I’m a little bit obsessed with pop culture, TV in particular. Probably because I went to college and majored in broadcasting, and radio and TV were kind of my thing.
So I often peruse a lot of reality TV… in my TV perusing. Most of these shows have some sort of relationship drama. And unfortunately, the relationship drama is almost always infidelity. It usually involves a woman being cheated on and she ends up going ballistic and tries to beat up the ho that her man cheated with.
Girl… the person you need to be concerned about is your man. The other woman (from here on out known as TOW) isn’t the one that made the decision to cheat on you… your man did. Unless it’s one of those rare occasions where TOW was your friend… in that case, she’s dead to you, she wasn’t a friend, don’t even waste your energy on a beat-down, just tell her she is dead to you and move on.
It is your man that made the conscious decision to get involved with someone else on the side. Whether it be just a one-night sex thing or a long term love affair, HE made the decision; TOW didn’t somehow magically entice him. It takes two to tango. I have a saying; “If you can stop the stream of your own pee, then you can stop yourself from doing anything”. It’s a conscious decision.
So… what do you do? The DUMBEST thing you can do is something violent or destructive. You damage him or his property you risk a trip to jail. You don’t “win” by going to jail, you just created more problems for yourself and now he’s free to do whatever he wants. If you feel anger… punch a pillow, throw your own crap around in the garage that you don’t care if it breaks, go boxing, but whatever you do don’t break him or his stuff. Worst of all, don’t break your stuff that you care about… that man isn’t worth breaking your shit over. Nor does legal revenge ever work, you just end up spending more money and have more arguments. Guarantee it will just make you more mad.
I was cheated on when I was married. While I was pregnant with our third child as a matter of fact. It was a long-term love affair, the worst kind. I could probably quickly get over a sexual fling with a skank. But no, when he’s in love with someone else… that’s a pain you can’t get over. So, what did I do? When I finally presented him with physical proof, he told me to hit him. Hit him?! WTF? I have never hit anyone in my life, nor do I intend to. Also, hitting him would have allowed him to get off too easy. He’s a guy, he was a college hockey player, he was used to pain, getting hit, it was easy for him, that’s how he solved every problem. Oh no, he was going to pay by me being strong and moving on… without him.
The woman he had cheated with was a co-worker, I had been friendly with her, she had even babysat our kids a time or two. I needed satisfaction and I set up a meeting with her. You know what that did? Absolutely nothing. We sat down to talk… she admitted to nothing, never said she was sorry, just kept staring at me with a patronizing look. Fuck you, you heartless bitch. It solved nothing, it gave no closure, and in fact,it made me more frustrated. All I could do was just ignore her when I would take the kids over to my ex’s for visitation… you know “their house”.
My point is, you may think all these things will help, you think revenge will help. It doesn’t, it creates more problems. Letting it go and moving on is your best revenge. Sometimes there is just no winning; the guilty almost NEVER say they are sorry, so don’t bother. Yes, I agree wholeheartedly it sucks and it hurts but work through it and move on, don’t create more needless drama by trying to incur your wrath on your man or his side ho. Move on and find peace…
great advice
I agree with you…sort of. No one should ever be violent for any reason and the worst reason is infidelity. Anyone who disrespects you that much is NOT worth the time you’d have to spend in jail or the money it would cost to hire a defense lawyer!
I also agree that the spouse who cheats is way more culpable than TOW or TOM but they are not without fault. 99% of other people who get involved with married people know that person is married. For a lot of them it just becomes more of a challenge. Especially the ho-worker types. They insinuate themselves into your life so they can get as much information to “win the great prize.”
Which of course is the best gift ever. What does a cheater deserve more than another cheater?
I don’t think that you should waste any breath talking to TOW either but I think it’s okay if they’re dead to you.
TOW didn’t say vows to you, your husband did. She didn’t betray your relationship (unless a friend or relative) and doesn’t own you anything. The fact she’s ok with left overs kind of says it all.
Personally, send her flowers thanking her. After all, she helped you see your husband for the man he really is, not who he was portraying. A liar, a betrayer, probably a thief (unless you ok’d those hotel room expenses), someone who puts their own desires ahead of their family, a weak man afraid of true intimacy in his marriage. Is that the man you thought you married?
Now you have what he was afraid of showing, his truth. Now you can make your own decisions based on knowing who he really is. I think that deserves flowers, don’t you?
How can one not be angry with the person who knowingly walked into a marriage?
Oh, I was mad at my ex, alright, but I was also mad at the other person who did something immoral which affected me and my family.