As a divorced, divorce attorney, I’m here to tell you that there are many things you may love about being divorced.
Here are 8 Things I Promise You’ll Love About Being Divorce
1. You Will Love the Relief
No one should come to divorce easily. Whether a very hard marriage, a drawn-out divorce, or the finality of both, there is relief in hearing the court announce the decree enters dissolving the marriage.
As I left the courthouse and went to have cocktails – as you do – I was overcome with relief. I was relieved that there was no more guessing what divorce would look like. I was relieved that I didn’t have to fight anymore or think that I could do any more for us – for our marriage. I was relieved to begin a new life, with beautiful children, a great career, and hope in my future that was clearly going to be different than the happily ever after I expected.
2. You Will Love the Independence
I am still always amazed by how terrifying independence is for some people. I feel terrible for those who have a hard time being alone and often recommend finding a great counselor or therapist. I’m a strong believer in not loving anyone until we completely love ourselves. Divorce will test this for sure!
I love planning my future that only concerns me and my children. I love setting my only financial goals and not depending on the financial success – or failure of another.
Independence is a freedom that may be compromised during marriage if your spouse does not share your social views, financial goals, or family beliefs. Marriage is extremely hard. Once you get out of such a situation, independence can be life-changing if you accept the challenge with vigor.
3. You Should Love New Opportunities
After divorce, some move to new homes; some get out of debt and are able to start financially fresh; some find new careers; others find new relationships.
There is an abundance of new opportunities when starting your new life after a broken marriage.
Those clients who stay in the suck of marriage – even after the court has declared the marriage over – are missing opportunities all around. Be done! Leave! Now focus on you and what is ahead of you – not the past.
4. You Will Love the Peace
With marriage, there is often a lot of noise. Whether husbands or kids or dogs or friends of everyone, in divorce there is peace. In most cases, parents are forced to share parenting time, leaving you time to be alone in peace.
The silence is louder than the noise at first, but soon you will wish your children well and enjoy your few hours of inner and outer peace.
5. You Will Love the Control
I control my time. I control my finances. I control how clean the house is and what we eat when. While this admittedly sounds like I’m a control freak, when you’re in a bad marriage, or endure a terrible divorce, finding control and using it wisely is awesome.
6. You Will Love Not Sharing
In marriage, you share your bed, your bathroom, and in most cases, your money, your cars, your everything. After 19 years as a divorce attorney, I am convinced many people are too selfish to marry – we don’t want to share.
Not sharing my bed and waking up in peace and quiet is wonderful. Walking into the bathroom with only my stuff, the music I want, and no one else’s dirty clothes is great.
A closet with only my shoes and clothes, a kitchen sink with only my dishes, a television with only my shows, and all of my time with my kids and only me.
You will love no sharing.
7. You Will Love Meeting the New You!
After spending however long in a difficult marriage and going through a divorce – no matter how difficult or not – after divorce, you become a different person. This may even be finding the you that was before marriage – a bit older and wiser I’m sure.
After divorce, my career took a new path; my time with my kids is far more quality, and my social interests are purely for personal enjoyment – not to please nor strive for the affection and attention of another.
8. You Will Love a Future of Promise
Whether you leave a marriage never wanting to go back, heartbroken it ended, or just lost, divorce promises a new life ahead. It is a new beginning. It is a do-over. Divorce is a life lesson and challenge to think more clearly, better understand what does and will truly make you happy, and the opportunity to find many more than eight things that not only make you happy about divorce but, more importantly, the endless possibilities ahead of you.
I agree with all of these, unfortunately for me, this time was followed by years and years of isolation and loneliness that may never end (it’s been over 5 years). I wish someone had told me that my ex husband was the last male that would ever care to be anywhere near me, maybe I would have tried one more time despite his lies. Don’t throw away something that might work just because it isn’t working now. There isn’t somebody for everybody and if you are a female over 35, you may never go on another date for the rest of your life.
Alex don’t give up I’m 58 and I found someone, for the past 3 years I have been happier and free-er even though in a relationship then i was in that 26 year marriage. No it didn’t happen right after my divorce which was a good thing because I found the old me , just wiser. LOVE YOU FIRST and everything else will fall in line.
So encouraging! Waiting to finally see the end to a long drawn out divorce from my narcissist ex husband.
I’d love a print friendly option to post on my fridge! Great article!
I LOVE everything about this article! Two years divorced, and everything you wrote is spot on.
Can’t agree on any of them. Married 35 years and was blindsided by him not wanting to be married. Was looking forward to the empty nest years together. Sad but pretending I’m ok most of the time.