We all have types of men that we are attracted to. Whether your attractions are based on physical appearance, personality or other non-tangibles, you should avoid the following five “bad boys.”
1. The Player: Avoid “The Player” for obvious reasons. If they are content with playing, they aren’t serious about a future with you or anyone! They may like you and enjoy your company, but they aren’t emotionally invested. They aren’t concerned about your wants and needs unless they conveniently line up with their own. It’s all about them!
It seems obvious enough that you would avoid him, doesn’t it? The problem is that you don’t always know he is the player until you are emotionally invested. Just to complicate the situation, you probably have a good time with him too! However, at the first sign of fickleness or vagueness, you should give him the boot! If you are looking for something more special or committed, “the player” isn’t going to provide that.
Closely related to the “player” is Mr. Non-committal. He is just like the Player, except his attitude is less about other women. He wants freedom to do what he wants, without worry or needing your permission or approval.
2. Mr. Needy: For many women, Mr. Needy is hard to resist. He seems like a nice, normal guy, but in a short period of time, you will be sucked into all of his troubles. They could be financial woes, trouble with his ex, a baby mama…the list is limitless! So why is he so hard to resist? I know the answer to this one!
He is hard to resist for two reasons. First, he is really good at playing on women’s nurturing side. He’s had LOTS of practice and he clearly needs to be nurtured! The second reason is less about HIM and more about the women he attracts. The women are so anxious for a relationship that they are sucked in quickly. They are so happy to be in a relationship AND one where they feel needed. It takes a while to catch on that he is a leach. Beware! The leach will suck the life and energy out of you. #unemployed, #never my fault!
3. Mr. Control Freak: Mr. Control Freak is BAD news! I don’t care how nice looking he is, or how good in bed he is- You don’t need him! We are all grown women. You have made it to this point without needing his approval for what to wear, how to do your hair… etc. However did you survive before?
This is one guy that your friends and family will hate! They will see who he is before you do. No matter how eager you are to comply, he will never be pleased for long! I have had friends who lost weight, looked amazing, only to be told that they looked like a cow in “that outfit.”
Note: Mr. Control Freak is closely related to Mr. Insecure, Mr. Possessive and Mr. Passive/Aggressive. He also shares traits with the Bully and the Alcohol, Drug or other Substance Abuser. If you are super un-lucky in attracting the “wrong type”, he could be any combination of these rolled into one!
4. Substance Abuser: The substance abuser (of any substance) is problematic on his own. Once upon a time, he could have been a nice guy. Maybe he still is, BUT if you are involved with him, it will be like living in quicksand. It is an unstable environment and you don’t know what’s going to happen next!
The emotional stress and roller coaster life of living with these men is very taxing. Substance abusers can be moody. Much of their life revolves around their next pill, or drink, or smoke. If they are physically dependent, they will be moody or angry if they don’t know when they will get their next “fix”. The mood swings are so noticeable that you can be fooled into thinking it’s not quite the problem it is because they often function better afterwards.
Don’t be fooled! Abusers will lie about how often they drink, take pills etc. They will lie about how much money they spend on it. They will overlook that their dependency drug might also be illegal, let alone harmful. It is difficult to sit by idly and watch a significant other become sloppy, pass out and evolve into a shadow of the person they could be. De-tangling yourself from a substance abuser is easier sooner rather than later and you will be happier in the long run!
5. Mr. Self-Important: “The Narcissist” – You know who these guys are! We have all met them. It’s all about them! They are the ones who barely listen, they really don’t care, and will go on and on about themselves. If you can get past the “eye-candy” aspect of some of these guys, you will KNOW that he is all about himself. (I am picturing Gaston from Beauty and The Beast.)
He is attractive, educated and successful… every girl’s dream! When you meet him for dinner, he spends the whole time talking about himself and how important he is. You can’t get a word in… much less have a conversation about your day or thoughts etc.
Men can seem impressive on paper, they look like they “have” everything we might want, but some are missing some skills like listening and basic traits like empathy. When it comes down to choosing your dates and love interests, you deserve better than the narcissist.
Continuing the Search:
In actuality, there are probably thousands of combinations of toxic men that you should avoid. The list above highlights a few types but doesn’t include many others. When I asked my girlfriends which types they advised me to write about, they also mentioned, “mama’s boys, the unemployed men, men with no faith, and the financially unstable.”
Whether you have just started dating again or have been dating a while, you will definitely be running into these toxic guys. Be smart. If you keep falling for the same sort of guy that makes you miserable, run away! Don’t walk away! The sooner you break the cycle of choosing the wrong type, the sooner you will find someone more worthy of your time and emotions!
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Carrie Reimer says
This was a good article but I wanted to clear up a common misconception. A narcissist is usually described as a basically harmless egotist who can’t stop looking at his reflection or talking about himself.
The truth is a narcissist is extremely dangerous and is so closely related to psychopths that they are often grouped together in the DMS.
When you first meet a narcissist he is usually charming and very attentive, wanting to know everything about the woman. He morphs into the woman’s exact match for a partner, he is into everything she is into without being obvious. Usually all his ex’s took advantage of his good nature and bled him dry financially, but he appears generous and so easy to get along with. Communication flows easily, he calls often (maybe a tad too much) he seems to be falling hard and fast, the woman is perfect for him, they are soul mates. The woman often feels she is the luckiest woman on earth and can’t believe her good fortune to meet such a caring, open, sweet man who can’t do enough for her. It is the love story movies are made of, Prince Charming.
He has no fear of commitment in fact he takes the woman to meet family and friends, makes a big deal about letting her know he is commited to her, he is an open book, if his evil ex hadn’t taken him to the cleaners he would be so successful, thank God he has finally met a woman who loves him for who he is and understands him. A woman who is calm and rational and not a psycho bitch like his ex.
Once he has her hooked, the abuse starts, by the time the woman realizes she is in danger it is too late, the damage has been done. He leaves a trail of destruction and borken hearts behind him. He is a pathological liar and does not have a conscience, he never loved the woman, it was all a ruse to get her money, home, isolate her and control her.
Far from just a guy with a big ego.
I hit the jackpot with my ex-5 out of 5 of the above.