No one wants a second divorce! If you remarry after divorce for the right reasons it is the best way to keep yourself out of a second round in divorce court.
Most remarry after divorce because they’ve fallen “in love.” When you’ve got the baggage of a failed marriage, children, and financial issues, is being in love reason enough to remarry?
A few years back a woman and her three sons moved next door to me. I was intrigued by her situation and thrilled to have a single mother of sons to connect with and possibly build a friendship with.
As it turned out, this woman and I were opposites in every way. She had two teenage sons who came and went as they pleased. Her younger son was left to fend for himself while his mother worked and then went out in the evenings.
During a conversation with her, she said to me, “I’ve got to find a man to support me.” Within four months she had found her man, moved herself and her children into his home and started planning a wedding.
I ran into her a couple of years later and she had a new baby on her hip. She was driving a BMW and in the process of building her dream home. She was also miserable. She droned on and on about how unhappy she was, how stressful her life was, how her new husband worked day and night, leaving her lonely and alone with a new baby.
She got what she wanted out of the new marriage, financial support. But, marriage is about more than support or feelings of intense love. There are right reasons and wrong reasons to marry for a second time, marry for the wrong reasons and you will be setting yourself up for failure.
Reasons You Should Remarry After Divorce:
1. Because you’ve fallen in love. What better reason to want to be with someone forever? It needs to be love that stands the test of time, though. Don’t rush to the alter just because you feel butterflies when he holds your hand. Or, your heart flip-flops when she walks into the room. Remarry because your love has been proven, has stood the test of time, the ups and downs that come along with life. Test it before you bet the rest of your life on it.
2. Because you want to, not because you need to. When you’ve completely healed from your divorce you won’t think of remarriage as something you “need” to do, it will be something you “want” to do. When you can live happy and single, on your own, you will be able to live happily as a couple with someone you love. You won’t need that person to take care of you or your emotional needs. You will want to share the happy life you’ve built with your new love.
3. When you are able to give and receive. You are able to take care of not only yourself but the other person. You are fully aware that marriage is give and take and you are willing to give whatever is called for. And, in return appreciate what is given to you.
4. It isn’t all about lust. Sex is dandy but it isn’t too handy during times of conflict and strife. He or she may really get your motor humming but how comfortable are you with this person on a daily basis? How well do the two of you work through conflict? The ability to resolve a dispute far outweighs the ability to make her/his toes curl in the bedroom when it comes to determining how successful a marriage will be.
5. Your finances are compatible. Do you know his credit history? What kind of debt will she bring into the marriage? Is he paying child support? Is she receiving child support? How will you each protect assets you bring into the marriage? When all this is considered and incomes are joined will you have enough to live comfortably as a blended family?
6. Your friends and family like your new love. My father was a great judge of character. I failed to listen to what he had to say about my ex when they first met. In fact, I failed to listen to not only him but several other people. I let the love I felt get in the way of realizing that, at times those who love us are a better judge of what we should and shouldn’t do. Especially if we are in the throes of “love.”
Love truly is blind, so do yourself a favor and ask around. If your friends and family are having doubts step back and take a second look without those rose-colored glasses.
The thought of marrying again may cause the hair on the back of your neck to stand up, and not in a good way. Going into a second marriage will normally cause fear and trepidation. No one wants a second divorce! If you remarry for the right reasons is the best way to keep yourself out of a second round in divorce court.