It happened to me too! She was half his age and knew he had a family, of course, she did, we had met many times! She went after him despite the children or the wife. For money? For power? Just to prove that she could? Who knows, it doesn’t matter anymore, she has already come and gone, like a violent storm leaving nothing but destruction behind in its path: a broken family still in the middle of divorce proceedings.
I will never understand why women keep doing this! As long as women keep hurting each other instead of supporting one another it will always be a man’s world.
Even though I know she will never read this, here are the four things I wish I could have told her.
1. It is so easy for a man to be attracted to someone young.
All you really needed to do was compliment him and make him feel special. He met me when we were both young and beautiful. That first spark of attraction when that first rush of adrenaline hits is such an incredible feeling. To be young and in love with no responsibilities and no ties. Freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want. it is so easy to fall in love when you are young and your lives are uncomplicated.
2. Marriage is not easy.
After the courtship phase, real life settles in and you work hard to build your lives together and sometimes the joy you feel gets hidden under the weight of your day to day lives. We supported each other through school and bad jobs and then really long hours at work which are all part of that struggle to “make it”. We had children and raised a family together. Raising children changes a marriage, and your roles become mom and dad and that can take a toll on a marriage.
3. Your decision to go after a married man changed many lives.
Did you ever think of what this would do to his children? You might believe that everything will be ok, or more likely you don’t really care, but your decision has disrupted a family. When you have children you promise them a family and now that promise has been broken. It really doesn’t matter what age the children are there is no perfect time to break-up a family. At holidays or special times my kids now have no family to return to. After all those years together now our family is gone and it will never be the same.
4. He is not the man you thought he was.
For years I was verbally abused and felt unloved and unappreciated. That said here I would also like to thank you for giving me my life back. I would never have broken up my family, even for my own happiness. So as broken as my family currently is, you didn’t destroy us. We are beginning to adjust to our new lives and hopefully become a stronger and perhaps even happier family as we learn to dance in the rain!
I am slowly learning to put my life back together and learning to be the author of my own becoming. My journey is documented here:
https://howtosalvagealife.wordpress.com/
Please feel free to read, share and offer me some feedback. Thank you greatly x
Beautifully written! It really does get better, and most of the time we never get a real answer, but keep looking forward.
I didn’t see a Twitter account linked, if you don’t already have one set one up it is a great way for people to find your posts!
It’s interesting how any rebuke to a homewrecker can be met with accusations of girl shamming, etc. It’s a given that the cheating husband is a POS and probably wasn’t forced into an affair but the women who knowingly spends five more minutes with a man once they know they are married are slimy snakes.
The great thing about getting out of a lie of a marriage is that you can then choose to never allow another significant person lie again to you in your life.
That is the best thing!
I agree with the points and I totally feel you… it’s 8 days before Christmas and I am going through it… It hurts to see everything was a lie… and the ones paying the consequences are always the children…however everything happens for a reason….
It happens so fast I don’t think we can really prepare for it, but you are so right everything happens for a reason. I know my life will be happier it is just going to take awhile and I hope yours will be as well!
Homewreckers are not always younger. My hurricane homewrecker happened to be 15 years older than me, married as well, but didn’t stop her from her very close working relationship with my first husband. But number 4 on your tell her list resonates close to my heart. I have never spoken to the woman who would go on to marry my now ex husband leaving me and our 2 children, but if i did, i would tell her i don’t hate her, i don’t even envy her, and i feel really sorry for her. Because he wasn’t the man you that he was, was he? Gone are my days of living my life on my tiptoes, which i didn’t even realize i was doing until i started dating again. My automatic response to apologize for everything, split drinks, messy living room, promises to do better (without being asked to do so) stunned the new person in my life. My automatic response to answer every comment with action, also stunned, I was never hit, never physically anyway by my first husband, but his disapproval was enough for action, over and over, the never ending quest to make sure he stayed happy. life on tiptoes i now call it. that is now her life, and you saved me from that, so thank you, but you didn’t realize what you were getting did you? No, of course not, he kept that well hidden, until he had somoene new to keep on their tip toes. your confinement is my my freedom, and i really don’t take joy in that, even if you ignored the signs as i once did.
I am sorry you went through this. Verbal abuse is so damaging to our very being and doesn’t leave marks for the world to see. I am glad we are both free from “life on tiptoes”!