Today Is Brought To You By The Letter E: For Exhausted

You may have noticed, my posts have gone to pretty much non-existent. I feel terrible. I have had writer’s block on top of Ted being on a looooooong new rage aimed at me, on top of some crazy work weeks and I am just exhausted. Stressed and exhausted. I haven’t even been able to focus on some much needed NARP (Narcissistic Abuse Recover Program) and my emotions have been suffering because of it. I have been on a roller coaster since the beginning of December thanks to the much beloved ex-husband I am affectionately referring to by his real life name in this post…..Asswipe. I have not thought it appropriate to use his real life label here until now but I have just HAD IT this week.

I have now spent the last week and a half chasing down fake subpoenas. I received a call from the front office of one of my employers on January 8 letting me know they received a subpoena that was very obviously fake because it 1) was not sent or stamped by the court and 2) was asking all of my personal information about my job, hours worked, every dollar earned, shift and weekend differentials, incentives plus bonuses be sent directly to the home of Asswipe.

Now just in case anyone is thinking about stalking in this manner…it is illegal in most states. Since receiving the phone call, I have called all 4 of my employers multiple times, been to see a detective with our city police department and spoken with the court. Everyone was wonderful and helpful….until I spoke with the court. I was simply told there were no hearings pending….duh…..and to speak to an attorney because my ex just probably didn’t know how to seek a subpoena correctly. I wanted to scream the divorce has been over for 4 years now AND it is the court that makes these monsters even bigger by feeding them and making sorry ass excuses for their sick behavior. BUT…I didn’t. Thought maybe it was wiser to just bite my tongue and walk away.

In between, I have been fielding an unusually high number of emails accusing me of lying, spying on Grant’s Ipad while he is in the restroom, refusing to cooperate because I refuse to exchange anywhere other than our court ordered neutral exchange location, and emotional abuse of both Grant and Kristy. I am also a terrible mother because I refused to take Kristy to dance class on a day she was sick from school. She is apparently scarred forever. Ignore….Ignore….Ignore. That is the ONLY way to handle these types of emails from narcissists and sociopaths.

Now…..for the icing on the cake this week…

Little back story first:

Growing up, we were never close with my dad’s side of the family. My grandma, and an aunt or two would come to our home for the birthdays of my brother and I, and we would go to grandma’s for holidays. My dad came from a somewhat large family, and we never felt comfortable around them. PJ and I don’t have fond memories of time spent with them. They weren’t horrible people, just not terribly nice and definitely not conversational. We have cousins our ages. As a teenager, I briefly spent time with one of my cousins, but grew tired of the put downs, negative attitude and personal jabs, so stopped hanging out with her. After my grandma passed away, we stopped going to family gatherings.

This morning, Kristy had to cheer at an away basketball game and asked if I would meet her early at the away school to do her hair. Since I had the day off, it was not a problem. We met and as I was doing her hair, I recognized earlier mentioned cousin standing in the corner of the cafeteria right outside the gym. I started to tell Kristy my cousin was there whom she has never met, and my cousin “Theresa” quickly yelled to Kristy “We are the cousins you never see!”

The school gym was terribly tiny and overcrowded. When it was time for the game to start, I found a rare seat at the end of the gym, knowing asswipe was seated somewhere in the middle. A few times Theresa walked by taking pictures of her son playing basketball, and I smiled. My aunt, her mom, came over from somewhere in the center of the gym and I shook her hand, politely exchanging niceties. My dad’s side of the family knows I am divorced and could see I was sitting alone, and not speaking with asswipe in any way.

When the first game ended, I moved to see if I could find a spot closer to the cheer coaches for the second game, a place Kristy likes me to sit so she has easy access to me. I found a spot once the gym emptied a little, ending up about 5 people down from asswipe. Ugh. Kristy was standing with him drinking some water. I am most at ease when I know Kristy is comfortable spending time with either parent at her games with no pressure.

I did think it was weird though, how asswipe was hunched over her in his “shielding for show” stance with his hands on her shoulders whispering in her ear. I then saw my aunt speaking to him and Theresa marching her daughter over. All made a big production of introducing Kristy to her cousin and taking pics with asswipe.

Yes, you read correctly.

I think my fingers were on fire texting my mom, throwing quite a few “f” bombs. You know I’m pissed as hell when I say the “f” word to my mom. She tried to calm me down, ending her text with “Well, they always have been brainless idiots.”  Mom always says the exact thing I need to hear when I need to hear it. Moms are awesome for that sort of thing.

I am happy I didn’t have my new sparkly purse brick from Cuckoo Momma today because I would have used it on everyone and would be writing this from jail.

As soon as the game was over, I hugged Kristy, kissed her forehead, and went home. The dogs climbed into bed with me and we all took a short nap. More than half of my day was wasted and I lost all ambition to do the chores that needed done. Oh well, the house work will get done when it gets done.

I now sit here with a huge headache and a huge glass of wine. Create is tuned in on the tv and all the furry children are curled up on the couch with me. As bad as my day went, I think Kristy had a good day, and that is all that matters. Tomorrow is a new day.