in her marriage – well, lady, grow up. So is the man not happy as well. But he has the maturity to weather the storm. And he does not get to sue for money because he is not happy. The women in America have become parias that deserve nothing when they deside to break the contract. That is what marriage is, a contract, and why should she get better in the deal – it sounds like a system of partiallity and discrimination to me. If men got paid to break the contract and got to keep the kids I just bet there would be a lot more of them initiating divorce.
Women are doing it more because they have been put on a pedistal and we are now worshipping women and that is wrong = and so Amnerican men are getting the shaft. After the experiences I have had with the evil women of this society I have grown to depise them and they well deserve it.
I think it’s great that women no longer have to stay married to me who brutalize them. I grew up in a household with an abusive alcoholic stepfather because my mother was afraid to support herself and her 2 kids. However, there are many women today who look for attributes they can’t find in ordinary human beings, and some are, indeed, too money hungry. I would suggest to Paul and other men who can’t find a suitable partner to start looking overseas. Lots of men are doing it these days. Oh, I don’t mean to lie to a Filipina or Central American woman about your finances, or to marry with the idea that you can treat them like children, because it just won’t work out. A woman should always be respected for herself, but you can find a foreign woman willing to give you a chance, which is getting harder to do with American women these days. The thing is, some of them want to punish you for something other men did to women, or men in another generation.That’s rather like a black person hating you for your white skin because the Southern slave-owners were white. People should be valued for their character, not their gender or their skin color.
intellectual indian says
Yes..Men are afraid to divorce because we need to pay handsome amount to women in the name of alimony…does any women in this world will say no to alimony payment as they can sit and get the money without any trouble? this alimony is stupid. working women are no way eligible for alimony payments
What’s really ironic is that it’s the woman who is the one pushing for marriage, too. Typical.
ErikwithaK, it’s easy to find a man to marry. What’s difficult is finding a man worth marrying. Most women don’t realize they’ve settled for less than they are worth until after the “I dos” are said.
Women act on their emotions, whereas men act on their reason. That’s how both gender complement each other and enable our species to survive. Until recently in human history, life/death environmental pressures made us appreciate each A LOT more than now and focus on very fondamental values, such as loyalty, love, resilience, and teamwork. Otherwise, you would die quite rapidly. In fact, it is theorized that “love” has evolved to ensure a man and a woman stick together during the long child development period. Essentially, natural hardships make us appreciate each other a lot more bcause you’re not focused a lot on yourself, which is now the complete opposite in out western society. As a young adult obsessed with scholar achievments, I started to feel happy again once I began focusing on people around me. It’s instictual, and feels great. Happiness comes from within as a result of years of personal growth and bonding within other human beings. My psychologist told me that after covering basic life necessities, happiness then becomes proportional to human connections: focusing on others. After all, you can’t take your money with you when you die. How many of us will worry about their car, clothes, or former boss’s performance reviews on their death beds? Unfortunately, women are sold this idea of the super woman who can find permanent personal satisfaction by simply marrying the “right man”. After a while, reality kicks in and disappointment settles in. At this point, instead of getting a reality check, the husband becomes the easy scapegoat. My advice: constantly seek out and solve new challenges together.
“At this point, instead of getting a reality check, the husband becomes the easy scapegoat.” Not really, just because women want better or feel they have the authority to define who they want to live their lives doesn’t mean men are used as scapegoats. And, speaking as a woman, I’ve learned that happiness has nothing to do with who you marry but, in making choices that are right for ME. You are assuming that women still live the antiquated idea that they can’t be happy unless they are attached to a man. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Women like you would be a real waste of time to us men anyway altogether since you really have such a very bad attitude problem with men as i can see since you will never be able to hold on to one which he would run so fast from you when he really finds out what you’re really like.
Paul, based on your grammar and sentence structure you’ve got a 6th grade education. A man like you would never stand a chance with me or women like me.
Amanda, then again with a pathetic loser like you well that certainly really speaks for itself anyway. And i can really tell that your choice of men at one time was very awful since you like to take your problems out on us innocent ones that are real good by the way for your information. You need to get a life since unfortunately you don’t have one at all.
