Non-anniversaries? Sure, they exist – at least for me.
Nine years ago today we met for the first time.
Six years ago today we said our vows to each other at a friend’s house. We did not even make it four years. I figure two and half years ago his emotional affair started. And he was done.
I want to know why he gave up but I will never get that answer. Most likely when he is ready to tell me, I will not care anymore.
I cried at work as I finished my tax return online. I cried as I closed the door behind my son as he went to his dad’s for the night. I will most likely cry more tonight.
I have been calling this my first of many non-anniversaries. I texted a friend earlier and said “I can’t stop the water from flowing from my eyes”. His response “the deeper the wound the greater the recovery and growth”, which has helped me. Then he said, “ You are probably further along [in healing] than you know”. Which probably is true also.
It still hurts. I try to figure out why I cry. Is it because of the love that is no longer there or the loss of the expectation of forever and making it work as a team through whatever life throws your way? I suspect it is a little of both.
I want to be at a place where I am thankful for being released and open to the person that will love me unconditionally and will understand loyalty and that marriage is a team. I think I am there most of the time or almost there.
I do not want to over think anything today. I acknowledge my melancholies. I will catch up on a few TV shows and hopefully go to bed at a decent hour.
Tomorrow is a new day and I get to start fresh.
Peace out,
Moxie
P.S. I have a date next week! Can the freak out start now?
Oh Moxie, I’m sorry. Mine last week was really horrid. For some reason it hit me worse this year than the past 2. I find that I still have some days where I am just grieving and I’ve been divorced just over 2 years. Those days are coming much less often now. My last really bad one was in the fall, he had the kids and I felt sorry for myself and missed my old life and cried all day. Changing subjects, SQUUUEEEEEE on the date!
Oh Moxie, I’m sorry. Mine last week was really horrid. For some reason it hit me worse this year than the past 2. I find that I still have some days where I am just grieving and I’ve been divorced just over 2 years. Those days are coming much less often now. My last really bad one was in the fall, he had the kids and I felt sorry for myself and missed my old life and cried all day. Changing subjects, SQUUUEEEEEE on the date!
CM
Thanks…I have also noticed that when an important date falls around “that time of the month” all emotions are exaggerated. Fun times all around.
I hope your are better and yes, I have noticed also the “bad days” are less frequent and do not last as long, but can be pretty intense.
Date – oh my freaking goodness. And its a date, date…he will pick me up and all. It has been so long. I must remember he most likely will be just as nervous as I will be.
Thank you for the support and right back at ya.
Some days all you need to do is Breathe. Hugs. And don’t freak out. Just be yourself and let your beautiful personality shine 🙂
BC
Thank you…yes, sometimes I get down to just the basics and say “just breathe”.
Thank you for kind words.
When my husband left me (and our sons) in September 2013, without a word to me, I thought I was going to die, and feel so horribly hurt by it. And our anniversary date of November 29th was even more horrendous, even though by then I was “thawing” out from the first phases of pain without him,
But then, I woke up, smelled the coffee and the roses, and just found a new way to celebrate that anniversary date—I just found out I was adopted (at age 56 years old –and never knew it_ but found out that November 29th was the date my adoption was finalized in Germany, and my new parents brought me home with them:-)
Deborah,
Apologies for my late response….
What an awesome story. Your anniversary has an entirely new meaning to you.
Thanks for sharing…