No matter if your divorce was amicable to the end or left your life in ruins financially and emotionally, at some point every divorced mom feels alone or as if no one understands. I did for many years. No one in my world understood what I was going through, and often offered advice that I learned was wrong, or showed they had no clue about the chaos of high conflict divorce with an ex who exhibits narcissist/sociopath characteristics.
There is real world common sense and there is “How is this small decision going to ripple out and affect the rest of my or my children’s lives because of how the broken court system will view this when the ex twists it and sells his version to the court?” What makes complete common sense to the common good intentioned friend or family member, will have seasoned family court veterans screaming “NOOOOOO! DON’T!!”
I couldn’t find support for what I was going through in my town, and the divorce left me unable to pay bills most months, let alone doctor bills to see a psychologist. I decided if I was ever going to climb out of my darkness, I needed to do it all by myself. I hate to say it because of my aversion of open social media, but that is the place I finally found others like me, who understood because they are living it too.
It all started with this very site and the wealth of information I learned from other moms. From there, it branched out to Facebook, where many moms in my very situation have contacted me asking how I keep going and where to find support. The cloudy answer that plagued me for so many years became crystal clear. I had to change in order for my life to change, then others like me seemed to find me.
It took a while to find the right groups, and many I joined quickly got “unfriended”. So, if you are not finding the right fit…keep on going. The right group is out there. I was invited into my umpteenth closed group a couple months ago, but have FINALLY connected with other moms so close to my very situation, it seems they are writing my life word for word when describing their latest problem.
The overwhelming support I have received has been amazing, from the RIGHT advice in how to handle the broken family law system to a good giggle when I need one. If your ex shows signs of narcissism or sociopathy/psychopathy, you NEED to find support because you can’t do it alone. The emotional toll is too great. Find a counselor specialized in cluster b personalities if you can afford it, then search for support groups .
If you have ever been stalked by your ex, I do advise one bit of caution when joining any social media…develop an alias and only use that name to research support. Anything you say anywhere online or on Facebook can and will be used against you in a court of law, so become invisible. Double and triple check security settings and never allow anything to link to your contacts or phone number.
If you feel helpless and alone, you don’t have to any longer. There is too much out there to help you start to put the pieces back together again. If you need ideas or direction, please don’t hesitate to go to my page and click my contact information. I usually can answer within a day. I won’t have all the answers, but I can help start you on a path or guide you to someone who can.
This Wednesday, I am doing something I never dreamed I would have the strength to do. I am attending a case management conference to answer contempt allegations pro-se. I never would have dreamed of doing this without the incredible support and advice I have received. (Shout out to my sunny, warm girls who are too far away in miles but only seconds away whenever I need them. How can you love girlfriends you have never met face to face? It’s easy when you meet other moms like this!)