Amanda, based on your posts you are the typical woman with a histrionic personality disorder.
Oliver, you just made me laugh out loud. Do you label every woman with an opinion that differs from a man histrionic? If so, you’re the one with the problem, not me. But, don’t worry, I’m not going to label you with a psychiatric disorder. I don’t need to revert to labels in order to defend my position.
Not at all, but just one question Amanda, have you ever been called an histrionic before? You seem to know what it is, why would you know that, mostly mental health practicians know about this. Everybody knows about narcissists, sure but histrionics, no. Also for future reference, we dont say “psychiatric” disorder, we use “mental” disorder.
I know what it is, my ex, during our custody battle accused me of having histrionic personality disorder. My attorney, in return, petitioned the courts for a psychiatric assessment for both my ex and myself. It was determined that my ex is a “malignant narcissist” according to the Dr. who evaluated us. Me, no personality disorder but did, at the time, suffer from mild anxiety. I don’t know what “we” you belong to but, the Dr. who did our assessment used the term “psychiatric disorder.” And, if you are some kind of mental health professional and feel you can diagnose someone from a few comments on an article, I have to say that I wouldn’t want to be a client of yours.
Amanda, I have made psychiatric evaluations for family courts, I have never heard about determination for NPD or HPD, and that is because a judge could not care less. what judges want to know is if there is any behavior that could be or harmful to the children, only the children are relevant regarding psy evaluation of the parents. Whether you or your husband had a HPD or NPD is totally irrelevant in family court. Beside, when a psychiatrist asks you a question or make a comment, there is more to it, when I told you, you had HPD, I already knew what would be your reply, which was in effect typical of a histrionic, you just confirmed it, a normal person would respond: “i don’t know, what are you talking about?” , an histrionic always respond, “it s not me it’s my husband who is narcissist. it was a test, Amanda, and you tested positive for HPD, whether you like it or not. Besides, it s not based on a few comments, i have been following your comments, because you are a case study in my next book, I know Amanda is not your name but I changed it anyways so you won’t have funny ideas to take me to court. And Oliver is not my name either.
Wow!! So, because I knew what histrionic personality disorder is, that means I suffer from histrionic personality disorder? That is hilarious! I don’t know where you practice BUT the judge in my case was very interested in the diagnosis made by the Dr. in our case. Why? “Any mental health issues can directly impact how one parents and the negative impact of that parenting on the children.” That is a direct quote from the court transcripts. Of course, he took other behaviors by both myself and my ex into consideration before ruling in our case but, he did care, though, he cared very much. Maybe that is the difference in the district you practice in and the district I got a divorce. As for your book, write away. It’s too bad you can’t find real life case studies and have to troll websites for fodder for your book. That might say something about your practice and caseload. You are welcome to use my case and comments as an example and twist it any way you wish. I’m secure in who I am and the state of my mental health. A man who has to troll the internet for case studies for his “book” is not a threat to me or anyone else. I think I’ll print these out and have my girlfriend who is a psychiatrist diagnose you. I mean, if you can diagnose someone from a few comments, I’m sure she could also. I’ll let you know what she says. LOL!!
Marriage is a suckers game for men because most women view men as a utility that can be replaced or discarded.
Most women gain financially from divorce while men are usually destroyed by the family court system and spend the rest of their lives trying to recover.
I recently retired and passed my lake front home on to my son. I told him to stay single if he didn’t want to lose it because once he gets married, he might as well sign the deed over to his wife. She’ll get it in divorce anyway.
Marriage unfortunately has become very Risky for many of us men these days since Most women do cause Divorce.
My ex wife thought she would leave, the the kids, and collect support. I thought the same thing. However I was very close to my kids, coached baseball and led scouts. I fought for 50% cusrody and now have them full time and recieve child support. My ex and I can talk and over the years I found she regretted losing the family. I remarried a woman and she recieved significant support. Basically another man paid for our mortgage. I feel divorce favors women with no real stigma, child support, and primary custody. If women were on a level playing field as men post divorce it might not be so imbalanced. Had I known how it would turn out I would have filed. I felt same as her. But men have common risks in divorce that women don’t experience. I figured i would lose a lot in a divorce, she figured she would gain a lot.
