I want to be able to speak truth to power and yet still look in the mirror after writing this article. I say this because I have my own issues with how judgmental and shallow lists like this can be. And yet, here I write. And I do so because there can be goodness in visiting the mind of the opposite sex when it comes to what they look for as well as their showstoppers. So, as both a man and a relationship coach that has talked to countless other men, here are eight reasons some women aren’t dating material in the eyes of men:
Things He Sees But Doesn’t Like:
- He sees unchecked baggage: Everyone has a past. Some people can check it at the gate and others choose to fly with it, talk to their fellow passengers about it and fall asleep with it. Men don’t want to date someone that constantly laments about their past or allows their past to guide their present.
- He sees no physical attraction: Let’s just call a spade a spade here. We all know that in the relationship trifecta, men are physical, psychological and physical. As in, if there isn’t a physical attraction, men won’t go there.
- He sees that she holds on for dear life: Men like a woman that shows interest and makes him feel special. They do not, however, like women that are stuck to them like glue. It shows a lack of trust (in him), confidence (in herself) and it paints a potential picture of just how little air he may have to breathe going forward.
- He sees that she’s materialistic: One of the biggest showstoppers and turn-off’s for men is meeting someone that’s more interested in what people can buy or give her. Another way this comes out is if he sees or hears her judging others for petty and material things. This screams high-maintenance and judgmental to him and thus he has no desire to date her.
Things He Likes But Doesn’t See:
- He likes ‘chill’: In the general sense, men are very laid back. In this, they like a laid back vibe to any relationship they are in. If they meet a woman and they feel like a relationship with her would be tiring, and that they would be required to be on all the time, they will take a pass.
- He likes confidence: Men want someone that knows who they are and is confident enough to relax and be in the moment. Men can (and will) sense, when a woman is unsure of herself. They will imagine a relationship filled with doubt, fear, jealousy, clinginess, etc. and they will take a pass.
- He likes independence: While men do like being the answer to the question, they don’t want to feel used nor do they like the pressure of being solely responsible for someone else’s livelihood. In this, when they meet a woman and they feel like she doesn’t have her act together and can’t provide for herself in many ways, they will take a pass.
- He likes to feel like he’s the only person in her world: Men can get jealous or territorial, this is no secret. If he meets her and he feels as though she’s overly flirtatious with people in the general sense, he will take a pass. If he feels like she’s an attention getter, he will take a pass.
List time is over so let’s end this with a couple closing thoughts.
You may be thinking to yourself, “Hmmm, would men really have nothing to do with women that violated these lists?” To which I would respond, “Of course they’d have something to do with the women but that’s not the same as them dating the women.”
This men’s list of undesirable traits is eerily similar to that of women’s. People must be attracted to each other. No one wants to date someone needy or clingy. No one wants to date someone that can’t stand on their own two feet in the world. This list happens to be interesting and true. It, and other lists like it, can also be a downer for people that read too far into it. Don’t let it bring you down. Instead, investigate whether you have some of these traits and simply recognize they may play a factor in your dating world. If they are traits you’d like to address and fix, splendid. But don’t make this (or any other list) your primary motivation for doing so. You want to change for yourself and if there are other benefits for doing so, so be it.
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