We hear a lot about how divorce laws and the family court favor women during divorce. How men are emotionally and financially impacted by divorce far worse than women are. If you ask women, though, what have you lost as a result of your divorce, you get a different picture.
We asked that question on our DivorcedMoms Facebook page and based on the answers we received it’s safe to safe that divorce takes a toll on both genders.
There is recovery, healing, and rebuilding after divorce, but it comes at a great expense. We’ve been criticized here at DivorcedMoms for not focusing on the positive aspects of divorce only. Our goal is to educate women about divorce, not sugar coat it for them. To give them a look at the good and bad.
If you’ve been through a divorce, you know it’s an emotionally draining process and no one comes out of it a winner. There is always loss. It’s those losses and the adversity we face during divorce that promotes growth and empowerment.
In the responses below, that’s what you’ll find, loss, growth, empowerment and a little humor. We hope you can learn from them, grow from them and know that you aren’t alone because of them.
What have you lost as a result of your divorce?
Betty: I’ve lost about 50lbs and lots of stress
Kelly: I lost having to walk on eggshells in my own home to avoid that temper and yelling. I lost having to wonder where he was and who he was with.
Christal: I lost over 200 lbs – about what the ex weighed.
Damaris: A critic, a nagging voice telling me I’m not enough, a grown man-child, an anchor, the source of a lot of self-doubts, the guilt machine, the irony of loneliness in a marriage, and about a lil over $100K. Worth every penny. Money I can earn again. Sanity I can’t.
Heather: Time with my kids. Went from 100% to 50% and I hate it.
Cathy: I lost my best friend, all the plans we had made for the future, my children’s intact family. I lost everything that was important to me as a woman and mother. I lost too much to list here. I’ve gained quite a bit but never enough to make up for the losses.
April: I didn’t have anything because of him and I left with nothing because of him – he’s a narcissist and manipulated me using them and still at his games
Louann: I think I was lucky in that he just picked up and left and didn’t fight me for anything material. The biggest loss/adjustment was having to parent alone. I also lost a few friends whom I had considered to be my closest. You really see people’s true colors when you go through your most difficult times.
April: I’d like this to say what did we gain? no verbal abuse, name calling, threats to leave – just wish I could find a counselor that would actually talk to me instead of saying I don’t need it because I can’t control others behavior – I would have probably had more strength
Christy: Financial stability…I can take care of myself but having one income is always a little scary when you’re not 100% sure about job security. The nice thing is however I can finally save money and spend it on what want.
Amanda: Everything. And it’s still going on.
Stefanee: Any respect I ever had for my ex husband and my ex best friend.
Tonya: Breathing room financially. I can support myself and my kids, but with one income it’s tight.
Jennifer: The Happy Hausfrau Gosh- retirement, my credit, the house I grew up in, self-esteem. Those are just the biggies
Alison: That friend you got to tell everything too. That person who is there for you, held you at night and reminded you that you were their favorite in the world. But the good part is there are plenty of fish in the sea, and is replaceable as you were to him he is to you
Amy: About 180lbs. of daily stress.
Wendy: My credit rating, early retirement, weight, but not my self-esteem or my guts.
Shannon: 260lbs of negativity.
Sandi Brown: My home.
Debby: 20 years of a 401k, and a pension. But what I gained was far more important: my worth, my sense of self, and true happiness!
Alicia: Stress. Negative energy. Low self-esteem.
Nicole: Half of my children’s lives.
Kris: My inner light…
Geneva: Pretty much everything.
Arianna: 10 years of my life married to him- but the gains outweigh the loss.
Danielle: I lost security and possibly my house.
Carrie: Sleep and sanity. Totally worth it.
Lisa: My other family.
Tori: My church (though I found a better one), my only sibling and her children, my reputation (due to smears by the ex), countless dollars, my child half of the time, hours upon hours of sleep, my health, my youth, and all faith in therapists and the legal system. I lost my dreams of being a stay-at-home mom, a second child, companionship, and home ownership. I lost the idea of the fairy tale.
Liz: I lost 200 lbs. of a lying and cheating asshole. I lost having to walk on eggshells, I lost having to be afraid to voice my opinions, my children lost a Father who picked his whore over them. The best thing he ever did for us was leaving.
Hop on over the DivorcedMoms Facebook page and share what you lost.
What have I Lost After Divorce? I lost my Dental and health care insurance. I lost any sense of who I am and feel I gave up too much of myself,,, heart, soul and good spirit to someone who didn’t deserve me.
After 36 years of marriage,, he walked out, leaving me devastated and feeling like the floor beneath me was giving way.
But I have since gained a sense of me, who I was, and have always been, I awoke to realize I was only a roommate with benefits and took my blinders off to see the real him.
You cannot change the past, regret will eat you up in life, so putting on my pants every day, with the hopes for a better life without him.
I can completely relate, I’d like to add I have also gone through a horrible surgery of which survival was 2%. That had me in a coma right after we had our second child. Coma for 4-6 weeks. Two miscarriages, constantly cheating, giving me infections, getting tested for AIDS. Lived in a nursing home at 26 to recuperate after the coma. Went to work full time, he had semi-moved in with another woman and her two kids. Helped him get better after his surgery. After he feels better he abandones the kids and I. Empties the bank out. No forwarding address.
So much he has done to me. The courts have been very unfair towards my children and I. He claims in court he can’t even support himself on a yearly salary of $129k.
He gets away with ignoring court orders, he doesn’t get served orders of protection. All because he is N Y P D. A female tells me he can ignore my rights because he is my husband. I said he has 2 firearms.
I only made 10k. I’m expected to support my 2 kids, and I on that. Meanwhile he is supporting the who’re and her two kids, plus her mother.
No respect for Police Officers, they break more laws then citizens do.
Irony is, theives steal to take care of their own. This cop breaks his family.