Cathy Meyer says
Dan, your comment makes no sense. You received custody of your children AND another man who is paying child support for his children covers your mortgage. How does that equate to the courts favoring women? Or, do you believe you are the only man out there who gained custody and doesn’t have to pay child support? Men are as likely to gain custody as women when they fight for custody. The problem is, very few men want or fight for custody of their children. That isn’t the courts favoring women, it’s men walking away from their children.
My ex filed because she thought she would get custody and support. She told me her expectation was full custody and all her friends had it. Typically men in my state lose custody battles. It is statistically factual. I wanted primary custody, and the kids wanted to live with me, but didnt get it till the kids were older.
Basically my point is women suffer less consequence to divorce with the social stigmas gone and the custody leaning in favor of women. Split custody isnt always found in the benefit if the kids because it reduces the resources the kids have available due to managing two complete homes. In contested custody battles the mom gets the kids more often and added money that is tax free. There are growing trends in the other direction but i feel this is still a component on why which partner files more often. In kid free marriages women do not file more often in my state.
Cathy, Are you a jew? The jewish feminism thing is really getting old. Men are walking away from marriage in droves because of this. MGTOW and RSD are changing society now. Wake up!
Seriously Speaking says
Well since so many women nowadays which even the married ones like sleeping around with all different kinds of men all the time since this really doesn’t surprise me at all. And these women that have children which i really feel bad for them.
What even makes it much more sad today is that Most women are now Narcissists too.
Any man stupid enough to tie his life to a woman deserves what he gets. The amount of information existing today regarding family court and alimony makes it painfully obvious that marrige is a losers game for men. If she says marry me or I’m leaving, hold the door open for her like I did. You can always move on to the next one.
Remember, no cohabitation and no marriage equals no divorce and no alimony.
I certainly agree.
The only winners in divorce are Satan and government, the latter being massively empowered by the whole disaster. Why do you think one of the first steps after the Bolshevik Revolution in 1918 was to institute the new and radical concept of no-fault divorce?
You’re a woman, aren’t you? Either that or you aren’t from America. For women, divorce is like winning one of those cash for life scratch offs. Free money, yay! Except… someone had to earn that money, unfortunately. Well, unfortunately for they writing out those alamony checks every month. For the record, I’ve never been divorced, no axe to grind, but it’s pretty damn obvious how the (American) divorce system works. My appologies if you are not American and did not know that…
Very Smart To Stay Single Now says
Well gee wiz lets be real here which first of all many women that are real whores these days certainly has a lot to do with it since they like sleeping around with all different kinds of men every single chance that they get which has certainly destroyed many of us men that had this happened to us already unfortunately even though we were the very faithful ones right to the very end which it still wasn’t good enough for them at all. And by the way many of us good men which i will speak for others were very committed to our ex wives at that time and we did show a lot of love and as well as a lot of respect and they still weren’t happy at all. That just goes to show you that no matter how nice you’re to our women which many of us really were at that time they still went behind our backs and cheated on us which made them such very pathetic losers for doing that to us which really devastated us as well. And they had no shame at all either which makes them very sad altogether as well. It is very wise for many of us men to stay single now especially with all of the aggravation that we went through since most of the time the courts do favor the women most of the time which has caused us to loose thousands of dollars already over this since most of us good innocent men are the ones who suffer most of the time.
Well now that most women like spreading their legs all the time since they will sleep around with all different men every chance they get which doesn’t say anything good about them at all since many of us good men unfortunately had this happened to us already even though many of us men were the Real Faithful Ones which meant nothing to these real losers at all. Since most women nowadays have commitment issues which they will continue to sleep around as much as they can since they obviously will never be wife material anyway to begin with. This is a very good reason for us men that will never have respect for these type of women since it will be very hard for us men to trust women anymore after what has happened to us. Marriage has become very dangerous for us men since the women of today have changed for the Worst of all since Most of these women have caused this mess in the first place. And many of us men are the real Victims here unfortunately since we really have No Reason at all to blame ourselves in the first place.
