Can being unfaithful give you a new perspective on yourself, your significant other and your marriage?
Unless you have a predisposition toward polyamory, the concept of exploring relations beyond your significant other can be detrimental to a relationship. The institution of marriage is based on the concept of monogamy, therefore relations outside of this can be a bad thing, right? Unless, of course, being unfaithful can be beneficial to a marriage.
There are four basic types of extramarital relations.
The Object Affair
This is where the cheater is taking their focus from the relationship to an object. This could be their professional career, a motorcycle, or even a new-found interest in the finer points of taxidermy. This can nevertheless be damaging to the relationship and may even call for the search of Houston Texas family law attorneys to deal with this ordeal.
The Sexual Affair
As you can imagine, this type of affair is built around the need to satisfy a sexual appetite. This typically involves the cheap motels and ribald text messages but with the sole purpose of sexual intimacy nothing more.
The Emotional Affair
This type of affair lacks the sparks and dynamics of sexual activity but can be far more damaging to a relationship in the long term. This is where the guy is baring his aching heart over the phone to a woman other than his girlfriend, or the wife is spilling similarly flavored beans to some guy on the side.
A Secondary Relationship Affair
This is the traditional type of “cheating” and one where the individual pursues two parallel relationships for both emotional and sexual reasons. This can actually be a healthy liaison and benefit a marriage according to Formica.
So, how does being unfaithful benefit a marriage? Let’s find out!
1. An affair can add spark and pizzazz to a dead fish marriage
The relationship is suddenly given some warmth and action and this positive energy can be a good thing.
2. An affair is obviously happening to address some need that is not being met in this relationship.
By looking at the affair from an intelligent perspective you may be able to find out what it is you need and how you can obtain this.
3. People tend to get into the same kind of relationship over and over again, but affairs are different.
People are always entering into the same types of relationships over and over again, but affairs are very different. An affair can act as a mirror that shows us what we truly need from a relationship.
Right now, you are probably thinking this is a bunch of fiddle-faddle from would-be philanderers, but there is logic and analysis supporting this school of thought.
The “good” that can come out of an affair is obviously not the painful shocks felt by your other or the repercussions such as fights and crying babies. If the situation is taken as material for change then the situation can allow us to reexamine ourselves in an honest and forthright manner. We may even stumble across one of the keys we had been searching for to move past an especially large personal obstacle.
This could promote a positive evolution and a more authentic and deeper understanding of a significant other and thereby a closer relationship. By the same measure, it can also lead to a deeper understanding of one’s self and how this leads them to move away and find their needs outside the relationship with their primary partner. Positive growth is valuable either way.
It seems that the concept of a monogamous relationship is bearing a much closer scrutiny these days. It could very well be that humans were not designed to be in a single relationship for their entire life, Nevertheless, so many people have an idea that their “soulmate” could be waiting for them to have an idealistic relationship that endures.
So, what happens if you do find such a perfect someone? Do you believe you will do nothing but engage each other in a perfect way to keep each other stimulated and entertained till death do you part? Get real, the first thing that will test your “perfect relationship” will be the boring dull routine of each other. Once you begin to find each other annoying, which any couple that is close will feel about each other, taking frustrations out on each other can become frequent.
This is where the relationship must evolve or die and finding something to initiate the dynamic change needed is in order. What if there was something that placed the both of you back in that frame of mind you were in when you first found each other and every moment was hot and heavy?
Imagine if infidelity, the furthest location from you cozy relationship comfort zone was exactly what you need to gain some important perspective on yourself, your other and your relationship as two dynamic human beings?
This is no new concept either, but a considerably conservative mentality has discouraged this type experience. One such example is the rapidly rising fetish of the “cuckold”, which is by definition the spouse of an adulteress. Nevertheless, many have found that by being fully aware of this adultery the husband is actually aroused by this affair. The idea of the three-some is another such fetish that can bring arousal and enjoyment by observing your significant other sexually active with another.
Then there is the quiet type of relationship that is kept from the other person. An article in “Thought Catalog” suggested that this could be beneficial and explains how the cheater is brought into the light about themselves and their guilt leads them to improve their relationship with their primary partner. Both men and women are best by impulses to explore themselves and others outside of their relationship sexually. Could acting on these impulses and carrying on an extramarital relationship allow one the opportunity to build a better relationship with their spouse?
For me and my relationship, there is no fathomable way that infidelity would bring me and my husband any closer together. There is no way I could deal with the guilt of it and I would not be able to know that he was intimate with another person. He has told me he feels the same way.