Getting over a breakup or divorce is hard! Especially when your heart and mind keep pulling you back into the pain of it all without even so much as a warning. Not to worry, though, help is here!
Here’s a list of 6 things you can do right now, this very minute, that will help you move forward and get over your ex:
1. Go low or no contact. What this means is have as little contact with him as possible. If you have kids you will need to be in contact about schedules, school, and emergencies but limit your communication to only the core items. What does this do? It frees you. Part of the reason you’re having trouble getting over him is that you get constant reminders of the hurt. Remember, he knows how to push your buttons. Stop giving him the opportunity to set you off.
2. Make a list of the reasons you’re glad you’re not with him. Is your house more peaceful, did you order Chinese for dinner last night (he hates Chinese), or are you glad you can spend money how you want without having to check in with someone else? Make your list of all the things he did that irritated you or hurt your feelings. This list trick seems to have people feeling much better in a very short period of time.
3. Change something about your environment.Move the furniture around, take a picture down, put feminine sheets on the bed. Claiming your physical space like this can be very empowering and help you to release your ex. When the items you look at every day are about you, and not him or the relationship, you’ll have a much easier time getting over him.
4. Take five to ten minutes to feel sad or mad and write in your journal. Journaling does not have to be a marathon event and this might be what keeps people from using this super helpful tool. To make it easy set the timer on your phone for five or ten minutes and begin. Just write out all the things that come to mind without censoring yourself. Once the timer beeps, you’re done! Just like the turkey on Thanksgiving. Don’t jump up from the table or desk just yet though. It helps your brain to give it a cue – the cue is to say out loud “Journaling time is done”. Pretty simple, right?! The impact of beginning and ending your journaling time this way allows you to feel your feelings in small doses, a way that can make them less overwhelming and more manageable. Once you’re practicing this for a while you can extend the journaling times to 15 or even 20 minutes so you can get even more emotion out on the page and let it go. Trust yourself, you know the right pace at the right time.
5. Say an affirmation. When we’re having a hard time letting go of the past, it can be because we’re living there and not here in this moment. Saying affirmations brings your attention to what’s happening right now and frames it in a positive manner. Say to yourself “I am a strong woman”, “God/the Universe has my back”, or another phrase that really fits for you. Say it over and over, post it on your bathroom mirror, sing it in the shower and while you’re driving down the street. The more you reinforce this moment and the future you want to have, the weaker the past gets and the easier it is for the breakup to fade.
6. Change a habit that makes you think of him. Maybe every time a blue Ford truck passes by, you can’t help but glance to see if your ex is at the wheel. Suddenly, it seems like the road is a sea of blue trucks. Here’s the trick – find other things to do in the car that occupy your mind: Listen to a great playlist that energizes you or listen to a podcast on a topic you find interesting. If you used to go on a run every Saturday morning together find a new running buddy, join a running club, run a different route, go at a different time, or do other things to make the run something that’s just for you. The goal is to recreate the experience until the traces of your ex are gone.
Choose one thing from the list and go do it right now. I mean it, don’t hesitate to take action. You’re reading this because something is bothering you about your divorce or breakup and you need relief. You deserve to heal, you deserve to leave your pain behind, and these quick strategies are steps to getting an instant reprieve.
As I always say, divorce is a new season, it’s time to bloom!