What Is Really Behind Trump (& Other Men’s) Belittling of Women?

Donald Trump will lose the election, of this I am sure. In fact, if he wins, I will write ‘I Was Wrong’ on a chalkboard more times than Donald has done the comb over.

Over the past month, his misogynistic interior has really come to the forefront. Obviously, he has made unforgivable remarks about women in the past, but he remained competitive until the Billy Bush tapes came out. Then people who were always Trump detractors began to ask “what took so long for the rest of America to truly condemn him?”

I find a different question to be more interesting. Why does the Donald, and other men for that matter, belittle women? It would be too easy to say that it is because they don’t respect them.

Julea is constantly berated by Zach and she cannot understand his motivations for doing so. They got married because they loved each other and Julea cannot and will not berate someone that she loves.

Well, as I learned when I first got into the field of relationship coaching, there are two possible reasons that people berate and negatively judge others.

Reason 1: Lack of Self-Confidence. In this case, the person berating, belittling, and negatively judging others does not think highly of themselves. Because of this, they throw shade at others as a means of redirecting the negative spotlight from themselves.

Reason 2: Fear of Competition. In this case, the person doing the judging feels threatened by the person that they are judging and thus they throw shade at them as a means of redirecting the positive spotlight from them.

Of course, if you look closely, Reason 2 is ultimately a lack of self-confidence too!

Going back to Donald Trump for a bit, he has berated every single competitor in his 18-month long political foot race, regardless of gender. He has berated people of Mexican descent. He has berated the committee that votes on the Emmy’s. These are facts. More importantly, they are because of his fear of competition. Trump wants to be a winner; and anyone that may preclude him from winning that ribbon will be negatively judged.  This includes the American people of course.

(Side note: I will vote for President this year, though not for either of the two major candidates. I feel the need to say this so as to remove any potential feeling that I am strictly an anti-Trump basher.)

This is about causation. When someone is berated, it is very common and easy to feel less about themselves, to be insecure. But wait, why are you being berated? Let me be repetitive: Lack of Self-Confidence and Fear of Competition!

These reasons are so important for you to understand. I want this to be the first step you take towards erasing the judgments of others. They will be a constant reminder to you of where a person’s judgments are really coming from. When someone is judging you, it is really coming from a struggle that they have within themselves. Know this. Store this fact into your memory bank. You are not being judged because of you. You are being judged because of an issue that they are holding onto in themselves. Erase their judgments because they do not truly pertain to you.

Now, the media and half of planet earth has already come to the conclusion that beneath his ego maniacal exterior, Trump is really insecure. But what about other men who do this? Why would we look at them any different? More importantly, why would you let their insecurities lessen any self-worth that you may have?

When you are being berated or belittled, think about causation first and foremost. What is really going on with the person that is putting this on me? After that, get into #TPHTTY mode and communicate your concerns. If they are dismissive and indifferent and it continues, WALK ON!

P.S. – For those that are not in the know, TPHTTY means Teach People How to Treat You. After all, understanding why someone does something does not prevent them from continuing to do it. But you can prevent them from continually doing it to you.