Big Red Flag: Your Man Does Not Want Sex

You. Love. Sex.

You want it every night. You’re committed to your man. You can’t keep your hands off of him. There is just one problem.

Your. Man. Does. Not. Want. Sex.

It is not a one-time rejection. He never wants it anymore. The only time you get sex from him is when you literally jump him and tear his clothes off. To add insult to injury, he just lies there while you do all the work.

Your self-confidence is fading each time he says no. You wonder if he is no longer attracted to you. Does he think I am ugly? Your anger builds. Does he think I am fat? Your suspicions mount. Is he fucking around?

It has gotten to the point that instead of jumping his bones you yell at him. A huge fight erupts and he storms out of the house. You go to bed alone. Does he even love me anymore? You cry yourself to sleep.

The next day turns into an all day fight via text messaging. You accuse him of fucking some slut. He denies it and calls you a crazy bitch. You keep asking him why he won’t have sex with you. Dozens of texts later he finally throws out an excuse. Why would I want to have sex with you? All you do is bitch.

You’re so infuriated that it takes you 10 minutes to type a reply. If you would have sex with me then I would not be bitching.

That evening when he gets home from work you’re still pissed about the bitch comment. Before you can stop yourself the words fly out of your mouth. Since you hate sex now are you a chronic log flogger? His nostrils flare as he stomps his feet on the way out the door.

You laugh your ass off when you tell your sister how the all day fight ended. After a half hour of man bashing on the phone you feel better from letting off some steam. It doesn’t last long.

Two days later you’re ready to yank your own hair out and start wondering if you should have an affair. He is probably fucking around so why should I behave? Then you sigh and shake your head. I still love him. Maybe I should just give up and go buy myself a gigantic dildo.

His rejection has gotten to the point that he avoids you in order to keep you from tackling him and fucking his brains out. You ask your friends if their men turn down sex and hide to avoid it. They all say the same thing. Hell no. He’s fucking around if he won’t do it.

Then you take it a step further and start asking your male friends why a man would turn down sex.

Even. Oral. Sex.

They all agree with your female friends. He’s fucking around. Plus he’s crazy. A few boost your self-confidence by offering to help “scratch your itch”.

You politely decline and smile later that day when you inform your man that you’re positive that you can get sex elsewhere if he’s not willing. So he allows you to fuck him.

He. Just. Lies. There. Of. Course.

The tension grows with each passing day. During the work week he leaves early and comes home late. Then he purposely falls asleep in his recliner. On the weekends he makes excuses to stay gone with his friends. I’m going fishing.

It has been going on for over a year. You decide you want a divorce. Problem. He has control of all the money and makes you use the small amount you earn at your part-time job for gasoline and your cell phone payment. He bitches almost daily because he has to pay for your car insurance.

You feel trapped. Suffocating. How can I get a divorce without money?

Friends and family encourage you to enroll in school so you can get a better job to support yourself. You qualify for a grant and enroll in a one year program at the local community college thinking its the fastest way to get a better paying job.

In the mean time you continue to live in hell.

With each passing day hatred is replacing the love for your man. You no longer care if he is fucking around. The days fly by with you looking forward to freedom.

Your man senses a shift in your mood along with you no longer demanding sex. He suddenly starts acting the way he used to. He’s bringing you gifts, taking you out to dinner and doing a lot of sweet talking.

You try to resist his charms but soon crumble after being starved for affection. It doesn’t take him long to get in your pants. He even does all the work. This goes on every night for weeks.

A smile spreads from ear to ear on your man’s face when you tell him your period is late. He is so excited that he fucks you right there on the kitchen table and leaves you gasping for air as he heads off to work. It takes you so long to recover that you’re late for school.

You buy a pregnancy test on your way home. An hour later your man finds you sitting on the bed staring at the results. You show it to him with a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. He shouts, “Yes!”

Suddenly his hands and mouth are all over you. Once again he leaves you breathless. Later that evening, after he takes you out to an expensive dinner, he snuggles with you for hours.

You fall asleep happy. The mood does not last long. The next morning you are rudely awoken by your man. I want you to quit your job today. You refuse. Hell no. Your not my boss.

Another all day fight starts. After lunch your phone battery dies from all the texts. When you get home he is waiting for you, yelling accusations before you even get out of the car. I’ve been texting and calling you for hours. Who have you been fucking all afternoon?

Oblivious to your denials, his accusations last throughout the entire pregnancy. Once he sees that his son is a spitting image of himself, he drops the subject.

Suddenly he’s no longer interested in you. He leaves for work before dawn and stays gone until late at night. When the baby is six weeks old you remind him that you can have sex again. He rolls over and goes to sleep.

Days quickly turn into weeks and months with him showing no interest in you. You’re done. It’s time to start living again. The possibilities are endless. You wait until he goes to work and start packing.

He doesn’t realize you moved out until he’s getting ready for bed that night and sees the note on your pillow.

Dear. Chronic. Log .Flogger. Enjoy. Fucking. Yourself.

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• What’s A Sexless Marriage — And Why It Matters
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