I love being a mom to my beautiful girls, I’m thankful for them every single day, and I cherish the joy that they bring to my life.
But I did NOT go into motherhood thinking I would be a single mom in the end. I did not think that the man I married all of those years ago would just up and leave one day, move two hours away, and be only a “good time” dad every other weekend.
I also didn’t think that he would quit being involved in their daily lives with school activities and such, but he did.
But life is a journey and no one ever said it would be easy…they just said it would be worth it. So I’m thankful for my journey…even the wrong turns that I wasn’t given a choice about. I’m thankful that I survived the horror story that was my life from May 2012-May 2013, in which my world was completely turned upside down. My husband left us, my dad died suddenly and unexpectedly, my stepdad died, and my lawyer informed me that my ex was requesting a custody trial by jury. Not because he wanted them, he just had no other way of hurting me at that point, and obviously he didn’t think I was strong enough to still fight back.
How was I, a newly single/stay-at-home mom, going to take care of two little girls with zero help and also survive all the death that was surrounding me? The death of my marriage and the death of both of my dads? I am honestly not sure how I survived and still have the ability to laugh, but I did. It was hard to get to the point of thankfulness and at times I cried until there were no tears left. And then I cried some more. At other times I was so completely paralyzed with fear that I couldn’t leave my home.
We learn from our journey and I believe that there is a reason for every single thing that happens. We may never know what the reason is and that’s ok…as long as we have faith and remember that some things are bigger than we could ever imagine.
I’m not a religious person, I don’t go to church or pray on a regular basis, and I shamefully have never read the bible. But I do believe that God was watching over me and continues to with a little help from some guardian angels that I happen to know. I used to think that my guardian angel was on crack, but now I know that she just needed a little guidance from the right people.
So when we finally emerge from the darkness, there is a lesson there to be learned and not forgotten. For me…
1. I learned that I am a beautiful, smart, funny, and caring single mom who is worthy of love and I am more than willing to wait for my Prince Charming.
2. I also learned that no matter how hard we are grieving, life does go on around us and we need to be in the present moment for the ones who need us. And the ones that need me the most are my girls.
3. People come into our lives and some people leave. We need to be thankful for and cherish the ones who stick by us when we are losing our minds, because they still believe in us no matter what we believe.
4. At the same time, be thankful for the ones that chose to leave or the ones that have passed on without having that choice to make. They have made us stronger, even though we had to get through the weaknesses to find our strengths.
5. I finally get that whole thing about God not giving us more than we can handle. I get that. So the only thing that makes sense to me is that God apparently thinks I’m a badass. And God is completely right. I AM a badass.
6. I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. Things that caused me horrific grief and made me believe that I could not go on, passed…and I am still here, living and breathing.
7. I’m starting to thrive in my single life and happiness has finally returned to my heart. It took awhile to get here, but I also had to realize that life is far too short to dwell on the past or to drown in my own misery.
Recognize the lessons in your own journey and take those lessons with you wherever your life takes you. Start a new chapter and stop rereading the old ones because nothing we do can change the past…it’s only in our memory so that we are able to learn from it.
Don’t miss another moment to spend with your friends and family. Enjoy YOUR life because it’s happening right now! And never forget that there is a little “badass” in all of us.