Or the men out there,
I’ll summit up for you guys out there… Lately women are more entitled than ever. They love playing the feminist equal opportunity sexist empowered card. Once things don’t go their way they flip-flop and play the victim card. They want equal opportunity but want the man in the government to pay for dinners, healthcare, alimony, kids, and try to grab any resource they possibly can for their benefit. Women have the biggest double standard more than children!
Women try to shame man constantly by making them feel guilty if the woman is fat, lazy, and bad behavior if the guys don’t want to date them. On the other hand, these women want to date good looking, tall, successful men. Women want to marry up but they want the man to marry down. If a man date or marry a younger woman the older women get mean and rude and can’t stand this. But if the woman wants to date a younger man all her girlfriends say “you go girl”and support this. (double standard)
For all the real man out there, don’t put up with this bad shaming tactics behavior from women. If you get married, sign a unbreakable prenup and check out “MGTOW” to understand the psychology of these selfish women nowadays.
Men, don’t fall for these shaming tactics and guilt trips tactics from these selfish greedy females. Ignore these hags and go for the females that really appreciate you.
Best of luck!
Paul Nelson says
Paul Hypergamy ! every wife I know believes, there is a better man that she passed up for her husband. And that she deserves better !
One thing i dont get correctly,suicide and mortality rate is higher in divorced man.It should be.because A lot of man lose their kids,home and financial stability in divorce.on other said,woman get a very good deal in post-divorce settlement.some statistics show divorced woman recover emotionally more faster than divorce man.even some statistics say divorced woman sooner have sex or date after divorce than divorced man.but the point is,men are very low comparatively than woman,in case of population and marital status.Single man(divorced,never married,widower,separated) are lower in population than single woman(divorced,never married,widow,separated).so basically these surplus single women dating or having sex with whom?,another married man?(because a lot of single man late to back in dating line after marital break down,by research).even man remarry so faster than woman.a lot of divorced dads even have babies again with new wife(if she is young),which a very few divorced mom do with new marriage partner.because over 40 pregnancy rate is still same as 1940,but over 40 fathering now a days skyrocketing.i dont know the answers,its true,divorced make man suffer huge emotionally and financially than woman,but its also true,man remarry faster,have babies and settle in new family faster.may be men found remarriage is way to escape from his sudden misery caused by his wife.
Feminism Is Worse Than Cancer says
Just too many very rotten and evil man hating women all over the place nowadays unfortunately, thanks to Feminism.
DivorcedMoms Editor says
Oh, I think men have a monopoly on hating women. In fact, I’m a feminist and don’t know any women who hate men. We LOVE men but we hold them to a high standard. Only some men meet our standards and it’s those who don’t meet our standards who feel we hate all men. Maybe instead of hating on women for rejecting you, you could delve into a bit of self-improvement so that you become worthy of a woman’s attention. Something you may not understand, just because your a man doesn’t mean your owed a woman or a woman’s attention.
MGTOW Is A Lifesaver Today. says
Well now that there are so many very dumb women nowadays which certainly explains it why so many of us men are single today since many of us were the very smart ones not to marry any of these type of women, and i do feel very bad for the men that did marry many of these low life loser women that are the ones that cause these divorces now unfortunately. And single mother’s are the worse ones of all for any man that does get involved with any of these type of women which will cause them so much trouble as well. Most women are real trouble these days, and very mentally disturbed altogether as well unfortunately. MGTOW is growing at a rapid pace today which keeps many of us men save, and will certainly save us a lot of misery as well as keeping a lot of extra money in our pockets too. These very pathetic women are the reason why men most of the time will lose in court when the divorce is final, and the courts unfortunately always favor women more than men which makes it very sad.
Most women in the past made a great wife since they were very old fashioned and very easy to meet in those days. Now most women want everything that they never had back then, since both men and women hardly had any money at that time. So it is the women today that have really changed so very horribly now more than ever, especially the very high maintenance ones that really think they’re God’s gift to men, but they’re a real joke altogether altogether to begin with.